ONE WOMAN MANY SORROWS

Yesterday my neighbor "Cei" asked me if I would collect his mail for a few days as he had to make an unexpected trip to Ohio. His wife was on a business trip in Scottsdale, Arizona. Cei just got a phone call that his sister "Pei" who has suffered from depression the last few weeks was admitted into the hospital as her condition has gotten worse. I wish Cei a safe trip and that I would keep him, his sister and the entire family in my prayers. I selected these photos to go along with this post because the story of Pei and her sorrows is like the dark sky with one storm after another.

Pei and her 2nd husband, Bei, used to live a few houses from us when we first moved into the subdivision almost 15 years ago. Pei had two children, Nei and Gei from her 1st marriage. Pei told me that her first husband was a drinking person who could not hold down a steady job. Pei survived the divorce and was able to take care of 6-year old Nei and 5-year old Gei as a single mother. Things were fine for a few years with Bei and the children seemed to adjust well. Then Bei decided that he did not want to be married anymore and filed for divorce. By then Nei and Gei already were teenagers with problems beyond the normal growing pains.

Gei got pregnant at 16, got married at 18, then had her 2nd daughter at 20. Gei filed for divorce when her husband Rei was sent to jail for auto thef and drug possessions. Gei and her children moved in with Pei because she could not afford rent on a waitress income. Without even a high school education, Gei could only seek minimum wage jobs. Gei and Rei reconciled after Rei was released from prison. By then Gei somehow became a drug addict and a year later gave birth to a third child, a son.

Nei, also without a college education and just like his father, was unable to hold a steady job. He often spoke about the lastest business adventure that would make him instant millionaire. Nei continued to live at home after Pei got married for the 3rd time to Jei whom she met at a social network for divorced people. Jei brought his debt and a back injury into the marriage. (I never asked whether Pei knew about these issues prior to the wedding.) Pei supported Jei without asking what he did with his monthly disability checks. They moved to Ohio five years ago because Jei wanted to be near his family. Her brother, Cei then purchased the house from Pei.

Last year, Jei filed for divorce claiming that Pei children had became a strain on the marriage. Jei cited one of the reasons was that Nei by then a 30-year old man to either help out with the rent, clean up his own room, wash his clothes or move out but Pei refused and continued to pamper Nei as if he was a child. In the meantime, Gei had her 4th child, another daughter. (The only good thing is that all 4 kids came from the same father.)

A few months ago, a girlfriend accused Nei of rape. She later recant the story but Nei was not able to clear the charges against him. At the same time, Rei got sent back to jail for more legal trouble while Gei continues to strugle with her addiction and raising 4 kids without a job. Gei had asked to again move in with Pei.

As I watched my neighbor driving away, I felt so sorry for him and his family. I would not have believed that one woman could have so much sorrows, three failed marriages, a son in legal trouble, a daughter and 4 grandkids with a husband who has criminal and prison records. I feel sorry for my neighbor that the burden would be on his shoulders. Lei, wife of Cei, already told me of the hours long phone calls from Pei and other emergency trips to Ohio Cei had to make the last few months. According to the doctor, Pei would need to be in a caring facility as she is now unable to live by herself due to her depression that might lead to suicide. It is amazing how one person's tribulations would afflict so many others.

During my training to be hospice volunteer and also with Stephen Ministry, we learned to offer compassion, caring heart and attentive ears (listening) but we must be careful not to "get down in the mud" with the person. Once we got in the mud, we will not be able to offer caring since we are no longer objective. I just hope it does not take toll on Cei and Lei own marriage. What can we as individuals do to help those like Pei and her children? How much resources should be allocated into social programs to assist people like Rei without taking away from others that would be more deserving?

All the names of people involved and locations have been changed, only the story is real.