My sister, CH informed me when I called on Sunday that Mom was at the hospital because it was thought she could have a stroke. Thank God it was not. My brother VL was with Mom as they were waiting for a room since the doctor wanted to keep Mom there overnight for observation as a precaution. I tried not to get nervous as there was nothing I could do to help or immediately rushed to the hospital since I live almost 1,000 miles away.
I called the next morning and VL told me that Mom would be going home in the afternoon. There was nothing serious with Mom's health. The next few days I would call Mom during the day to remind her to eat and to find out how she was feeling. I listened to Mom repeating her unpleasant experience with the nurses in the emergency room being rude. Already Mom planned to make her delicious eggrolls and cakes to give to other nurses who were kind to her.
During our regular phone conversations on the weekend, Mom usually tells me news about relatives or matters that she was not happy about. I learn to listen without asking too many questions to clarify what the situation was about. Mom did not need me to solve any of her problems. When Mom asks, I always say everything is alright. I don't share about my work or community activities that I am involved in. Mom did not know about my broken foot in 2003 until much later and of course, she never knew about my plan of seperation from my husband. We don't talk about anything personal or emotionally ladden. As I get older, I wish our relationship would not be superficials and strictly dutiful.
A 2-story house to the right of us has been on the market over a year. My husband kept saying that it would be perfect if my brother would move here. The backyard provides plenty of space for his son to play, a two-car garage, full basement, and walking distance to nearby parks with fishing ponds. My husband responded "What is wrong with that?" when I accused him that he just wanted to have my Mom next door to bring him all the good food.
There is a saying in Vietnamese, "O xa moi chan, O gan moi mieng" - rough translation "distance will make it difficult (the feet got tired from walking) to visit each other often, yet living nearby (too close) could create frictions or disagreement (the mouths got tired from constant arguments)". People often feel more affectionate toward each other when they are apart. If we lived in a perfect world, I would live not next door to Mom, just an hour of driving distance. That way neither the feet nor the mouth will be tired!
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