A GENTLE MOMENT OF LOVE

I took the above photo during a trip to Washington D.C in July 1989. We were walking around, and I asked my sister and brothers to slow down to wait for Mom and Dad. As I turned around, I saw Mom and Dad, after more than 30 years of marriage, still holding hands, a moment of true lasting love when Dad leaned over and gave Mom a gentle kiss. Mom had a smile of a blushing bride. I am so grateful that I was able to capture the moment and thankful for the gift of seeing the love my parents had shared.

I am sure I am not the only woman who does not care for Valentine's Day. I am not against the occassion and everyone has the rights to celebrate what is important to them and their relationship. From the beginning of our courtship, I informed my husband that in my humble opinion Valentine's Day is marketing ploy invented by florists, restaurants and greeting cards companies. When I was single living in New York, I remembered on Valentine's Day, the women in the office would wait anxiously for their flowers be delivered, sent by their significant others. Those that did not get the flowers, except me, were disappointed, felt rejected and unloved.

This entry is not about Valentine's Day. It is about the love my parents shared for more than forty years. Their marriage was arranged but not forced. Neither Mom nor Dad was perfect and they went through many difficult times. Dad told me one time that he would not able to go on living without Mom. He said that he would prefer to pass away first. Well, he got his wish!

Here is a previously published post in April 2008 about how my parents got married.

"Like many marriages during that time, my parents' marriage was arranged by someone who was respected and knew both parents from business circle. The marriage was arranged but not forced. My maternal grandparents were business owners and respected in the village. There were many matchmakers already inquired about their youngest and only daughter. My Mom was an attractive young lady combined with her parents' wealth explained the long list of many suitors. After the initial contact by a business acquaintance who was also a well-known matchmaker, my paternal grandfather (A Cung) made a visit from Cau Ngang (my Dad's birthplace) to my maternal grandfather (Che Cung) in Cau Tau Ha (Mom's birthplace). A month or so, another meeting was arranged, this time my Dad came along. The first time Mom saw Dad was when she was asked to serve tea to A Cung, Dad and other guests as an informal face to face introduction. Mom said that she was so nervous that when she put the teapot down in front of Dad, she almost slammed the teapot on the table.

Later, Mom's parents (Che Cung & Che Pho) asked Mom whether she liked Dad and whether she would agree to marry him. Mom knew she was not forced and could refuse the arrangement. Fortunately for Dad, Mom responded that it was up to her parents. Che Cung mentioned that he had consulted others about Dad's family, his characters and based on Dad's facial features, he thought Dad would be a loving husband and a good father. Che Cung said that he did not pay attention to the fact that Dad's family wealth was not of the same level. His only concern was finding a husband who would be faithful and loving to his only daughter.

After the engagement was announced, Dad would visit Mom every other month during his business trips. They would go for a walk or to the park, not alone but with two elderly ladies following and keeping watch. There was no such thing as "roadside kissing" or drive-in movie, Talk about the big difference compared to what takes place in today's society regarding relationships and marriages. Mom still remembered the poems Dad wrote to her and the long letters she sent back each week.

The wedding was a three-day celebration with lot of relatives, and guests from both families attended. In the traditional setting, the groom's family took care of all the expense for the wedding and presented gifts to the bride's family. There were many people who came to the wedding with gifts of expensive items and money to show respect and to express their gratitute for the help Che Cung had assisted them over the years.

My favorite story was that as part of the wedding celebration, Che Cung gave a large sum of money to build a school in the village. The principal wanted to name the school after Che Cung and he refused. (Che Cung suggested that the school had the same name as the village.) Talk about being a true humanitarian and modesty.

From the humble home in Viet Nam, to the journey seeking freedom in the open sea, to the little hut in the refugee camp, to the new land in America, each step we took towards a good life, Dad was there with us, providing and caring the best way he could. Happy Anniversary, Mom & Dad. Thank you, Dad, for all you did for us."

There you have it, a true moment of love and a lifetime of lasting love.