Mayday, Mayday, Mayday

Twenty eight years ago, May 25, 1979, my family left Viet Nam and became boat people that attracted the world's attention after the Fall of Saigon in April 1975. After five days, we survived the storm that almost sank our boat and landed in an island called Karamut in Indonesia. (I searched for the correct spelling but the listing of islands in Indonesia did not produce any similar spelling.) Compared to others, we were fortunate that we did not encounter the pirates. I did not know that we were among 160,000 of Vietnamese boat people who were part of the exodus of refugees floundering in the South China Sea in rickety boats during the year 1979. We became the symbols of people who suffered oppressions, willing to face the trials of life and death at sea, so desperate for freedom that we were willing to risk everything for a chance of a better life in an unknown country.

Originally my parents wanted to send me and my youngest brother, VL out of the country. I was eighteen years old and VL was eleven. We could not gather enough gold to pay for the passage of the whole family. The plan was once VL and I safety resettled, preferably Australia, we would try to help the rest of the family get out of Viet Nam. My maternal grandmother would not want my other sister CH and brother TL to leave because of their physical disabilities, she thought they would not survive the journey.

I learned from Wikipedia that the word Mayday derived from the French - m'aidez, meaning "help me". It is an emergency code that always given three times in a row. I imagine the following distress call sending from our boat "Number 059" My Tho - (According to my Mom, #059 was assigned to another boat by the officials but that boat encountered problems. The officials re-assigned #059 to our boat and My Tho was the port where we would depart.)

...... Mayday Mayday Mayday

.........This is Number 059 My Tho

......... Position - somewhere in South China Sea or Pacific Ocean
..............Nature of distress - our boat is sinking, filling with water, up to our knees, the pirates are chasing us and the only engine is dead.

.......... Aid required - immediate assistance

.......... Number of people on board - about 200 people - we have no naval equipment. No lifevests, no lifeboat.

....... Over

I don't remember whether there were any passing ships. After three days, we were terrified that no one would find us and we could be left to die. There was no coast guard to launch lifeboats or helicopters to rescue us. There was no nearby ships that would be willing to divert course to assist. By 1979, saving the Vietnamese boat people was no longer a glamourous act. Public sympathy from the international community was lessen. Media coverage of people in crowded boats in open sea with no place to go had become old news. Countries such as Hong Kong, Thailand and Malaysia could no longer handle the massive daily arrival of hundreds of thousands of refugees and demanded assistance from potential resettlement countries such as Canada, Australia, France and particularly the United States.

Listening to the BBC on the radio, we learned that Singapore, Taiwan and Japan would not allow the refugees to land. Passing ships that picked up refugees were not able to unload at these nearby countries. I realized now why we were threaten at gunpoint by the Malaysia coast guard to get to another port even though our boat was damaged by the storm. The Malaysia did not want their country to be swamped with unwanted refugees and declared that Vietnamese boat people would be shot if trying to land.

Twenty eight years later, part of the boat journey is still fresh in my memory but the details had become blurry. I wonder if it is old age or I am just trying to forget that it really happened. Perhaps it was just a nightmare and that I was not one of the people screaming for help "Mayday, mayday, mayday", watching the giant wave rushing towards the side of our tiny boat and no one responded.

OH CANADA

No, I will not attempt to make a YouTube video of me singing the Canadian anthem. I will not write about the history of Canada, the people or about Canadians' (and mine) passion for ice hockey. I thought the title would be appropriate as the Ottawa Senators and Aneheim Ducks are battling to capture the Stanley Cup.

I don't know much about the Senators and its players. I find it interesting but not unusual that there are more non-Canadians (players from Russia, West Germany and Czechoslovakia) on Senators' roster compared to Aneheim Ducks. There are more Canadian players on the Ducks' roster, a California hockey team, than Senators supposedly a Canadian team.

(Latest News - the Ducks won (3-2) game 1 on Monday, May 28th. Game 2 was on Wednesday, May 30th - the Ducks won again 1-0. It was a good goal when Pahlsson (Ducks) sent the puck through Senators' defenseman Corvo's legs, surprised goalie Ray Emery and scored the only goal of the game. I hope home ice will give the Senators extra energy and motivation to win Game 3 on Saturday, June 2nd. )

The first time I visited Canada was in 1984 during a trip to Seatle, WA to visit a childhood friend from Viet Nam. Jai Sing (JS) moved to Seatle in 1982. JS, Juon Ling (JL) and I were good friends and we spend hours playing basketball after school. JL went to Germany early 1979 before I left Viet Nam. JS also left Viet Nam by boat and was sponsored by his sister who lived in Seatle. I think JS lived in a refugee camp in Malaysia for a year or so. We kept in touch for a few years but somehow the writing stopped and the connection was broken. I never heard from neither JS nor JL. When I was in Seatle, we drove to Vancouver but I don't remember much about the city. We came back to the US without any problem showing only our driver license. I did not have a passport because I was not eligible to apply for U.S. citizenship until 1986.

I made several trips to Ontario, Toronto during 1987. When the appropriate time comes, I will write more about how I almost moved to Canada. Looking back, it was unbelievable and somewhat comical that I would even consider making the move. I am not being disrespectful to the country of Canada, it was a personal situation and I am not comfortable to explain any further at this point.

I went back to Canada in July 1991, as a married woman, during a camping trip in Niaraga Falls with my husband, CP. We drove from Michigan to Buffalo, NY. (I was not a hockey fanatic back then, so I did not take any photos standing in front of the Buffalo Sabres arena.) We drove into Canada and went on the Maid of the Mist boat ride.) I remembered getting wet and almost fell a few times on slippery ground.

I really liked the photo in my passport. I was so ready to show off my "beautiful" photo, but the agent at the border just looked into our truck, asked a few questions such as where we lived, what we did while in Canada and where we were going. He did not even speak to me or asked me any questions. The agent took CP words that I was his wife and that we were on a camping trip. Later CP told me that I looked too Americanized that the border agent had no reason to ask any questions. How did I become Americanized, that is a good topic for future entry.

My most recent trip into Canada was in July 2002 when we were in Vancouver awaiting for our departure on a cruise to Alaska. Part of the cruise included a train ride into the Yukon. This time the border agent asked for everyone's passport. I presented mine with the photo that of a 40+ years old chubby woman. I wonder if I looked more Americanized!

This summer we are planning a trip to the Hockey Hall of Fame in Toronto. We renewed our passports last month. Even though I saw in one of the websites mentioned that U.S. citizens do not have to present valid passports to travel to and back from Canada, we will bring our passports to make sure we have no problem getting back into the United States.

Just a thought - the last sentence in the U.S. national anthem, "The land of the free, the home of the brave" and in the Canadian national anthem, "We stand on guard for thee." Is it coincidence or firm statements about true brotherhoods?

THE SIMPLE LIFE

Yesterday while I was cutting the peppermint in our backyard, a baby rabbit jumped out of the barrel and hopped all the way to next door neighbor's garden. I started looking further among the peppermint and there were two or three more tiny rabbits trying to hide in the corner. I hurried up with my peppermint, went into the house and watched the rabbits from the kitchen window. I washed the peppermint to put into the water and the ice tea pitchers, added a few drops of fresh lemon and ice cubes so we could have refreshing and healthy drinks instead of soda or expensive artificial drinks.

I don't remember what year, must be about five years ago that my husband put a row of three wooden half-barrels in the back of the garage, filled them up with soil so I could plant a few tomatoes, green pepper and hot red pepper. At each corner of the patio, CP also put two more barrels and planted some flowers for me to enjoy from the kitchen windows.

The first year we harvested a dozen of tomatoes, good size of green pepper and a handful of red pepper. The second year did not turn out profitable as we again spent almost $50 worth of little plants and harvested only a few tiny tomatoes, pitiful looking green pepper and again a handful of red pepper. We decided not to plant anything the following year and purchased the tomatoes and peppers from the store.

In July 2005, after my Mom came to visit, I found some left over peppermint that my Mom did not use in her cooking. I decided to plant them in one of the barrels. Actually all I did was covering half of the peppermint with dirt and water weekly or whenever I remembered while sitting outside reading my books. Summer in St. Louis could be unbearable not only with the tempature almost 100 degrees but also the humidity and still air circulation. I was pleasantly surprised to find the peppermint growing, filling up the barrels without any help from me.

The peppermint came back last summer and again this year. We agreed that instead of wasting another $50 on tomatoes and pepper plants, peppermint will be the only plants in the barrels. I also try to find out the name of a plant to serve as a backup in case the plants my mother has fondly nurtured again accidently destroyed. During a recent phone conversation, Mom mentioned that the plants she has been using in her special cakes and also for medical usage in controlling diabetes had died. I listened while she explained what happened. I learned to let Mom talk and didn't try to comfort her or offer solutions because she only wanted someone to listen to her story. She told me that this special plant was only available from California. I am glad to report that when I called this week, Mom said that a few new leave came back but it would take a few months before the plants would be full with usable leave again.

Last week we found a bird nest in the flower basket hanging in our front porch. The protective mother flies away whenever we open our front door. She did not go far, just above the roof as if keeping an eye on the nest. Today, there are two little eggs in the nest. Last year, we also found a bird nest on the supporting beam above the garage. The nest is still there but it is empty. We jokingly said that the bird has moved to a wealthy neighborhood or to Florida!

This year we decided to add minor landscaping to our yard. For the front of the house, we plan to replace the old rotten railroad wooden logs with brick walls. CP plans to install retaining walls along the fence in the backyard. He has worked deligently the last few weeks to clear the bushes. One day as I watched CP worked, I saw a robin following as CP unearthed the ground, the robin bravely swept down very close to CP and flew off with the worms. I watched the robin and realized that there were three little birds with their mouths opened waiting to be fed in a nest high on a nearby tree. I stood and watched the robin repeating her feeding. I learned to enjoy the moment instead of rushing to find a camera to take photos. I learned to be in the moment. I learned to live a simple life by watching the rabbits and the robins living their simple lives.

THE SOUND OF SILENCE

(This entry was started on May 15th and I am finally posting it today, May 29th - more than a week later.)

I finally went to see Doc and the hearing problem was taken care of. To all my adoring fans, "I can hear you now"!

It was a simple case of built up wax that stubbornly would not get loosen, even after a few days of using the $40 drops. The wax continued to lodge in my ears causing temporary hearing loss. I never had my ears cleaned before. It was done by such a simple method by flushing the ears with warm water using a syringe from the outer ears. What a relief feeling after the wax was dislodged. After the procedure, the buzzing from tinnitus condition was not as loud and my hearing not only back to normal but has become clearer and so much better. I will make sure to have my ears checked and cleaned at the annual check-up.

For a few days after I started using the drops, the condition did not improve. I decided instead of turning the volumn real high so I could hear, I watched various television programs without actually hearing. After one evening of guessing what is being said, I decided not to watch any television. I did not miss much. In fact, it was kind of nice. I finished a lot of reading (magazine articles I have been saving) and spend time reading books I borrowed from the library so I would not have to renew too many times.

In the morning, after I got up, instead of turning on the news, I stood by the kitchen window, with a cup of coffee in hand, I watched the rabbits hopping around the yard, the birds dashing up to the tree carrying away a piece of bread we threw out, and the squirrels trying to stop the birds from taking their shares. I would not go too far to say that silence was golden as I would like to get my hearing back to normal. I would not agree that it is always best not to speak. There are situations that require the person to voice their opinions, to set the records straight and not allowing others to dominate the conversation. I do enjoy the quiet moments and was glad that I had the options.

We saw Simon & Garfunkel during their 2004 Tour. We enjoyed the concert and I even sang along when I recognized a familiar song. I thought the song "The Sound of Silence" would be a fitting for this entry about my temporary hearing loss. On the wall along the pool table in our basement, there are framed programs and tickets from a few concerts (all in St. Louis) we have been to in the last few years. We attended Sir Paul McCartney U.S. Tour in 2002, Neil Diamond in 2003 and the Rolling Stone Concert in early 2006. Two weeks later, we saw "Mick and the boys" again, performed at half-time at the Superbowl XL in Detroit. (In March 2006, while on a cruise with my sister, I took a bus tour in Jamaica and the tour guide pointed out a house that belongs to Mr. Jagger.) We thought "Mick" might think we stalked him or that we were too old to be groupies.

Now that my hearing is back to normal, I no longer yell "Help" and no longer "Twist and Shout"!

INTERESTING HOCKEY STORIES

By now my adoring fans realize that I am a hockey maniac and a sport fanatic. Here are some interesting hockey stories if you care to read.

I like the story about the family of Jean-Sebastien (J.S.) Giguere (#35) the goalie of the Anaheim Mighty Ducks. When Jiggy was growing up in Montreal, Quebec, Canada, his father worked as prison warden and his mother worked as a school shuttle (bus) driver. When the cost of hockey equipment grew too expensive, Dad asked JS, the youngest child in the family, whether JS wanted to continue to play hockey. When JS said yes, his parents took out a mortgage from their home to pay for the expenses. Whether it was 100% pure parental love or faith in their 12 years old child that one day he will become one of the skilled goalies in National Hockey League, it really touched my heart to read this story. (Considering I am a fanatic Detroit Red Wings fan). Latest news (May 22nd when I finally posted this entry) - the Ducks eliminated my beloved Red Wings in game 6, playing a dominating game and an impressive lead half way thru the 3rd period. The Red Wings came back and scored two power-play goals within one minute, but it was too little too late. The Ducks won 4-3 and on their way to face Ottawa Senators in the Stanley Cup finals. Game 1 starts on Monday, May 28th.

Next story is about a player who was "diamond in the rough", Pavel Datsyuk (#13) Detroit Red Wings center. Datsyuk has been one of my favorite hockey players. The 28-year old native of Sverdlovsk, Russia, was overlooked for many years by scouts who thought he was too small and would not be fast enough to be in the NHL. At 5'11", 185 lbs, Datsyuk would be small compared to most of the other players over 6'1" and more than 200 lbs. That is the whole point - Datsyuk is not an enforcer, he is a hockey player with magical hands. He moves the puck as if it was on a string, invisible string from his stick, release at the right moment to a teammate or shoot the puck on the moves that others could only dream of. Datsyuk shoots when you thought he could not and when the goalie thought he would pass the puck. I enjoy watching Datsyuk because of his natural skills, balance on his skates, the speed and strength from his legs and the "silky-smooth" passes that kept opponents guessing.

I also thought we are all "Datsyuk" until someone recognizes our talents and provides the opportunity to shine. Many times in life I was not given a chance because I speak with a foreign accent, because of my gender or because I was not assertive and battle my way through to get to the front. A classic example would be when I discussed taking on the responsibility as public relations person for AFCO, RJS (my former employer, a great coach and a special person) did not hesitate because English was not my first language and that I did not have any background in the area of print media. RJS believed in me and my potentials. (Please read entry on February 19, 2007 entitled Happy Birthday, RJS.) We all need someone to believe in us and to recognize "diamond in the rough" in each of us.

Unable to have children, I find this story personally interesting. A woman who was told by her doctor that she would not be able to have children after trying more than a decade unsuccessfully. Then one day when she and her husband happened to be at an event to celebrate the Colorado Avalanche Stanley Cup championship in 1996, the woman placed a kiss on the Stanley Cup. Later, the couple shocked the physician and their family when they gave birth to a baby boy and named him, Stanley. There you have it, the Stanley Cup is truly a magical trophy, not just for hockey fans, but for anyone who believes in traditions. The Stanley Cup is more than just a championship award, it is a great symbol of 114 years of sportmanship, inspiration, motivation and celebration of individual achievement and team efforts.

Another disappointing season came to an end for all the Detroit Red Wings fans. I thought at least the Red Wings was not (so embarassed) eliminated in the first round like the last couple of years. But then I got so mad thinking how could they played so well in game 3 (the score was 5-0 - shutout the Ducks), took control and scored early, all the four lines were solid with speed, puck possession, passing with laser accuracy, no rebounds, keeping the pucks out of the zone and did not take too many penalties. It was as if they ran out of steam or the balloon leaking air, the Red Wings forgot how to play hockey and lost the last three games.

You probablly want to know which team, Ottawa Senators v. Anaheim Ducks, I would cheer for. I think it is time the Stanley Cup is returned back to Canada. Go Senators Go!

SEE NO EVIL, HEAR NO EVIL

This entry is not about the movie See No Evil, Hear No Evil, a 1989 comedy film starring Gene Wilder as a deaf man and Richard Pryor as a blind man who became each other's eyes and ears when they became the prime suspects of a murder. They worked together to tracked down the real killers while evaded the police and ultimately cleared their name when the killers were captured.

It is not about the Japanese Three Wise Monkey either. According to the wonderful Wikipedia, the Three Wise Monkey are Mizaru, covering his eyes - sees no evil; Mikazaru, covering his ears - hears no evil and Mazaru, covering his mouth - speaks no evil. There are a less well-known fourth money, Shizaru, covering his middle body with folded hands - does no evil. I have always thought the sayings, "See no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil" was about not to be snoopy, nosey and speading gossips. I learned from the page that the expression is also used to describe someone who doesn't want to be involved in a situation, or someone turning a willful blind eye to the immorality of an act he is involved in.

This entry is about an ordeal that happend to me this week when I was not able to hear and see clearly while driving home from an annual eye examination. Early in the week, I experienced full feeling in my left ear when I woke up one morning. The next two days, it got worsen as my hearing became muffled, blocked and the rustling sound added to the already buzzing noise from existing condition of tinnitus. About ten years ago, I had bronchitis for almost two weeks. I developed tinnitus from the constant whooping cough which somehow damaged my ears.

After a couple of days using over-the-counter drops hoping that it would provide relief of the wax builds up. By the end of the week, I called my doctor for help as the loss of hearing gotten worse. Doc told me to stop using the OTC drop. He wrote a prescription that cost me almost $40 plus a box of Sudafed for nasal congestion. I also had an eye exam the same day.

It was a sunny afternoon when I left the ophthalmologist's office. Because it was an annual exam, my eyes were dilated for a complete exam for any sign of glaucoma as many in my family have this terrible disease. There I was, unable to put on sunglasses because I was wearing my nearsighted glasses, not the regular contact lenses. My vision became blurry as the brightness reflected thru the windshield, bouncing off the dashboard and straight into my dilated eyes.

It was the longest 15 minutes driving in my life as I could not hear well and see well beyond the bumper of the vehicle in front of me. I decided to get off a major six-lane road as I began to slow down and could not keep up the speed limit. As luck would have it, after I exited and got on a four-lane road, about a mile or two down, the right lane was closed due to construction. Unable to see, I did not dare to merge left and had to stop completely, with my blinking left turn signal, I waited for a driver with a kind soul to let me in. Of course, with my left ear unable to hear well, the driver had to honk loudly to let me know that he/she had stopped to let me merge. I waved to thank him/her and hoped that he/she did not think I was an illegal immigrant, not knowing how to drive or don't even have a driver license or insurance.

I am glad to report that I got home safety without causing an accident. I tried not to get nervous and hope that the condition is only temporary. Unable to read nor hear, I decided to take a nap. Originally, I wanted to schedule the eye exam and six-month appointment with the dentist on the same day. I would have been truly, see no evil, hear no evil and speak no evil.

I did become concerned when my husband came home from work and asked me to turn the television down because it was too loud. Normally, it was me who complained to my husband about the volumn when he watches his macho movies such as The Terminator or Gladiator. Call me vain, at 46 years old I am not ready to enlist the help of a hearing aid. Let's give the $40 prescription a day or two more.

To my adoring fans, thank you for your get well wishes, I heard the wishes "loud & clear" :0 :)

RANDOM STORIES

Here are a few random stories I saw in the newspapers:

How do you spell "celebration"? Actually it was a very simple word but was mispelled in a big way. The day after the St. Louis Cardinals captured its World Series Championship in October last year, a young man went to a local tattoo parlor with a special request to have "St. Louis Cardinals, World Series Championship, 2006" in red ink, etch across his back. The tattoo "artist" completed the request but not exactly what the customer asked for. The finished etching proclaims St. Louis Cardinals as "Worlb" Championship, 2000! The New York Yankees won the series in 2000. A lawsuit is pending in St. Louis County Circuit Court. The young man stated that for now he plans to attend Cardinals games with his shirt on and he definitely will offer his help to anything who wishes to know about how to select a qualified tattoo parlor/artist because he does not want to turn his back on the "worlb".

Someone told me one time that because of the heavy work load, the company would not allow any employee to take a day off unless the reason is to attend his/her own funeral. A 36-year woman in St. Charles, Missouri learned that she was dead when her loan application was rejected, reason "Applicant deceased". For the last three months, the woman called the credit bureau, even enlisted federal and state agencies to correct the "deadly" mistake. None was able to help her because they did not know what to do. For now, the woman is living between two worlds or having one foot in the grave. Seriously, I sure hope the situation will be resolved.


I think my brother VL would find the next story interesting. It was about a report from the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change conference took place earlier this month in Bangkok, Thailand, concluded that rice production was a main cause of rising methane emissions in the 20th century. The report explained that the bacteria that thrive in flooded paddies that produce methane, by decomposing manure used as fertilizer and other organic matter in the oxygen-free environment. The gas is emitted through the plants or directly into the atmosphere. (I have no idea what I just typed. My brother "Qaptain Qwerty" wrote that in these days of instant web search via Google and other readily available source of information, someone who just happened to know how to look things up quickly could be mistakenly regarded as a smart person. However, one has to be smart to know where to look up information quickly, agree?) The government have encouraged rice farmers to drain their fields periodically to help reduce methane emissions. The farmers simply ignored the calls citing the high cost of draining the fields. Do I have to feel guilty the next time I place a large order of steamed rice?

Let's hope that the smart scientists will find the ways to save the "worlb" and keeping the earth alive and healthy for a few more million years.

WHERE AMERICA LIVES

The Special Issue in the Sunday (May 6, 2007) Parade Magazine was about the real estate market, the hot and the lowdown, the home prices around the country and suggestions for home buyers on how to get the best price and sellers who wish to sell their homes quickly. I specially like the section, "What you can get for $150,000 or more .....".

It is true that in most parts of the country, houses are lingering longer on the market. The house next to us has been on the market for more than a year. I did not become nervous when signs for sale popping up around our neighborhood. Just our block alone, there are six houses for sale. A realtor told me one time that people usually put their house on the market or looking for purchase thus moving, when school is out and the weather is nice. No one likes to move during school year and when it is cold and snowing in the winter.

My sister, CH told me that she could get about $300K for her one bedroom apartment in Park Slope, Brooklyn. She paid only $100K ten years ago. She would like to move to Manhattan but could not find a place, smaller than the current apartment, for less than $500K. That is half a million dollars. For that amount, I could get a whole house, 4 bedrooms with walk-in closets, 3 1/2 bath, mid-size kitchen, family and living rooms, full basement, 3-car garage, large backyard and a whole lot more in my neighborhood.

My brother wrote that every time when he visits his friend in South Brunswick, New Jersey (approximately 40 minutes from NYC), VL wanted to move out of New York City, to live in a house with a large back yard, enough room for a trampoline for his son to jump and do forward flip. I know VL would love to have his own driveway, a garage for his vehicle and not searching for a parking space each time he moves his car or the only space is three blocks away and has to walk back to the house when it is cold and snowing.

Here are a few comparisons for the money - A home with 2-bedroom and 2-bath in New Orleans, LA costs $180K while in Oklahoma City, OK for $10K more, you would get a 4 bedrooms, 1 1/2 bath and a 2,408 square feet of living space. I was surprised to read that a condo with 1 bedroom, 1 bath and an attached garage only costs $186K in Las Vegas, NV compared to $244K for similar space (1 bedroom, 1 bath) in Newark, NJ. If I could, I would move tomorrow to Colorado Springs, CO to live in a 2,840 square feet, 5-bedroom, 3-bath, fully furnished (modern furniture) and decorated home for only $310K or a log cabin of 2-bedrooms, 1 bath and a dream-come-true for my husband, a 5-car garage in Casper, Wyoming. The log cabin is surrounded by old-growth pines. I could finally spend all the time doing all the craft projects I have been planning to make. Ya right!

I pick out a house in Bend, Oregon, for my brother, a 2,800 square-foot home with scenic decks, custom built-ins made with environmentally sustainable materials, energy efficiency and indoor air quality. Price - $699K.

In a perfect world, I would not want a big and fancy home, just a decent home in a safe neigbhorhood and about an hour from where my brother lives so on the weekends I could take my nephew to the zoo, to go camping, to kid activities or just playing in the backyard.

My brother is searching for a new job. Though VL dislikes the crowded streets and all the big city headache, he is not ready to leave the NYC. I know no one from my family will ever consider moving to St. Louis and I am not sure if I will ever moving back to live in NYC, unless there is a major change in my martial status or better yet, I got lucky winning a jackpot from weekly lottery tickets. St. Louis lack many things that are readily available in NYC. For me, the only thing I miss the most from NYC is my nephew.

THE BLAME GAME

In her book "The New DON'T BLAME MOTHER - Mending the Mother-Daughter Relationship", the author Paula J. Caplan, Ph. D. suggested to the readers that they should get to know their mothers as a person and not to worship or condemn. The author further explained that when we understand the struggles, the real-life trials our mothers have experienced, we become connected with our mothers in a more humanness and a less perfect image of what mothers should be.

There is a Vietnamese expression, "Con hu tai me", when a child is spoiled/astrayed or misbehaved (you get the idea), it is the mother's fault. An article in Psychology Today argued that there are other factors contributing to the children's problems and that mothers are not always the root of kids' behavioral and emotional problems. Researchers who follow theories that say mothers are responsible for kids' psychopathology will always find mothers as the cause for any kind of disorders in the children's development and troubled mental state as adults.

In the case of the recent tragic at Virginia Tech, the writer in a commentary in the AsianWeek.com online magazine blamed the parents of the gunman for their long hours of working in the dry cleaning business, for pushing the children too hard when it comes to education, getting into the right college, the highest SAT/ACT scores and in their quest to pursuit the American Dream, forgot to show love to the children. The writer implied that because the parents were strict, did not hug and tell the child "I/We love you", the child felt unloved and cannot bring himself to love others, thus became a psychotic mass murderer.

The first time I hugged my parents and kissed them on the cheeks was at my wedding when I was 28 years old. Growing up in Viet Nam, under traditional Asian culture, my parents did not hugged and kissed me when I went to school in the morning and again greeted me with hugs and kisses when I came home. We did not expressed our love through physical closeness or frequent touching. I just knew my parents loved me and they would take good care of me.

In Viet Nam, constantly reminders of family pride and honor were expressed verbally, "Do not shame the family", "Do not let us (parents) down", "Behave properly so people will know that you come from a good family." After we came to America, my parents often commented about individuals, especially young Asians, whose manners did not meet their approval and warned us children not to bring shame not only to the family but also to the entire Asian race. While my parents encouraged us to seek higher education, to master the English language, to get good jobs, to be productive citizens and become a part of American culture, they reminded us that we, as Asian Americans, would never find complete acceptance in American society. As Vietnamese American, we should try to prove that we are a "worthwhile ethnic minority in America".

Other comments were posted to the commentary blaming the parents for making the children's lives a living hell with their "dog and pony show". Another person wrote that parents who worked long hours more likely neglected their children physically and mentally; therefore, implying that the gunman was not responsible for what he did and his parents were accountable for not providing the love he needed.

As society, we have become a nation of victims, blaming someone else for our mistakes, believe that we are free from moral responsibility because something happened or caused by mothers, parents, employers and that we are entitled to sympathy, thus our actions are justifiable. My parents were strict and they never hugged, kissed or said that they loved me, yet I did not turn out to be a psychotic killer. There are many first generation Korean Americans who worked 12-14 hours to make a better life for their children and the children in turn understand the sacrifice the parents have made.

I see the physical closeness between my brother, VL and his son, much different with my parents when VL was growing up. VL and my nephew spent more time on outdoor activities and working on projects as father and son. Do I wish that my parents hugged and kissed me more often when I was growing up in Viet Nam? Maybe. Do I think my parents loved me less because they did not express their love verbally or lack the physical closeness? Absolutely not. The only regret I now have is not telling my Dad often how much I love and respect him and that I am blessed to be his daughter. But of course, he already knew all that because he is my Dad and he always loves me beyond the earth and sky.

USELESS INFORMATION

Perhaps I should change the title of this entry to Interesting Information. However, I would probably be the only one who thinks the information is interesting while others consider what I am about to share in this entry is useless.

Round 2 of the Stanley Cup started last week. Instead of making any predictions (I usually jinx the teams by cheering for them), so I will write about a few interesting facts about hockey players, complete with their jersey number and how many stitches on their face (just kidding).

At 45 years old Chris Chelios (#24) of the Detroit Red Wings is the oldest defenseman to play in the Stanley Cup Playoffs. The oldest player ever compete in this physical sport was Gordie Howe "Mr. Hockey" who was still playing at 52 years old. The youngest player in this playoffs is Jordan Staal (#11) of Pittsburgh Penguins. With all the media coverage, I thought the most youthful player was Sidney Crosby. This week, Staal was named one of the three finalists of the Calder Memorial Trophy for outstanding rookie.

There are two set of twin brothers, Henrik Lundqvist (#30) the goalie of the New York Rangers and his brother, Joel (#39) playing center for the Dallas Stars. The other twin are Daniel (#22) the left wing and Henrik (#33) Sedin, playing center for the Vancouver Canucks. The Niedermayer brothers (not twin), Rob (#44) center and Scott (#27) defenseman, got their wishes to play on the same team for Anaheim Mighty Ducks after the New Jersey Devils defeated the Ducks in Game 7 of the 2005 Stanley Cup. Hot off the press - the Mighty Ducks won game 5 and eliminated the Canucks last night.

A few last names that sound like good characters for a children book, Cheechoo, Ruutu and Tootoo. Jonathan Cheechoo (#14) a right winger for the San Jose Sharks, Jarkko Ruutu (#37) left wing for Pittsburgh Penguins and Jordin Tootoo (#22) right wing of the Nashville Predators.

How about Miroslav Satan (#81) right winger of the New York Islanders (was with the Buffalo Sabres). Satan is a native of Topolcany, Czechoslovakia. Satan is pronounced as "Sar ten", not "Sat'n". With a name like this, you would think Satan should play for the New Jersey Devils!

The majority of the players are from Canada, Russia, Sweden, Czechoslovakia and Eastern European countries. There is only one player from Seoul, South Korean, Richard Park (#10) a right winger with the New York Islanders. Paul Kariya (#9) left winger of the Nashville Predators is Asian-Canadian.

You probably want to know who my favorite players are. Of course, Steve Yzerman is #1 on my list, following by more Red Wings players - Chris Osgood (#30) goalie, Da New Captain Nickolas Lidstrom (#5) defenseman, Henrik Zettenberg (#40) left wing and #13 Pavel Datsyuk, center. Datsyuk was named one of the three finalists for the Lady Bying Memorial Trophy, an award given to players who displayed sportsmanship and gentlemanly conducts.

If I have one wish, I would like to see the Red Wings re-sign Slava Kozlov (#13) back from Atlanta Thrashers. Another wish would be a job as an announcer with the Canadian Broadcasting, that would be a dream come true, watching hockey, talking about the games and getting paid for doing what I love.

RECYCLING IN ST. LOUIS

My brother came back from a two-week trip to Hong Kong and China. I was so thankful for the technology that allows us to somewhat keep in touch by a few brief email messages and short entries in VL's blog. I was happy to read the email that my brother arrived safely, half way around the world, in China and followed his vacation from cyberspace. I am very proud to introduce to my adoring fans my brother's blog, http://qaptainqwerty.blogspot.com. There are many interesting stories about VL's recent trip and of course, other entries about the World Greatest Qaptain Qwerty.

The entry VL posted about recycling in China showing a photo of public trash receptacle with separate containers for recyclables and non-recyclables was written the same week Earth Day was celebrated at Forest Park in St. Louis. It takes a person with environmental mind like my brother to notice plastic containers for the purpose of collecting used batteries.

I am not a committed conservationist. I do try to recycle paper at the office and at home, plastic bottles, newspapers, and other acceptable items listed on the side of the containers. At work, we usually provide soda, water bottles and snacks at committee meetings. I put a sign, in large bold print, with arrows pointing, right above the bins, "For soda cans and water bottles". Somehow no one read the sign nor saw the bin because the soda cans and water bottles were thrown into the trash can next to the bin. I also gave up on recycle bins for the papers because trash was also thrown into the bins.

The organizer reported that 2007 Earth Day celebration was twice as big as last year and perhaps the largest gathering ever, thanks in part to the beautiful sunny day. The hybrid cars drew a lot of attention. Participants took part in various events such as tai chi, children making toys from earth friendly materials, getting ideas on recycling and St. Louis Zoo offered lectures encouraging people to be more aware of wildlife in their own backyard.

Lately I began using washable napkins instead of paper napkins at meal times. It saves money and not adding to the landfill. I finally found a solution for collecting cans at work, I placed a different trash can and a sign on the lid in large bold print "Soda Cans and Bottles Only". I usually read articles for ideas on recycling and earth friendly items. However, let me make it clear that I will not give up on the double-ply toilet tissues. I paid my dues in the seven months living in the refugee camp. I refuse to go back to the "primitive" way when it comes to this necessity.

PRAYERS FOR HEALING

I have not been able to update my blog since last Monday. The new entry I plan to write became so trivia after the terrible event took place at Virginia Tech. I could not imagine the pains the families of the 32 individuals whose lives were ended so suddenly. I could only imagine the wounds so deep in their hearts, a million times over compared to the passing of my Dad. It is not my intention to make light of the passing of my Dad or anyone who suffered long term illnesses. It is especially so tragic when parents buried their children, most painfully the way their promising future were taken away in this manner.

There was no shortage of experts or people who parade on talk shows with their analysis of "should have, could have, should be, would be". I don't have anything to add to the discussion. Personally, I have thought what if I was the parent of the gunman, could I prevent the killing? Would I be able to see that he would become a killer? How would I as a mother overcome the pains and regrets that I gave life to a child with a devil heart?

There is a Vietnamese saying, "Cha me sinh con, khong the sinh long". As father and mother, you could only give life (birth) to the child but you could not know what the child will grow up to be (what will be in the child's heart).

I am not the only viewer who shut off the television when the media kept showing notes and video (sent to the network prior to the shooting) of the gunman final words. I became sicken when people began to exploit this terrible incident for their own gains as if what they say or do will in anyway lessen the pains inflicted on the families.

As an individual, I could only offer my prayers of healing to all the families and to our nation. The idea came to me after watching a special feature on the network, listing all 32 people who were killed, their names and who they were - a father, a mother, a son and a daughter. I began to repeat their names, imagine that they were my neighbors, my friends, my child, and not just a list of names in the mechanical television report.

Before church service, I quietly read the name of each person, praying for the repose of their souls, lifting their families up to God for healing, God's hand over the wounds in their hearts. To the families, including the family of the gunman, I offer my prayers of healing.

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY, MOM & DAD

April 15, 2007 would have been my parents' 49th Wedding Anniversary. Mom told me one time that it was easy to remember their anniversary since living in America no one could forget that April 15th was also the deadline for filing income tax returns. Of course, when my parents got married, the date was chosen by an expert who consulted his astrological charts, checking compatibility of the birth dates of the groom and bride to-be to ensure a long lasting happy marriage. Families dead ancestors were also consulted through prayers and living relatives in high authority positions were also paid respect to and for their approval.

Like many marriages during that time, my parents' marriage was arranged by someone who was respected and knew both parents from business circle. The marriage was arranged but not forced. My maternal grandparents were business owners and respected in the village. There were many matchmakers already inquiried about their youngest and only daughter. My Mom was an attractive young lady combined with her parents' wealth explained the long list of many suitors.

After the initial contact by a business acquaintance who was also a well-known matchmaker, my paternal grandfather (A Cung) made a visit from Cau Ngang (my Dad's birthplace) to my maternal grandfather (Che Cung) in Cau Tau Ha (Mom's birthplace). A month or so, another meeting was arranged, this time my Dad came along. The first time Mom saw Dad was when she was asked to serve tea to A Cung, Dad and other guests as an informal face to face introduction. Mom said that she was so nervous that when she put the teapot down in front of Dad, she almost slammed the teapot on the table.

Later, Mom's parents (Che Cung & Che Pho) asked Mom whether she liked Dad and whether she would agree to marry him. Mom knew she was not forced and could refuse the arrangement. Fortunately for Dad, Mom responded that it was up to her parents. Che Cung mentioned that he had consulted others about Dad's family, his characters and based on Dad's facial features, he thought Dad would be a loving husband and a good father. Che Cung said that he did not pay attention to the fact that Dad's family wealth was not of the same level. His only concern was finding a husband who would be faithful and loving to his only daughter.

After the engagement was announced, Dad would visit Mom every other month during his business trips. They would go for a walk or to the park, not alone but with two elderly ladies following and keeping watch. There was no such thing as "roadside kissing" or drive-in movie, Talk about the big difference compared to what takes place in today's society regarding relationships and marriages. Mom still remembered the poems Dad wrote to her and the long letters she sent back each week.

The wedding was a three-day celebration with lot of relatives, and guests from both families attended. In the traditional setting, the groom's family took care of all the expense for the wedding and presented gifts to the bride's family. Normally the bride would live with the in-laws after the wedding. I have to ask Mom the reason why Dad live with her parents' family instead. There were many people who came to the wedding with gifts of expensive items and money to show respect and to express their gratitute for the help Che Cung had assisted them over the years.

An idea just came to me that I should write an entry comparing my wedding in America to my parents', where as mine had all the typical fanfares such as bridal shower, my husband' bachelor party, the sharing of expense of the wedding, and the traditional church service.

My favorite story was that as part of the wedding celebration, Che Cung gave a large sum of money to build a school in the village. The principal wanted to name the school after Che Cung and he refused. Talk about being a true humanitarian and modesty.

Three years later I came along. Then CH, TL and finally VL. Thanks, Che Cung for your choice of selecting the loving and faithful husband for Mom and a great father for us. From the humble home in Viet Nam, to the journey seeking freedom in the open sea, to the little hut in the refugee camp, to the new land in America, each step we took towards a good life, Dad was there with us, providing and caring the best way he could. Happy Anniversary, Mom & Dad. Thank you, Dad, for all you did for us.

CULTURE SHOCK

By coincidence that I saw a book entitled, Culture Shock! A Survival Guide to Customs and Etiquette by Esther Wanning. The author explained that the book provides necessary information to help anyone who experiences cultural shock with hints and tips to make their lives as normal as possible. Cultural shock is defined as "a state of disorientation" that overcomes a person who has been thrust into unknown surroundings when they move to a new country.

I thought how nice it would have been if I was given this book when I first arrived in New York. I would settled in with the greatest of ease, knowing all about dos and don'ts and understood the behaviors of the people around me. But wait, how could I make use of the book since I did not know the English language? As if reading my mind, the author wrote on page 188, "You (the reader) presumably speak English well or you wouldn't be reading this book." Too bad if you don't speak English well, or not at all, trying to survive in the new country, especially in New York City, good luck (my post script)!

I learned quickly different ways people say hello or extend greetings, "What's up?", "How you've been?", "What's news?", "What's going on?" etc., all have the same meaning as the question "How are you?". Also, when someone said, "How are you?", they did not really want to know how I was and the appropriate polite, yet short response should be, "I am fine. Thank you."

More than twenty years later, I am still not comfortable addressing someone who is considerably older or in high position, by first name. My professors at Saint Louis University could not understand why I was the only graduate student who addressed them as "Dr. Anderson" or "Professor Scott". Call me old fashion, I am dismayed and could not accept young people, particularly children, calling adults by their first names. (RJS (February 19, 2007 entry) would confirm that to this day I would not address him by his first name.)

From the co-workers of my early days in America, I learned about "the long weekend" or the three-day weekends, when we all got a day off either on Friday or the Monday on major federal holidays such as Memorial Day, Fourth of July, Labor Day, Thanksgiving and Christmas. I noticed how people would stand around telling each other about the trips they took or how they enjoyed the days off and did not start to get any work done until almost noon.

I learned to say "Thank You" when someone complimented how nice I look or about my pretty new shirt/shoes. And when someone said "Thank You", I should say "You're Welcome" and not "It was nothing" or "I did not do anything". It took me a long time to join in the celebration when a co-worker celebrated her birthday. I could not understand why the person had to announce to the entire office or making sure that everyone knew and wished her happy birthday.

One of the funny thing I still remember to this day was my misunderstanding of an expression that was truly American. The first time a person said to me "Would you go to bat for me?" when he requested an order to be shipped the next day, I thought he said, "Would you go to bed with me?" I was so shocked. I handed the phone over to a co-worker. Later, I told MC, a trusted friend, after MC explained to me what the expression was, we had a good laugh for a few days.

More about my culture shock in future entries, for now, I am proud to say I have survived and have come a long way since my early days in America.

NHL PLAYOFFS - ROUND 1

I have been checking the Detroit Red Wings website for their playoffs schedule. As of this afternoon, it only listed Calgary Flames as the opponent for Round 1 of the 2007 Stanley Cup playoffs. The exact dates for the games are not yet determined. Most likely the Red Wings will have home ice advantage as the best team in Western Conference. Since last week, I have been actually cheering for Buffalo Sabres to win all the regular season games so that they will receive the President's Trophy for being the team with the most win in the League. The last few years the Red Wings suffered the curse of the Trophy as it was eliminated and did not make it pass Round 1.

The title of this entry could also be "Why I love hockey?". I love hockey because I admire the skills of the players, the physical demand, the coordination (eyes-hands-feet) while speeding around the ice, knowing exactly where your teammates are and the accuracy of the puck being passed at the right angle, the rebounds and the savings. My favorite players are the goalies because they are in a very special position and they don't get the credit they deserved. When the team won, the players who scored the goals got all the credits. When the team lost, the fans blamed the goalie for allowing the pucks to get by. The goalies are special because they are crazy to try stopping the pucks flying at the speed that could crack not just human bones but could shatter a brick wall. Ok, I exagerated, but you must be a real hockey fan to appreciate my passion for the game.

I remember a childhood friend of my father came to New York for a visit in 1988. He was sponsored by his children and lived in Canada for a few years. Somehow he became a fanatic to the sport that he spent half of the time watching hockey instead of sighseeing. Come to think of it, it probablly was the Stanley Cup playoffs. My Dad could not understand what happened to his friend who had the same passion for soccer when they were kids, had turned into a fanatic for a different kind of sport.

Last weekend when we discussed our vacation for this year, I mentioned to my husband that before I turn 70 years old, I want to see all the home games of all 30 NHL teams. So far I have only been to Joe Louis Arena (Detroit Red Wings), Scotttrade (St. Louis Blues) and recently saw the Nashville Predators. My vacation plan for this year will include my first trip to the Hockey Hall of Fame in Toronto, Canada. I also hope to include a Maple Leafs game when we are there.

I would love to be in the audience when Steve Yzerman, Da Captain of the Detroit Red Wings, be inducted into the Hall of Fame. In my office, above my computer, in a prominent spot, is a photo of Yzerman, his eyes focused, the intensity, the determination, I could see Yzerman flying on the ice, passing the pucks back and forth, setting up the play, and at the right moment, made accurate decision to go top shelf, out of reach of the goalie's glove or to go low and scored through the fifth hole.

I would like to start with attending home games of the original six - Boston Bruins, Chicago Blackhaws, Detroit Red Wings (done), Montreal Canadiens, New York Rangers and Toronto Maple Leafs. Next will be the other Canadian teams - Calgary Flames, Edmonton Oilers, Ottawa Senators, and Vancouver Canucks. Midwest, Southwest and East coast teams are next on the list. Because of the distance and the expense, I will leave the West coast teams last on the list.

Why I love hockey? Because hockey is similar to living - the game is fast, it requires focus, mental and physical strength, no allowance for distraction, eyes-hands-feet must be 100% coordinated, never lose sight of the puck (objective), knowing where your teammates as well as opponents are, making split-second decision without the luxury of correction, knowing when to capitalize on others' mistakes and knowing when to shoot and making calculation of where the puck would have the most chance to pass the goalie.

The Red Wings finally listed their Round 1 playoffs schedule. I plan to schedule my activities around all the games broadcasted on American networks. Unfortunately, I have work commitment on Wednesday (Canucks vs. Stars - Game 1), church group meeting on Thursday ( Red Wings vs. Flames - Game 1) and Cardinals baseball game on Sunday (Red Wings - Game 2). I could record the games and do my best to avoid all human contacts, not listen to radio, not watching television nor reading newspaper until after I watched the recorded games. Or I could move to Canada. NHL Playoffs - it is the most exciting time in the sport world. Let's the games begin - Go Wings!

APRIL SHOWERS BRING MAY FLOWERS

In keeping with the theme, I thought the saying, April showers bring May flowers, would be appropriate for the first entry of this month. (The entry for last month was March Madness, March 14th).

I also thought the meaning of this expression was fitting since April has a few important dates in my life. April 30, 1975 was the day when the Northern Vietnamese communist took over South Viet Nam. Four years later, April 1979, my family began our final preparation to escape the country by boat. I realized that there were many events in my life when something good (May flowers) happened (or may happen) as a result of unpleasant event (April showers). There are other sayings that have similar meanings, Every Cloud has a Silver Lining or Everything happened for a reason. Life is a picnic. You have to take the sunshine with the rains, the butterfly with the bees and the gentle breeze with the occassional wind blowing away the umbrella. (I am in the mood of Socrates wannabe).

My life in Viet Nam would be completely different, at the most uneventful, if the communist never took over and I never left the country. Actually a matchmaker already contacted my parents to set up a possible marriage arrangement. That family was in the same Chinese medicine/herbal business and I would be suitable for the oldest son which guaranteed that I would be well taken care of since the oldest son normally inherited the family business. While my family suffered in the four years living under communist control, endured the horrid boat journey, the seven months in the refugee camp, the struggle in the new land (April showers), we are grateful that we are living in America and receiving so many blessings (May flowers). If it was not for these events, we would not enjoy the freedom and living a good life in America compared to living in Viet Nam.

When I married my husband, I gave up the dream of working as a diplomat at United Nations. I always felt guilty for moving far away from my family. Yet moving to Grand Haven, Michigan expanded my horizon beyond New York City, driving in the extreme winter condition replaced riding the routine subway and experiencing life in the small town at much slower pace. Moving to St. Louis added another dimention in my American experience. The pace is just right, not too hectic and the cost of living not too high as in New York, yet the town is big enough so that it is not suffocating and plenty of opportunities to grow.

When we first came to New York, Uncle Ping informed my Dad that he would help secure an apartment in Chinatown for our family. He thought that would help eliminate the language barriers. We would be among Chinese speaking people and not worry about learning English. His wife then would help my Mom and me getting work in a sewing factory, of course also in Chinatown. The plans included finding a suitable husband for me, (again with the arrangement of marriage!), a man who was a cook to ensure that I would not be hungry! My Dad thanked Uncle for his assistance and thoughtfulness. Dad explained that he believed we should all learn to speak English, get college education, assimilate in the American culture, yet maintain our Chinese traditions at home.

Last year when the terrible storm left our area without power for a few days, the Association's major golf tournament almost got cancelled when the golf course did not have electricity until half an hour before the scheduled shotgun. Half of the carts were not fully charged and the rains continued to create problems on the course. One of the members commented to me, "Is this the worst day of your life?". I responded, "Compared to being on a crowded boat with water up to my knees, in the middle of the ocean, being chased after by the pirates, being threaten at gunpoint and not knowing where we were going, this is a picnic."

Yes, life is picnic. The next time I take things for granted, I will remind myself to count my blessings and stop whinning about a minor inconvenience. "An occassion of April showers will bring lovely May flowers."

ALL ABOARD!

I hit the buzzer when the small alarm clock on the end table next to my bed went off. I knew I had to get up and get ready for work. Normally I would wait until the big alarm clock on the dresser located the other side of the bedroom to go off. That would be another half an hour of sleep. Placing the alarm clock on the dresser was my husband's idea because it forces us to get up to shut off the buzzer.

My workplace is very small, only five employees including me. Starting today, the receptionist, TC is taking her week-long vacation with her family visiting relatives in England. I have to help answering the phones whenever TC is out. I dislike this task and have unsuccessfully convinced my boss to upgrade to automated phone system. He prefers a receptionist or a real person to the impersonal system with the main menu and a list of employees' extensions. The reason I dislike having to answer the phone because I find that most of callers are lack of telephone etiquette. Most of the time I have to ask "May I ask whom I am speaking to?" because the callers failed to properly identify themselves. Some people are rightdown rude as if it was my fault that whoever they called did not return their calls or became upset at me when I told them that the boss was on the other line. Of course, I still have to take care of my regular workload.

Also this week, my brother, VL and his son JL together with his wife and her family are leaving today for a two-week vacation to China. This is the second trip for VL and the first oversea trip to a non-Western country for JL. My sister-in-law is of Chinese national and the trip is more like a family reunion visiting relatives in her home village. VL commented that he did not look forward to the long flight (approximately 16+ hours) from New York to Hong Kong and the long rides by bus into China and to get to the remote village. I feel bad that VL won't have any time for activities that would be interesting to him. The trip is more like an obligation than a vacation.

My husband and I have talked about a trip to Viet Nam, my birthplace and to China to see the Great Wall and the Emperor's Tomb where an army of life-size terra-cotta clay figures were constructed. I am glad that my parents were able to visit Viet Nam in 1998 before my Dad passed away in 2001. My Mom has talked about going back before she becomes too old and too weak for the long flight. Lately, I have thought a lot about how emotional it would be when I finally go back to Viet Nam, my first trip since we left the country in 1979. I was a teenager when I left and would be going back as a middle-age woman.

This weekend my husband and I will be going to see the Nashville Predators taking on the Dallas Stars. We will be staying at a hotel across from the arena and downtown Nashville. We visited Nashville in 1991 when my husband had a job interview with a company in Bowling Green, Kentucky. He did not take the job. After we moved to St. Louis, we spent a weekend in Nashville in 1996 and saw the first performance of Brad Paisley at the Grand Ole Opry who currently is one of the well-known stars in country music.

With my brother in China, my co-worker in England and I am taking a weekend trip, I thought of a saying my father used to say, "Cai nha co chan, no cung di" - If the house grew feet, it would be taking off to some place. The world is big and there are many interesting places to visit - all aboard!

THE WURST FESTIVAL

In case my adoring fans thought the title of this entry is misspelled, it is not. Last weekend, my husband and I went to Hermann, Missouri for the Wurstfest. It was a two-day celebration of Hermann's 160-year history of sausage making and German culture. It sure was the best Wurst Festival!

For a very reasonable cost of $6.00 per person, we were invited to sample various sausages made by local sausage makers. There were products available to purchase after the sampling. There were also wine tasting, guided tours at the many wineries, German music and dancing and of course, demonstrations of sausage making the old traditional way. We purchased jalapeno & cheddar (spicy), Smoked Kielbasa (Polish) for my husband, Sweet Lebanon Bologna, Smoked Polynesian (also sweet) for me and a small package of snack sticks.

The town of Hermann is about an hour from St. Louis. According to the tourism brochure, Hermann was founded in 1836 by the German winegrowers in search of the ideal location for their vineyards. They found a site bounded by hills and bluffs on three sides and the Missouri River on the north which was similar to the Rhine River region in Germany. In addition to the famous family-owned wineries, there are many bed & breakfast inns with the view of the Missouri River, many fine restaurants with authentic local cookings, gift shops and antiques places.

While sampling the sausages, I learned a bit of history about different kinds of bratwursts. I learned that summer sausage is a general term for the kind of sausage that was made using extra dried salty ingredient to keep for a long time since a hundred years ago there was no refrigeration to store the meat. Actually the Hawaiian bratwurst tasted almost like the Chinese sausage. We called it "lap xuong" in Vietnamese. I think my Mom still puts "lap xuong" in her famous fried rice. There are also jerky but I did not care much because the western jerky are tough and hard, unlike the jerky found in Chinese grocery shops, tender, sweet and juicy.

I sure came a long way when I was a newly arrival Vietnamese refugee learning about the American fastfood. There was a Burger King near Magda K. Company (my first job in America). Once a week, instead to bringing lunch, I would go to Burger King, pointed at an item such as Whopper, ordered it, ate it to learned what a whopper was and asked someone at work how to pronounce "whopper". Later I tried "Big Mac" at McDonnald, learned about french fries and no longer questioned how anyone could eat so much meat or food in one meal.

It was a beautiful day when we were in town. After the tasting of sausage, we went down to the park by the river, with a bag of fresh kettle korn, we watched the trains went by, waved at the conductors and exchanged friendly greetings - what a relaxing day in the old charming American town.

For someone who does not appreciate or collect recipes and do not enjoy drinking, I sure had a great time in Hermann. We plan to go back in June (8-10) when "A Taste for the Arts" festival takes place.

LAW & ORDER

What an interesting coincidence that a few days after my most recent entry entitled March Madness (Wednesday, March 14th) about the "worth more than gold" tickets to the World Series in St. Louis and the other entry Innocent Until Proven Guilty (Sunday, March 18th) about excessive drinkings, the front page of the St. Louis Post-Dispatch featured a report about the St. Louis Cardinals, Mr. Tony La Russa being arrested for driving under the influence of alcohol and another story about World Series tickets confiscated by the St. Louis police being used and put back afterward as evidence.

I don't know how it started, the last six months I became "addicted" to the television show called Law & Order, the original series and the spin-off Special Victims Unit series. I have not yet paid attention to other spin-off series, Criminal Intent and Trial by Jury. Perhaps the reason I enjoy this legal drama program because it took place in New York City, my American hometown. It is unrealistic with the proceeds, then trial preparation to an indictment with the accused often ended with a guilty verdict wrapping up the show in half an hour. The same detectives always found evidences and witnesses (normal people with excellent photographic memory) willing to give descriptions of the would-be criminals. The prosecutors would be the good lawyers seeking justice on behalf of the victims .

According to the newspaper article, about 10 St. Louis City police officers are under investigation for allegedly using about 30 World Series tickets seized from people who attempted to sell tickets for more than face value, used the tickets and then returned the tickets back to the evidence locker. Opinions from the experts of the legal field aruged whether the officers committed a crime of tampering with evidence or just a simple case of human weakness (as a sport fanatic, I understand the temptation) and what the harm since the tickets are still the same condition to be presented as evidence! I will leave the guilty verdict to the judge. I do wonder what made the officers think that no one would ever find out!

The other story about Mr. La Russa 's arrest. When I wrote about people who became drunken fools or those who could not control their intake of alcohol at business functions, I did not know that Mr. La Russa would be helping me proving my points. I also wrote that there are definitely no excuses for anyone to drive while intoxicated. Most of the people who called in to the radio stations or sending comments to the media, wanted to brush this matter off or minimize what could be a fatal mistake. While I agree that Mr. La Russa will move on and the rest of us will stop talking about the incidence, I question what else must be done so that a parent, a child or a loved one will not die the next time a drunken fool chose to get behind the wheel and slam into another vehicle driven by someone's mother, father, son or daughter? Many St. Louisians still recalled the tragic story of a mother/wife/daughter who was killed by a St. Louis Rams player a few years ago when he hit her car after he was already drunk coming from a party.

I understand that it is not my place to decide what the appropriate penalty should be. I will not be the person who cast the stone at Mr. La Russa either. (Jesus said, "Anyone here who has never sinned, let him throw the first stone". John 8:7) However, will Mr. La Russa be able to keep himself from repeating the same mistake? ("Go, and don't sin anymore" John 8:11).

Yes, I know you should not judge a man until you've walked in his boots. Yes, I know "Judge not, that ye be not judged". Since I don't drink and I am NOT planning to learn the art of consuming alcohol, I would safely say that I would not receive the same scrutiny of the same offense or might be walking in Mr. La Russa's boots/shoes.

INNOCENT UNTIL PROVEN GUILTY

As I was driving to work last Thursday morning, I detected an unpleasant smell in my car. I became a bit nervous as I realized what the ordor was. I drove extra careful and prayed that I would not be involved in an accident or pulled over by the police. How would I explain to the nice officer the overwhelming smell of beer coming from inside my car, specifically at 8:30 a.m.?

My adoring fans know that I don't have a 9-to-5 work schedule. There are activities in the evenings such as membership meetings, Board of Directors meetings, golf tournaments, Christmas Party and of course, the occassional industry meetings for networking purpose with other trade associations. Membership meetings take place the 2nd Wednesdays of the months except during the summer as it is the peak of construction work for our members. Board of Directors meetings are usually on the third Wednesday every other month.

It happened at least once or twice every six months or so, one of the members would walk up to the registration table, picked up a pre-printed nametag from me, put down his beer (of course, it had to be a full bottle) to put the nametag on his jacket. Somehow the person or someone next in line, managed to knock the beer bottle over during this simple process. For a geezer like myself, I still had pretty good reflex to take a step back from the table. But not quick enough to avoid beer all over my shoes and not fast enough to move the other nametags and the table banner (pre-printed logo) out of the way. It happened last Wednesday night, so I am safe for another six months.

We collect the nametags after each meeting to be used at the next function. I normally get home around 10:00 p.m. from the events. All work-related material (the beer stained nametags included) stayed in my car until the next day when I take everything back to the office. "Officer Smith, that was the reason why my car permeated with the smell of beer as if I had been drinking all night!", that would be my response to the nice police officer.

Since working at the Association, I have learned about the importance of what to serve at cocktails and to ask for specific brand name of liquors. Some facilities will provide premium drinks when being asked but would not include many choices when compared to deluxe package. Personally I could count the occassions when I consumed alcohol on one hand. I drank champaign at my wedding, one or twice at family functions and an occassion when I drank the whole bottle of beer after an automobile accident about fifteen years ago. My husband and I were not hurt but the brand new vehicle we were about to purchase had to be removed from the ditch and towed back to the car dealership. This is a story for future entry.

When selecting a location for the Christmas Party, we usually pick a facility with overnight accomdations. We encourage our members and guests not to drive home after the party. I am not against social drinking, only people who became drunken fools in business social settings. My respect for a few members, particularly Board members, has diminished after I witnessed their behaviors because they could not control their intake of alcohol. There are definitely no excuses for drunk driving. All establishments provide car services, even at no cost to prevent the person from driving while intoxicated.

I will keep an airfresher in the car just in case and remember to wipe off the beer stain on my shoes. That way I don't have to explain my innocence against the "could be guilty" evidence.

MARCH MADNESS

I purchased the American Idioms Dictionary (Second Edition - Richard A. Spears, Ph. D.) a long time ago because I wanted to put together a comparison of proverbs and common sayings that are also similar to Vietnamese popular expressions. Since I learned English when I was 19 years old, I became interested not only the American/English sayings but also their origins and the famous people the popular sayings attributed to. I specially enjoy the one-liners and how usage of standard proverbs/sayings vary in different contexts.

Recently I learned that the proverb "The best things in life are free" implies that the things that give a person the most happiness don't cost anything. According to the book America's Popular Sayings by Gregory Titelman, the saying was originated in 1927 from the song "The Best Things in Life are Free" by Buddy G. De Silva. The song also was a hit in the Boardway musical Good News. I have always thought it was about freebies, things that are provided free-of-charge or no cost.

Like any other jobs, mine has its plusses and minusses. For a sports fanatic, I truly appreciate a few incentives such as earlier this month when my husband and I were invited to watch the Missouri Valley Conference championship basketball game from the press box with food and drinks all provided, complimentary from the public relations firm of the Association. Last year when the St. Louis Cardinals was in the World Series, my husband and I attended Game #3, complimentary of the Association. You could not purchase these tickets, definitely would not be available at cost and people were willing to pay thousands of dollars for the tickets.

I don't follow college basketball games and did not know much about March Madness, I decided to learn a little so I could have an intelligent conversation while watching the deciding game between Southern Illinois (the Sulakis) vs. Creighton (the Bluejays). Creighton dominated the game from the beginning and defeated Southern Illinois 67-61 to capture the championship. The wonderful Wikipedia and the website marchmadness.org explained the history of March Maddness. A teacher and coach named Hanry V. Porter gave birth to the term "March Madness" which originally used to describe the frenzy of the Illinois state high school basketball tournaments. Since 1908, the tournaments have grown from a small affair to a statewide event with over 900 schools competing by the late 1930's. Now the spirit of March Madness became one of the most prominent sports events, with fans gathering in large crowds from coast to coast watching and betting on games featuring 65 college basketball teams across the United States over 3 weeks in March.

I am not planning to watch any regional games this week or the Final Four scheduled the last weekend. As explained, we went to the game a few weeks ago because of free food and drinks. So I was wrong about the meanings of the expression "The best things in life are free". What about the sayings "there is no such thing as free lunch"? How about "Let's go Dutch"?

ABSENCE MAKES THE HEART GROW FONDER

My sister, CH informed me when I called on Sunday that Mom was at the hospital because it was thought she could have a stroke. Thank God it was not. My brother VL was with Mom as they were waiting for a room since the doctor wanted to keep Mom there overnight for observation as a precaution. I tried not to get nervous as there was nothing I could do to help or immediately rushed to the hospital since I live almost 1,000 miles away.

I called the next morning and VL told me that Mom would be going home in the afternoon. There was nothing serious with Mom's health. The next few days I would call Mom during the day to remind her to eat and to find out how she was feeling. I listened to Mom repeating her unpleasant experience with the nurses in the emergency room being rude. Already Mom planned to make her delicious eggrolls and cakes to give to other nurses who were kind to her.

During our regular phone conversations on the weekend, Mom usually tells me news about relatives or matters that she was not happy about. I learn to listen without asking too many questions to clarify what the situation was about. Mom did not need me to solve any of her problems. When Mom asks, I always say everything is alright. I don't share about my work or community activities that I am involved in. Mom did not know about my broken foot in 2003 until much later and of course, she never knew about my plan of seperation from my husband. We don't talk about anything personal or emotionally ladden. As I get older, I wish our relationship would not be superficials and strictly dutiful.

A 2-story house to the right of us has been on the market over a year. My husband kept saying that it would be perfect if my brother would move here. The backyard provides plenty of space for his son to play, a two-car garage, full basement, and walking distance to nearby parks with fishing ponds. My husband responded "What is wrong with that?" when I accused him that he just wanted to have my Mom next door to bring him all the good food.

There is a saying in Vietnamese, "O xa moi chan, O gan moi mieng" - rough translation "distance will make it difficult (the feet got tired from walking) to visit each other often, yet living nearby (too close) could create frictions or disagreement (the mouths got tired from constant arguments)". People often feel more affectionate toward each other when they are apart. If we lived in a perfect world, I would live not next door to Mom, just an hour of driving distance. That way neither the feet nor the mouth will be tired!

THE BRADY BUNCH

This entry is not about the American television situation comedy show that aired from 1969 to 1974 on the ABC network about Mike Brady, a widowed architect with three sons married Carol Martin who had three daughters. It is interesting to note that there was no mention of how Carol's first marriage ended because the network knew that the audience might not accept Carol as a divorced woman. The series reflected, at that time, the growing marriages involved children from a previous marriage.

The entry is about Mr. Tom Brady, the New England Patriots three-time Super Bowl winning quarterback, who became a proud father-to-be. According to the press release, Mr. Brady acknowledged that he is the father of the child with Ms. Bridget Moynahan, an actress in various movies and television series. The situation is somewhat complicating because Mr. Brady and Ms. Moynahan ended their relationship last year. Yet, according to their publicist, Ms. Moynahan is three months pregnant with Mr. Brady's child.

A week later, another similar headline reporting Ms. Charlotte Church, the famous Welsh singer, and her boyfriend, announced that they were expecting a child. Ms. Church is famous for her beautiful voice and had performed at the closing ceremonies of the 2002 Olympic Games in Salt Lake City as well as special audience with Pope John Paul II. I enjoyed her first album, Voice of an Angel, released in 1998. Her music collections were sold over million copies and were on the top of the classical album charts.

I was somewhat disappointed as I have been fond of Mr. Brady and Ms. Church. I am 46 years old, so they could be my son (Mr. Brady is 29) and daughter (Ms. Church recently turned 21). It is not my place and I don't attemp to have a mightier-than-thou attitude to preach about Mr. Brady and Ms. Church having children out of weblock. Today, in the Western society, we no longer place a strong stigma on children born to parents who were not validly married. Call me old-fashion, I expected headlines of lavish weddings, then announcements of the birth of beautiful children from Mr. Brady and Ms. Church and not the latter without the official matrimony.

About 10 years ago, my husband and I found out a similar situation occurred on his side of the family. When her mother passed away in 1997, CF (my husband's cousin), learned that the cousin from Ohio actually was her older brother. As CF and her two brothers prepared for the funeral (their father passed away in 1993), an uncle, a brother of CF's mother, explained that they needed to notify the Cousin from Ohio and allowed him time to make travel arrangements from Ohio to Michigan. Uncle explained that CF's mother found out about the pregnancy after her lover already went off to serve in the Korean War (1950-1953). The family sent CF's mother to Ohio and the child was reared by relatives. At 44 years old, CF learned that she had an older brother whom she had always thought was just a cousin. CF finally realized why her mother had to spend part of her summer vacation in Ohio and it was clear that her mother always had special Christmas gifts for the Cousin from Ohio and his children. (I wonder if CF and her brothers found a note or letter from their mother explaining what happened or whether CF resented that her mother kept the secret from her all those years. I also wonder if CF tried to recapture the connection with her older brother or the relationship became too little too late situation.)

As I am unable to have children, I know that a child is a precious gift, no matter under what circumstances the child was born. To Mr. Brady and Ms. Church, best wishes to you and your children.

KNOCK KNOCK

After I learned that my nephew, JL started to tell knock-knock jokes, I went to the library and checked out a few knock-knock books. I found two books, one entitled, "the Best Knock-Knock Book Ever" by Charles Keller, illustrated by Jeff Sinclair and another "Doctor Knock-Knock's Official Knock-Knock Dictionary" by Joseph Rosenbloom, illustrated by Joyce Behr.

For a few days after I started reading the books, I constantly practiced the jokes on my husband. Either I don't have the knack of telling knock-knock jokes or we were too old to appreciate the jokes. After a day or two, I noticed my husband tried to avoid me whenever he saw me coming toward him. I must have the look as if I was ready to share another knock-knock joke. I am trying to remember the punch lines so I could share JL new-founded interest.

Being 990.7 miles (or 14 hours 36 minutes driving distance) from JL, I sure miss sharing these wonderful years when a child learns so many new things and begins to show the level of intelligence. Most of the time, I don't get to talk to JL when I called. I understand that it is hard to get a 6-year old to carry on a lengthly phone conversation. I just wish I lived nearby or an hour away, then I could see my favorite nephew every weekend!

I remember up to when JL was about 4 years old, my mother and my sister-in-law's mother cared for JL during the day. Both grandmas only spoke Chinese to JL. When my husband and I visited JL, there was a bit of communication problem occurred. My husband, CP is third-generation Polish American and he only speaks English. JL enjoyed our visit and we spent a lot of time playing games with JL. When JL tried talking to CP, it was evident that there was a language barrier. After a few times, JL recognized that my husband did not understand (Chinese), JL began using hand signals and body gestures trying to communicate with CP. I remembered fondly how JL taped CP's hand, then pointed at the sofa and at the television, to ask CP to sit next to JL at the sofa and to watch JL's favorite video tape of Thomas the Train.

A year later, JL began to attend daycare during the summer, later pre-k. At 5-year old, JL managed to speak both English and Chinese beautifully. I marveled at how easily JL switched from answering my mother in Chinese when she asked him if he would like to have something to eat after he came home from school, then in English shared with my husband what JL learned in school that day. I noticed that JL already used correct grammar and complete sentences in his communication. His enunciation was excellent and almost flawless for a child, better than some football/basketball players doing interviews on national television. I became more tolerant of parents and grandparents bragging about how smart their kids were. Now I have my nephew to brag about.

To JL, here are a few knock-knock jokes I have learned -

Ben and Don (Been there, done that)

Stan (Stand back, I am going to sneeze)

Kent (Can you help me with my homework?)

Hanover (Hand over the chocolate bar)

Luke (Look who is coming towards us?)

Until next time, Olivia (I love you) very much, JL.

SELF WORTH FAIR DEALS

The article carried the headline "No love for Lovie" was about the Chicago Bears continued to brag their feet on the new contract for Coach Lovie Smith. "All I want is a fair deal," said Coach Smith about what was keeping the negotiations from reaching an agreement. At $1.45 million for the 2007-2008 season, Coach Smith would be the lowest paid coach after reaching the Super Bowl.

Supporters, myself included, questioned what else do the Bears need from Coach Smith to prove that the team need a coach who led the team to a 15-4 record, reaching the NFC championship and first Super Bowl appearance in more than two decades. Previously, the Bears won the Super Bowl Championship in 1985.

I had a similar experience when I had to fight for what I considered a fair compensation. In 1999, I decided to terminated my home-based translation business and began to search for a full time job. In addition to applying directly to the companies, I also signed up with temporary agencies. I was assigned to a position of accounting clerk at a local upscale family-own restaurant. I only needed a day of training in Peachtree (software for accounting) and after one week, impressed the owner (Mr. AG) by getting the system back on track. A month later, when the office manager quit without warning, I again accepted the challenge and kept the office running smoothly. I received many email and phone calls from vendors and customers telling me that the office had never been so efficient.

After three months as temporary employee, Mr. AG made me an offer of a permanent full time job as office manager. When we discussed compensation, Mr. AG offered me much less compared to the salary he originally listed with the temporary agency. Mr. AG explained that my resume did not include that I had experience managing an office. I responded that I had proved that I could handle the responsibility the last three months. Mr. AG commented that I focused more on the money than the opportunity to grow with his company. To this day, I still feel good thinking about what I said to Mr. AG, "It is not just about the money. It is about my self-worth and how much I am worth as an employee to your company." I never regreted not accepting the job for less than what I believe I should be compensated.

I am sure Coach Smith felt good this week when he and the owner of the Chicago Bears agreed on an extension through 2011. Coach Smith will earn about $4.7 million per season over the next five years, making him one of the highest paid NFL coaches.

My brother VL told me about his situation that he already reached the salary cap for his grade level in the company. The manager told VL that there would be no salary increase, though management did provide a bonus and an additional work-at-home day on the weekend. One of the VL entry entitled, "Should I Stay or Should I Go?" in which VL weighs the pros and cons of benefits of flexible work schedule and senority against the possibility of additional income by seeking employment elsewhere.

Many times in life, we have limited options when it comes to taking a job just to survive. As a refugee in the new land, my Dad worked as a dishwasher and a taxi driver to take care of our family. He never complained and always had a positive attitude. He also instilled in us that we must believe in our ability to achieve higher education and never accept anything less than what we believed was fair. I will always remember the words my Dad told us, "Your Mom and I sacrificed for you children. You know the language, you have college education and ability to reach higher ground, don't ever settle."

Remember your self-worth and never accept anything less than a fair deal.