EMPTY WOMB FULFILL HEART

"Is something wrong with you?", the person asked me. Her question was directed at me after I told her that my husband and I were not able to have children. Reactions from people after learning that I am married yet without children, were mostly assumptions that my body was being defective. After all, women are the ones who carry the child, and are responsible for giving birth, not the men.

Mardy S. Ireland, a psychologist with a clinical practice in Berkeley, California, wrote that traditional women who have failed to be mothers, who as childless women are perceived as a vast, unfillable empty womb and their bodies as black holes, unable to make contributions to society by producing a child. In her book "Reconceiving Women - Separating Motherhood From Female Identity", Ms. Ireland conducted a survey and found that 40% of American women do not have children. Women who biologically are denied by their bodies to carry children are labeled as traditional childless women. Society made these women feel so abnormal because of their failure to have children.

While society is most familiar and more accepting of these traditional childless women because of their medical condition, the transitional women are labeled as selfish since these women delayed child-bearing to pursue their careers until it is seemingly too late to have a child. These women who like me are not mothers have found source of personal fulfillment and purpose of our identities.

I never felt the need to explain to anyone the reason my husband and I could not have a child of our own. I also did not care to explain that we have tried to adopt but the adoption took too long and very costly. I did not care to admit that I would not be able to love a child born as a product of artificial insemination. Our childless situation was a medical condition that even expensive treatments could not correct. For more than two years, we were willing to take injections that left our bodies with bruises and dutifully taking and recording tempature on the charts everyday.

I remembered the times when I broke down in tears in the doctor's office or looking at the pretty little dresses imaging about the daughter I would never have. I remembered the times when I lied to strangers showing photos of my daughter, T. and son, W. (T and W are children of my best friends, M.) Recently when someone asked, I would tell them that my son is Brady Quinn, the quarterback of University of Notre Dame! Actually, at my age I could have a son in college. Of course, my son would receive full scholarships and we would not have to work two jobs, or worry about second mortgage to pay for the tuition.

If I could, I would trade all the fancy vacations and the investment porfolios for a child of my own. When my nephew J put his arms around my neck and said he loved me, and when I cradled his head in my arm while reading Thomas the Train story, my heart is filled with joy. I have learned to accept that I will be a childless woman. I am at peace with reality that having children isn't what makes me a woman or a person with fulfill heart.

I learned to accept my identity as a childless woman and as a complete person outside of the institution of motherhooad. I don't need affirmation from society that I am a woman with my own strong foundation. My heart is fill with love that could be shared with my nephew, children of my friends and many other children around me.

IN THE COLORS

The headline "Black Friday" prompted me to look in American Idioms Dictionary, Second Edition by Richard A. Spears, to learn more about the usage of colors in the English language. I also notice how Asian cultures assigned different meanings to the colors when compared to the English language.

While the term "black" is often used to describe something negative, Black Friday is a positive term for retailers. It is the term used to describe the day after Thanksgiving when crowds of frenzied people, mostly women, waited hours prior to the official time when the stores open at 5:00 a.m. hoping for some bargains. Black Friday is the official kick-off for the holiday season shopping.

I was never among the Black Friday shoppers. I don't like shopping and I don't need any new clothes or anything else. My brother L did the crazy thing this year and he wrote that he would never get up at 3:00 a.m. for Black Friday again. I will be sure to remind him next year.

In accounting term, "in the black" is good. When the company is in the black, it has no debt and is in financially profitable condition.

While the color red symbolizes good luck in most Asian cultures, it is bad luck in the English language when it comes to budgets and accounting. "In the red" means the company has a lot of debts and could be filing for bankruptcy.

When a person is "being a black sheep in the family", he/she is not successful as other family members (i.e. unemployed, has less education, live in a mobile home etc.) and is in trouble with the laws. I never saw a black sheep before.

Sometimes I considered myself a black sheep when compared to other successful Asians or Vietnamese Americans. I am not good with math or computer. My friend, RL, did not have a college degree, yet he is an owner of an insurance agency and a travel agency. He bought a nice house for his parents and he himself lives in Long Island with a wife and two kids.

Red could be used in negative manners such as "red tape" and "red herring". According to the dictionary, the government departments in England used red tape to tie up bundles of documents. Red tape being used to imply unnecessary delays were caused by too much rules and regulations.

Red herring is the term used when a piece of information introduced to draw attention away from the real issues. Herring is a type of strong-smelling smoked fish that was used along the trails to mislead hunting dogs.

Where as colors carry different meanings, I hope I will be "in the pink" as being in the pink means I am in very good health, physically and emotionally.

SMALL TOWN CHARM

My husband and I enjoy taking day trips to nearby historic towns such as Kimmwick, Washington and St. Genevieve. These are Missouri small towns with old world charm and rich in history. Without children and the demands of soccer games, dance lessons, or swim competitions to attend, we spend our weekend driving the Thunderbird to these small towns.

First stop is Kimmwick, Missouri, a historic riverfront town, just 22 miles south of St. Louis. In 1859, Theodore Kimms, a German dry goods merchant, purchased the land of 160 acres and named the town after himself, Kimmswick. Wealthy German merchants and stonecutters were among early settlers as the town prospered due to easy access to railroad and river transportation. The coming of automobiles sealed the fate of Kimmswick at the turn of the century. Today, the town is known for its unique antiques shops, historic buildings and landmarks, gift shops, annual Apple Butter Festivals in October, Strawberry Festivals in June, and The Blue Owl Restaurant and Bakery well known for its 40 different selections of pies and the Levee High Apple Pie (I measured the pie at 7 inches high!)


Washington, Missouri, is named after George Washington (who else?) and the family of Daniel Boone settled in the area starting in 1799. Washington was a strong supporter of the Union during the American Civil War. The town became a railroad and steamboat transportation center, and its manufacturing industry has remained strong from the end of the civil war until today. Missouri Meerschaum, Inc. the world largest corncob smoking pipe factory headquartered in Washington. There are 445 historic buildings, Bed and Breakfast inns, charming restaurants in old masions and plenty of gift shops.

The village of Ste. Genevieve, Missouri was established somewhere between 1722 and 1749. It is about an hour of driving from St. Louis. The villege is the only original French Colonial Village left in the United States. When in Ste. Genevieve, we take a walk around the town square, enjoyed looking at items in antique shops (we are not collectors and we don't know how to tell whether the old water pitcher is worth $50 or just a piece of junk), and have taste tests at various wineries. One of the historic houses is The Commandant's House which was a center for government activity during the final days of Spanish rule before the French took back the territory and sold it to the Americans. Jean Baptise Valle, its owner, came from colonial Ste. Genevieve's leading family, which had prospered in mining and mercantile business.

If you desire to leave your cell phone, pager, laptop and enjoy a weekend with peace and quiet, come to Kimmswick, Washington and Ste. Genevieve, Missouri. Here in these charming towns, you will experience the laid-back comforts of fine dinings, bed and breakfast inns while stepping back in time browsing antiques shops. Slow down and Have some good old times.

COMFORT FOOD

Do we have to serve turkey at Thanksgiving? That is a question every turkey would like to have an answer to. The last five years, my husband and I began having traditional Thanksgiving dinner complete with a small turkey, vegetable (green beans, corn and potatoes), honey-baked ham and an apple pie for dessert. That is a lot of food for just the two of us.

My husband took care of the cooking and I did all the clean up since I don't know how to cook. I have nothing against cooking or trying to prove that I am a liberated woman or something like that. My mother takes pride in her cooking. She has many special dishes such as Thousand Layer Cake (my brother L provided this term), Cha Gio (Vietnamese Spring Rolls), tender beef cubes with carrots and sweet onions and too many other dishes to list here. Whenever I called and my sister V was visiting, my mother would explain in details the delicious dinner she would be making. I would jokingly ask my mother to stop since I was drooling all over.

About three years ago, a restaurant called Monsoon Vietnamee Bistro opened in my neighborhood. Since then my husband and I have not visited other Vietnamese restaurants that are about 30 minutes drive compared to only 10 minutes from our home to Monsoon. Most of the time I would call Monsoon, placed an order and either my husband or I would pick up the food on the way home from work.

With both of us working and I don't know how to cook a proper meal, I have the phone numbers of most of the restaurants on speed dial on my cell phone. Besides Vietnamese and Chinese, we have a few favorite restaurants that are Mexican, Italian and Greek. I enjoy various ethnic food and am willing to even try food from Somalia, Jamaica, and East Indian (I don't care much for spicy dishes). When it comes to comfort food, it would have to be Vietnamese dishes. Pho Bo Dat Biet (Special Beef Noodle Soup) always fill my stomach and warm my heart on a raining day. When I am homesick for my mother's cooking, Banh Hoi Thit Nuong (Grilled Pork with Vermicelli) and Goi Cuon (Prawn and Pork Rolls) help me get over the lonely feelings. I long for the desserts I used to eat growing up in Viet Nam such as Xoi Nep Than (Black Sticky Rice) and Che Xoi Nuoc (Sweet Dumplings in Ginger Syrup).

I have wonderful memories of my family sharing daily meals. I remember the times when the whole family driving home from the market and we began opening up all the packages, passing the food around in the car - these were happy times in my childhood. I remembered fondly of the street vendors, especially those wanders up and down residential streets and buildings, calling out the goods from their bamboo baskets. I realize that when we eat, we do not just to satisfy hunger. The food we consume represents connections to our family and our traditions. My mother is right, how I wish I lived nearby so I could have comfort food from my mother's kitchen everyday.

THE WANDERLUST

The headline "Drifter's dream sinks with homemade boat" caught my attention. The story was about a 32-year man who left home at 18, worked at odd jobs and drifted around the country. The man grew up in Little Rock, Arkansas, left his home town after high school, took part in animal rights protests in Minneapolis, Minnesota. Two years later, he found his way to Maui, Hawaii.

For most of his adult life, the man taking trips to Europe, Mexico and North Africa by riding freight trains, hitchhiking and depending on the kindness of strangers who offered food, shelter and working at odd jobs.

In July of this year, he decided to built a boat from scrapwood, 55-gallon plastic barrels, a pair of French doors and a couple of outboard motors. The first 700 miles was a pleasant float down the Mississippi River. Somewhere along Illinois, a towboat got too close to the drifter's pontoon and caused it to capsize. The man escaped unharmed but his boat was somewhere in the murky water.

The man's brother who has a stable real job as a food broker, commented that everyone wishes they did not have to work and just travel whenever they wanted to. I too wish I did not have to work. I would like to be able to travel around the world, to have a lot of free time to read books, to do volunteer work and definitely not worry about a paying job.

My youngest brother, L, a talented cartoonist, works as network administrator. I am sure L would love to work at a place where he would be able to combine his drawing talents, passion for learning and knowledge of computer.

My sister, V would love to get paid to travel the world then write or report about the places she visited. In a perfect world, we would all getting paid for doing what we love. In a perfect world, I would be a university professor with tenure, giving lectures at conferences, signing my books to the adoring fans and living in a house with a wrap-around porch overlook the Mississippi River. Every morning, I would sit in an enclosed upper desk, drinking coffee and watching the eagles flying towards the horizon.

In a perfect world, I would live in Alaska in July & August because it is humid and 95 degrees in St. Louis. From September thru the end of November, I would travel around the world. I would come back to visit family during December (I'll be home for Christmas). I would live in Detroit to watch my favorite hockey team, the Detroit Red Wings and all the hockey games on Canadian television. I also make time for my football games, between Notre Dame (college football) and New England Patriots (pro football). Late June, after the Stanley Cup playoffs, I would continue my travel in between baseball games and golf.

This week I received my Social Security Statement provided free-of-charge from Social Security Administration. I don't know how I started receiving the statements yearly. Perhaps I made the request or statements are sent automatically to all taxpayers. Or it could be the government is trying to show that my tax dollars are at work by providing this service. The statement shows the amount I would receive if I work until 62 years old. I would receive more if I work until full retirement age of 67 (a few years ago it was 65). There are also estimate benefits paying to the surviving family members. The good news is that I have earned enough credits to qualify for Medicare when I am 65.

Actually, there are people who live in a perfect world, celebrities and professional sports. All these people doing what they love and getting a lot of money. Since I am not beautiful and have a good agent to compete against Ms. Nicole Kidman. Since I am not tall to even getting a tryout with the Chicago Bulls, not strong and fast to be a receiver for the New England Patriots, not talented to be a right-wing for the Detroit Red Wings, I guess I should count my blessings that I have a decent paying job, a good home and a brand new laptop with wireless connection capability.

WHAT I KNOW FOR SURE

I used to subscribe to O, The Oprah Magazine. It is produced by Ms. Oprah, the famous talk show host of The Oprah Show. The last page in every monthly issue is the column written by Ms. Oprah entitled, "What I Know For Sure". The column supposedly serves as "a bolt of energy or a dose of wisdom" Ms. Oprah wishes to share with the readers.

As we celebrate the Thanksgiving Holiday, I thought it would be appropriate to write about what I know for sure that I am thankful for.

What I know for sure is that I am blessed with loving parents who tried their very best to provide a good life for our family. My parents took good care of us in Viet Nam and protected us on the horried journey and through our struggles the first few years in America. Even when there was not much to give, my parents provided shelter and fed us with little food they could accumulated. I know my late father is watching over us and what we have accomplished are the results of the strong foundation my parents have built for us.

What I know for sure is that the distance never divided my sister, brothers and me from loving and caring for each other. We don't always agree and often don't spend much time sharing feelings. We just know that we will always be ready to offer help when needed. We keep in touch by email and recently reading each other's blog entries. I am proud of my sister and brothers.

What I know for sure is I am grateful for the blessings of living in America. I am grateful for the safe neighborhood and good living environment with affordable housing and decent employment.

What I know for sure is my husband is good person, loving and caring. We do have problems and disagree on many subjects. Over the years, our faith and commitment to keeping our marriage intact have kept us together.

What I know for sure is that I am able to see, walk, think and function in the daily activities. I am grateful for each day and each person in my life. What the future will bring is unknown, and I am willing to work hard to live my life according to my Christian faith, my passion, my commitment to my family, to my husband and to my community. These are the things I know for sure.

Happy Thanksging - May God blessing's upon you and your family.

FIRST THINGS FIRST

I am updating my blog on my laptop while my husband is in his office transfering files from his old computer to the new PC. I am in my office on the main floor of our house and my husband's office is in the basement. The whole evening of approximately 3 hours after dinner and prior to going to bed, we were in different time space. I am sending email to my brother and sister in New York. My husband is sending email to his brothers in Michigan, Colorado and Virginia. Or he could be making purchases on Ebay from someone somewhere in the country.

Have you ever seen two people standing together, talking not to each other but to someone else on the cell phones? What about parents who talked and laughed on the cell phones while their child crying for their attention? These people are not in the moment, they are mentally away from the world around them. Physically they are not on the same planet with the people they are with.

Being present and being with someone physically and mentally is different from being at the same place, in the same room but a world apart. That was what I tried to explain to my husband that for many years even though we were together during Christmas celebration but there were 20 or 30 people around us. We were not with each other celebrating as husband and wife.

The first few years after we got married, my husband and I spent all the holidays with his parents. It was about three hours drive from where we lived. We got married in June, we spent July 4th, Labor Day in September, Thanksgiving in November, Christmas in December and stayed thru the New Year, then Easter in April, then Memorial Day in May, then July 4th - the visiting schedule started all over.

After three years, we began taking camping trips during Memorial weekend, July 4th and Labor Day. Thanksgiving and Christmas still spent with my husband's extended family. Christmas is the important religious holiday and also birthday celebration. Even after we moved to St. Louis, we still made the 8 hours drive in the stormy and snowy weather to Detroit, Michigan.

In 2005, after more than 15 years of our marriage, through the help of marriage counseling, my husband finally understood my request that I wanted to create our own Christmas traditions. For many years, my request was viewed as a conflict and disrespect to his family get-together. I did not know how to create healthy boundaries from the beginning. I should have been strong and clear about creating a family of my own and not the entire in-laws when we celebrate holidays. Family bonds are important but not when your spouse became secondary to your parents and siblings.

Traditional families are close and tight-knit but not at the expense of loving relationships between husband and wife. I believe in providing support to in-laws and to honor parents from both sides. I also believe the lines should be drawn as boundaries and placing your spouse as your priority and not an afterthought to your family. I have learned to speak up when appropriate, to stay strong and firm with requests that I felt threaten to my marriage.

I look forward to the four-day Thanksgiving holiday. I hope to just relax and spend time with my husband. I know we don't need to constantly be together. I just hope we don't spend too much time on cyberspace and neglect the real people in our real world.

THE INVISIBLE WOMAN

It happened again last Friday evening as I was waiting in line at the bank. I stood by the sign, "Please wait here for the next teller" while Linda, the bank teller, finished helping a drive-through customer. I have been going to this bank the last five years and Linda knows me well. Over the years, I noticed Linda always wore different pins with angels on her blouses or jackets. Last week I gave Linda a pin with an angel I found at a local art and craft show. Linda was appreciative.

A customer walked through the door, passed by where I stood and proceed to Linda's window, as if I was just standing around for no purpose. Linda gentle told the customer that I was next. I told Linda, loud enough for the rude customer to hear, "I guess I am invisible." The rude woman stepped away from the window without apologizing.

This is not the first time that someone treated me as if I was invisible. I don't want to play the race card but the only conclusion I could draw from these incidences is because I am a short Asian woman. Somehow that would give others the assumption that I would not speak up or object to their rudeness. After all, Asians are supposed to be nice and not confrontational.

Last March my sister and I was on a Western Caribbean cruise. It was an Italian cruise line. The passengers on the ship were mostly Europeans (Italians), Canadians and Caucasians (Americans). We noticed that the cruise personnel provided better services to the Italians and ignored the rest of us. A few times when my sister and I spoke up and pointed out the low level of service, the crew as well as the passengers acted surprised at our demands. Perhaps they did not expect the two Asian women to be outspoken.

One instance when I tried to take photos of the display of ice sculptures, a tall East Indian man walked over, stood in front of me as if I was not there. I firmly told him that he was very rude and that he should move. He gave me an angry look but decided to move when I made known that I would not be intimidated.

Perhaps not because I am a short Asian woman that people treated me as if I was invisible. It seems that people don't have the common courtesy or just being ignorant when it comes to minding their manners in public. I remind myself not to let others' behaviors bother me. I understand I have to choose which battle to fight and hope that the next asteroids that hit the earth will eliminate only the people without manners. In the meantime, I should sign up for a talent show under the name "The Invisible Woman".

ROCKS & ROLL

The last few weeks, I watched the program called Natural Disasters from Discovery channel featuring major earthquakes and asteroids. I watched the series and became interested in learning more.

I learned that New Madrid is a city in New Madrid County in Missouri. According to Wikipedia, the Free Encyclopedia, the area is famous for being the site of a series of major earthquakes in 1811 and 1812, believe to be the most powerful earthquakes recorded in the contiguous United States.

The following explanation is from the Center for Earthquake Research and Information at the University of Memphis, Tennessee. The New Madrid fault system, or the New Madrid seismic zone, is a series of faults beneath the continental crust in a weak spot known as the Reelfoot Rift. The fault system crosses from Illinois, Missouri, Arkansas, Kentucky through Tennessee.

A magnitude 6.0 on the Richter Scale could happen and the losses of lives, injuries and properties due to the earthquake would destroy the entire area, St. Louis included. The Center mentioned that we can reduce the effects and there are many things can be done to protect ourselves by planning, by building better structures, and make sure all citizens are earthquake prepared. I am not sure how much prepare I could do if the earthquake happened while I was driving at 65 miles an hour on the highway and the road open up beneath me or the highway split in half.

According to Mr. Robert Kraske in his book, Asteroids - Invaders from Space, there are estimate 1,500 to 2,000 asteroids one-half mile in diameter or larger in near-Earth orbits. If Earth and one of these asteroids arrive at the same point in space, the two will collide (no kidding, were they supposed to know to stop and let the other passed?). One close call came on July 4, 1991, an asteroid nearly 1,600 feet wide, passed a mere 1.6 million miles from Earth. As a person with very little of knowledge in science, was I supposed to fear a rock spinning somewhere 1.6 millions miles away could kill me? Should I worry about the prediction by the astronomers that Earth might be in danger in 2126?

There are fancy words such as Stones from Heaven or Loose Cannonballs for the killer asteroids. On February 1, 1994, a 100-yard wide rocky asteroid exploded over the South Pacific. The force of the explosion equal to that of 110,000 tons of high explosives lit up the sky. I like to think that on that day, God sent a special greetings and fireworks to celebrate my birthday!

For now, I will try not to worry about New Madrid fault line or a mountain-size rock crashing into Earth. Until the Big One hits, let's keeping on Rock & Roll.

I WANT TO BE A KID FOREVER

"I want to be a kid forever", my favorite nephew J declared. These are definitely words according to a wise six years old child.

According to the column "Hot Topic" by Lyric Wallwork Winik, in the Sunday Parade Magazine, only 20% of Americans have enough saving to survive three months of unemployment.

The article included the following questions, "What Worries You? Which of the following is your biggest worry?

The risk of unemployment.
Being able to afford a major medical emergency.
Paying off credit card debt.
Having enough for education, a home or major expense.
Saving enough for retirement.
Or finding out at the check-out counter that all your coupons expired."

Well, I made up the last statement. Every Sunday I would dutifully look through the Sunday coupons, cut out those I would be using (especially $1 off) and organize them in envelopes that marked "Household Items", "Food" and Mics. I would remember to sort through these coupons or taking them to the stores three months later. Most of the time, the coupons were expired. I cut these coupons during football games, so at least I don't feel I wasted another marble in the jar of my life. (For details about the marbles , please read my blog entry entitled, "Don't Lose Your Marble" Saturday, September 23, 2006.)

My major worries have always been being able to afford a major medical emergency or my biggest fear is being in an accident that would cause me to lose my sights or unable to function independently. The last time I was admitted into the hospital due to blood clots (Please read my entry entitled "Blood Money" Saturday, October 14, 2006), the total amount was approximately $2,500. The charges were for one overnight stay, three injections at $100 each, three blood tests, two doctor visits at 5-10 minutes each time, three meals, dinner, breakfast and lunch. Luckily the insurance company took care of 80% of the cost.

My husband and I count our blessings that we both have jobs with decent income. We paid off our mortgage a few years ago. We don't have any children, therefore, no worries about savings for college education. Besides, we always thought our childen would be smart enough to obtain scholarships and we would not have to worry about paying college tuitions.

Of course, we don't know what the future will bring. There is always the risk of being out-of-work the next day. No job is secured in this economy. We try to save for rainy days as well as for retirement. Perhaps we should learn to enjoy being a kid, appreciate simple things in life and stop worry about things that might never happen. What could we do if tomorrow the economy collasped and the country was in depression? Could we stop the company from eliminating our jobs? How would we avoid getting into an accident or having serious illness?

The world according to J, Let's be kids forever!

I WANT TO HOLD YOUR HAND

Last month at a business luncheon, someone commented that I have a very firm handshake. I don't care for people whose hand shakes are more like steel grips and crushing squeeze. I don't offer a limp "wet fish" hand either. I have seen women who have delicate and perfectly manicure hands (which I envy) who offer only the tips of their fingers in a very careful manner. I don't know when and how I know to have a firm hand shake.

My mother advised me to be more ladylike by walking like a lady and carry myself with feminine postures. She further added that I needed to talk softly and don't laugh too loud. When I told my husband what my mother said, C disagreed and said he loves me just the way I am, with my manly walk and unladylike laughs.

With the flu season just around the corner, I make sure that I have hand sanitizers when attending church services. After the homily and the Lord's prayers, the congregation extend hands to those around and say, "Peace be with you". If I noticed someone has a cold, I would discreetly clean my hand after our handshakes.

Last year I was on jury duty for a few days. The first morning I reported to the courthouse and was among the potential jurors gathered in a large room. There were approximately two hundred people. Every hour, the court clerk would come in with a list of names. We would be put in groups of 30. Then we moved to another floor and each group would be called into various courtrooms. We would then be asked questions by the attorneys for the defendant and for the plainstiff. Based on our answers or whether our background indicated that we would be a good juror or a bad juror for the case, the attorneys either agreed that we could serve on the trial as one of the twelve jurors, or we could be sent back to the big room and spend a day or two more until we are discharged.

"You walked into the room as if you owned the place," said the person who nominated me to be the foreman. He explained that as soon as I walked into the juror room, I began organizing pens and papers on the table. I walked around introducing myself to others. I found out locations of nearby restaurants since we had only one hour for lunch and must report back promptly. There were many office buildings around the courthouse and that could be a problem with getting a quick lunch.

A Board member mentioned to me that I had a purposeful walk and that I carried myself (all of my 5'3" frame) with confidence. Thanks to an old friend "Ann" who told me to always stand straight and never slouch. She told me to always extend your hand first to show that you are in control. I don't mind handshakes. At many meetings, I have to maintain the professionalism and courtesy to the members. I also have to be firm and make known that no one should cross the line. Working in the male-dominated construction industry I have to learn how to be helpful and courteous yet maintain the level of seriousness and not allow any intimidations.

The title of this entry is a song by the Beatles. I probably should change it to, "I don't want to hold your hand. Just a firm hand shake would do."

BABY YOU CAN DRIVE MY CAR

I drove home at 9:15 last evening from a Board of Directors' meeting. Most of the time I participate in work-related meetings immediately after regular work hours. Thankfully dinners are served at these functions so I was never hungry and don't have to eat a big lunch.

The main road leading to my house after the exit off the highway has been repaved since last week. The yellow lines dividing the lanes have not been painted. I can't see very well at night and the plastic reflecters on the road did not help much. As I tried very hard to stay in the right lane, I thought of a letter from my brother L wrote to me in 1990. In the letter L wrote that out of the blue while waiting for the train, he thought of me and the time when he helped me refreshing my driving before I moved to Michigan.

L wrote that he smiled when he remembered how I zigzagged through the streets of Queens. How he told me to ignore the other drivers speeding passed me. And how he told me not to get nervous from the cars following closely behind me. I sure missed those long letters L wrote to me the first two or three years after I moved from New York. I understand L does not have much free time and he has a lot of responsibilities at work as well as taking care of his family. I am happy that we keep in touch by email and short phone conversations. I treasure the time we spent together, just the two of us, when I visited New York last August. I enjoy reading L's blog entries and thankful that we have this outlet to share our thoughts and daily activities.

I received my driver license in 1987 but living in New York did not require that I owned an automobile. After moving to Michigan in December 1988, in record time, I learned to drive in winter conditions such as white-out, black ice or wind and snow blowing across the highway while I was stucked behind an 18-wheeler. Once I lost control of my car trying to avoid hitting a vehicle that moved too quickly over my lane, I ended up in the median. Luckily I was able to get back on the road with the help of a highway patrol officer.

My driving skills really improved when we moved to St. Louis. The first few months, I explored all major highways and challenged myself to find and avoid interchanges that were considered as "bottle-neck" traffic. My husband often teased me about my shortcuts trying to save five minutes of driving time. I also learned to give directions to other people with instructions such as "travel east after getting off at Dorsett Road exit, then north on Schultz road".

On a philosophical thought, I believe driving is like living. You have to know where you are going, when to merge and when to speed up, when to slow down and which exit to take. While driving, you must not hesitate and back-out once you decide to move to other lane. Of course, you must check your blind spot and make sure the traffic is clear before moving over. I have seen drivers starting to move over and then quickly move back without turning on signals.

Driving is like living because you have to concentrate on your own driving while keeping an eye on traffic around you. That is called driving defensively. But of course, there are people who should not be on the road, i.e. road rage, careless people who talk and eat while driving or stupid people who endanger others because they did not want to slow down at stop signs or speed through intersection even after traffic lights already turned red.

There is one thing I still have not learned is driving a stick shift. My husband tried teaching me but I was not comfortable with the shifting and the two pedals. I am driving a 2002 Mazda and it is perfectly fine for driving to work and home, and running errands. When we went on long distance trips, I helped with the driving and only then I would drive the T-bird on a stretch of highway for hours without too many vehicles around. My husband loves the T-bird and I would not want to drive the car on busy roads.

So baby I don't want to drive your fancy Thunderbird. And I don't care much for convertible because the wind messes up my hair!

IT'S ONLY MONEY

A newspaper article reported that consumers could be in debt from purchases made during the holidays in an average of $1,000 per family. At 19% or 21% periodic finance charges, that would amount to approximately $45 per month if the person remits only the minimum payment required. These minimum payments of $15 or $20 are tempting as a quick and easy solution when the person has other essential bills to take care of.

I am not against the usage of credit cards. I appreciate the convenience the service offers. In September when we had the sewer back-up problem and had to enlist the service of Rescue Rooter, we were able to pay with Discover Card instead of running to the ATM machine to withdraw cash at midnight. My husband puts his Discover Card (DC) to use as often as possible at places that would accept DC. Currently I carry three cards and rotate the cards when making purchases as I try to accumulate enough points for rewards.

A few months ago I was lured into signing up for a MasterCard with Barnes & Noble (B&N) by the promise of a $50 Gift Card after the first qualifying purchase. B&N MasterCard offers one reward point for every dollar purchase and for every 2,500 points, I will automically receive a $25 B&N Gift Card.

Earlier this year, I was sweet-talked by a sales person at Target to sign up for their Visa card. I do my shopping for household items such as detergent, shampoos, toothpaste etc. at a local Target store. That particular month my total at checkout was almost $250. I was offered a 10% off (=$25) the total purchase if I agreed to fill out an application for Target Visa. The incentive for this card is that I will earn one point for every $1 spend at Target and one point for every $2 spend elsewhere. When I accumulate 1,000 points (equal $1,000+ in spending), I will automatically receive a Rewards certificate good for 10% off a full day of shopping at Target.

Over the years, I have different cards during stages of my life. When I was young and foolish, I was willing to pay $150 annual fees to carry the Gold American Express (AE) card. I fooled myself by believing that the AE card was proof of my social status and that I was an important person. My other cards were from Citibank, department stores such as Bloomingdale's, Steinbach, Fashion Bug and a few others that no longer in business.

In 1995, my husband and I attended our first Notre Dame (ND) football game. As we walked around the campus, on impulse, we signed up for a ND Visa card. As a joke, I put down that I was unemployed (I was a graduate student at Saint Louis University) and that I have zero in my bank account. The next month, I received the Visa card. The reason must be that I had good credit records and the company was willing to take the risk.

There are many offers such as $25 Starbuck gift card from Chase Visa, $50 gift cards from Citibank or 25% off from department stores for purchases over $500. Advertisements from this weekend's newspaper showing purchases of furnitures or appliances could be deferred until January 2008 with 0% interests. These are offers that are very hard to refuse! The moral story is it's only money, and money will not buy happiness unless it is someone else's money and you don't have to pay for the purchases!

CRAWLING TIGERS, FLYING CARDINALS

Congratulations to the St. Louis Cardinals on winning the 2006 World Series Championship.

The Flying St. Louis Cardinals defeated the Crawling Detroit Tigers tonight in Game 5 at Busch Stadium. Wednesday night, after waited for almost two hours for Game 4 to start, the people had to go home because the game was cancelled due to heavy rain. These ticket holders must be so happy and forgot the suffering on Wednesday night because they were able to celebrated tonight when the Cardinals won the deciding game.

The St. Louis Cardinals became only the second team that won World Series title in the new stadium. The New York Yankees is the only other team.

I feel sorry for the City of Detroit for the loss of revenue that would have generated if there were Game 6 and Game 7. According to a report in St. Louis Post Dispatch, the City of St. Louis enjoyed an estimate of 35 millions of revenue from the three World Series games played in St. Louis. I am sure more money will be spent from fans who are willing to spend money on merchandise and tickets for next season.

Here is to the St. Louis Cardinals - It is a winner!

CROUCHING TIGER, HIDDEN CARDINALS

I thought the title is a good fitting for my entry of personal connections while the Detroit Tigers and the St. Louis Cardinals batting to win the 2006 World Series. I change the title from the movie Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon to Couching Detroit Tigers, Hidden St. Louis Cardinals.

The movie Couching Tiger, Hidden Dragon was one of the top movies in 2000. The plot was about two warriors in pursuit of a stolen sword and a notorious fugitive are lead to an impetuous, physically-skilled, teenage nobleman's daugher, whose love story created the dramatic soul of a Greek tragedy and the sweep of an epic romance. The movie captured the audience's attention with requisite fight scenes on the rooftops, atop the branches of bamboo trees and a blend of action, romance, and the conflicts between individual spirits and social obligations.

So here are a few interestings between the two cities, Detroit (DET) v. St. Louis (STL), based on my personal connections.

DET - My husband was born in Detroit. He graduated from Lawrence Technology University with a degree in Mechanical Engineering.
STL - We purchased our first home together. My husband bought the house in Michigan before we got married.

DET - In February 2006, we went to our First Superbowl in Detroit. The Pittsburgh Steelers defeated the Seatle Seahawks to capture the NFL Championship.
STL - On Tuesday, October 24th, we attended our First World Series game, also the first WS game in the new Busch Stadium.

DET - The City's nickname is Motor City with automobile headquarters Ford, General Motors, Chrysler and Volkswagen of America.
STL - The City's nickname is Gateway City with the famous Arch.

DET - The City is also known for one of the most popular musical style called "Motown" with well-known artists such as Stevie Wonder, Diana Ross and Smokey Robinson.
STL - Tina Turner grew up in St. Louis (born in Tennessee) and famous for the song "What's love got to do with it?".

DET - The Detroit Red Wings plays at Joe Louis Arena, named after the boxing hero who grew up in the city. The Red Wings won 10 Stanley Cups.
STL - The St. Louis Blues never won a Stanley Cup.

DET - The City has the Fox Theatre.
STL - The City has the Fox Theatre.

DET - Whenever we go to Detroit, we enjoy visiting Hamtramck, the best well-known Polish community.
STL - Every September, we enjoyed going to the Polish Festival sponsored by the Polish Falcon-St. Louis Chapter.

DET - My husband and I got married at St. Hedwig Catholic Church, downtown Detroit.
STL - We probablly will spend our retirement years in St. Louis.

Finally, a little of history of the Cities -

DET - Founded in 1701 by Antoine de la Mothe Cadillac who began a fur-trading center where downtown Detroit is today.

STL - Founded in 1764 by Pierre Laclede (there is a place in St. Louis called Laclede Landing by the riverfront) and Auguste Chouteau. St. Louis also became a fur trading hub.

Here is to the better team - either the Crouching Detroit Tigers or the Hidden St. Louis Cardinals. And here is to the boys of summer! I am ready for hockey - let's welcome the boys of winter!

SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT

There are two newspaper articles I thought would be interesting to write about.

A commentary written by an independent journalist named Mvemba Phezo Dizolele. The story was about the Mushangi area in eastern Congo's mountains, far from Kinshasa, the capital of Congo (Africa). The hills of Mushangi are abundant with strategic minerals such as coltan, cassiterite and wolframite that are essentials to cellphones and other electronics. For the last 10 years, Mushangi has been at the crossroads of a conflict that claimed more than 4 million lives. The flow of small arms has emboldened militias to challenge the central government authority. The illegal exploitation and trade of natural resources generates large sums of revenue. At the core of the conflict is the militias struggle for control of natural resources and mineral wealth.

Congo holds 80 percent of the world's reserves of Coltan. Refined coltan yields tantalum, which is used for the production of mobile phones, laptop computers and video games. The writer called for actions from United States and Western countries to send a message to corrupt Congolese government officials that the resources should be used to help the people of Mushangi so they could live in peace.

After reading the commentary, I ask myself should I stop using my cell phones or my laptop? Am I indirectly adding to the conflict by my purchasing of these products? Should I write letters to the leaders (U.S. President and United Nations) asking them to take action or should I make monetary contribution to organizations that are helping the people of Congo?

Another article was about an auction of watercolors and stretches, mostly landscapes depicting cottages, churches and pastoral hillsides. The auction took place in Lostwithiel, England drew special attention and protests because the artist was Adolf Hitler, the dictator of Germany who ordered six million European Jews murdered. The unknown artist was the same tyrant who plunged the world into a war that took over 40 million lives.

Adolt Hitler was thought to have done hundreds of paintings as a struggling artist during breaks from the front while stationed in Flanders, Belgium during World War I. According to the book entitled, "The Most Evil Dictators in History" by Shelley Klein, Adolf Hitler applied for a place at both the Vienna Academy or Art and the Vienna Academy of Architecture, but to his life-long fury, both Academies rejected him.

Adolf Hitler became the dictator and the master of mass emotion, able to manipulate eighty millions people to the point of hysteria simply by the power of the spoken word. Like a skillful magician, Hitler used technical devices such as the radio and the loud-speaker at mass rallies to cast a spell over the audience and deprived them of independent thought.

I would like to know whether the professors at Vienna Academy of Art and of Architecture who rejected Adolf Hitler's applications ever felt responsible for creating the evil dictator. If Hitler was accepted, he could have been a famous artist. He would have been a professor of art, encouraging his students to be patient in learning the art of paintings and not the dictator who hypnotizing thousands upon thousands of young people to become soldiers all dressed in identical uniforms, all marching in unison to the same beat and all become poisoned in their heart with hatred and crimes against humanity.

If Adolf Hitler was never rejected by the Academy of Art, would another person take his place and become the dictator with different name? How would we know if our minor decision would cause major changes in others' lives? We don't have the power to know what the future will hold when we make our choices today.

I often think of how my late father working so hard driving the taxicab in New York City. He always had a positive outlook and unwavering spirit. He told me that he tried to be nice to his passengers with his friendly smiles and being courteous. And that in turn would help the passenger to be positive when he arrived at his office or in good spirit when he came home to his family.

There are so many conflicts and causes in the world that I wonder if we ever truly live in peace. I don't know whether it is good to gain knowledge and not able to make any changes or not willing to take the risk and fight for justice. I admire people who stand up for their belief. Each of us in our own limited ability is making a contribution. How we take care of our family and how well we do our job will determine how society as a whole will maintain its stability. This is something to think about.

WHAT'S IN THE NAME?

People often asked me what my original name was and why I adapted an American first name. I was also asked how I could tell the person's ethnicity from their family name.

Let me start with a few Vietnamese family names. For example, Nguyen and Tran are like Jones and Smith in America.

Vietnamese, unlike the Chinese characters, is a monosyllabic tonal language with three distinct dialects based on distinct regional differences, Northern, Central and Southern. Again, unlike Chinese, Vietnamese people from all three regions use the same spoken language with minor differences in vocabulary. Under the French colonization in the third century, Viet Nam adopted a modified Roman alphabet and added diacritical marks with vowels to mark the appropriate tones. The French dominated Viet Nam for more than sixty years which explained the strong presence of French language and in Vietnamese cuisine.

A Vietnamese family name such as Ly often is mispronounced by Americans as Lai. Someone told me that people in Quebec knew to say Lee because y is pronounced as ee in Vietnamese as in French.

So, here are few examples of family names to help non-Asian person to know where an Asian came from -

Ly - Viet Nam

Lee - Hong Kong or Korea

Li - China

Tran or Truong - Vietnamese

Chang or Chen - Chinese

Park or Kim - Koreans

Re or Pak - Cambodians

Singh, Patel, Mythily Kamath, Pattabhi Maddipati, Asha Premachandra, Sujata Vinjamuri - East Indians

Filipinos have family names that are similar to Hispanic. For example, Eduardo Gonzales, Alberto Viloria and Esther Figueroa.

Japanese names are identified easily because of the trade relations between the two countries. Fujiwara, Hoshino or Shibusawa are a few Japanese family names.

A person with a name such as Boonchanh Soukpraseuth is from the country of Lao.

Someone from Thailand would have name such as Kongsak Tanphaichitr or Sombat Meungtaweeponysa.

By now, you probablly wonder whether I have made up all these names, especially the lengthy family names. I found these names from the Directory of Ethnic and International Resources published by International Institute of St. Louis.

As an Asian person, 95% of the time I could tell the ethnicity of the person from their facial features. Of course, the family names are secondary information to identify the country where the person came from. I hope the above information is helpful to you. Stay tune for the next discussion of the meanings of the first name and the person's social status based on their family name.

TAKE ME OUT TO THE BALLGAME

Someone told me that watching a baseball game is like watching grass grow! As mentioned in my profile, my favorite sports are hockey (NHL) and football (NFL). Since almost everyone in St. Louis loves baseball and the town is known as "Cardinal Nation", I thought I should learn a few things to understand the game of baseball. I know to cheer when a player hits a home run or when a player successfully steals the base. The knowledge comes in handy at business meetings when I could talk about last night's game just like one of the boys!

Right now the talk of the town is the battle between the St. Louis Cardinals v. the New York Mets to win the National League Championship Series. The team that won this Series will square off against the Detroit Tigers for the World Series. Exactly 22 years ago, October 14, 1984, the Tigers made their first appearance in the World Series. The last time the Cardinals won the World Series was in 1982 and the New York Mets won the title in 1986.

I thought it would be fun to compare the two Cities based on my personal information. So here are a few interesting things about my connections between St. Louis, Missouri (STL) and Queens, New York (QNY) -

STL - I have lived here almost 12 years (since 1994)
QNY - I lived in Elmhurst about 5 years (1981-1986)

STL - I took a photo standing next to Mayor Francis Slay, Mayor of City of St. Louis.
QNY - My sister, V, has a picture of her and Mayor Michael Bloomberg, Mayor of New York City.

STL - I could visit Anheuser-Busch world headquarters every weekend and get free taste of beer.
QNY - I could always get a seat on the #7 train from Flushing station or Grand Central Station.

STL - Public transportation called MetroLink carries 15.7 million passengers in 2005.
QNY - A total of 1,449,000,000 people ride the Subway each year.

STL - I walked across the Eads Bridge last month. The Bridge was built in 1874 and spanning the Mississippi River.
QNY - I walked across the Brooklyn Bridge in 1988. The Bridge was built in 1883 and spans across the East River.

STL - The Gateway Arch stands at 630 feet. A tram took me all the way to the top of the Arch. My most recent trip to the top of the arch was last year when my Mom, my brother L, his wife and my favorite nephew J came to visit.
QNY - The Lady Liberty stands at 305 feet. The last time I walked up to the crown was in 1988.

STL - I graduated from Saint Louis University in 1999. I was awarded scholarship and did not have any outstanding loans when I graduated.
QNY - I earned my Bachelor's degree from Hunter College and an Associate's degree from LaGuardia Community College while working full time. I paid for all the tuitions and did not have any student loans when I finally graduated in 1988.

STL - I am a homeowner. It is a modest ranch style house. We paid off the mortgage a few years ago.
QNY - I rented a small room in a house in Woodhaven for $300 a month. I had to share a bathroom with two other renters.

Looking at the above comparison, I have come to the conclusion that I should cheer for the St. Louis Cardinals based on the fact that I have lived in St. Louis longer than the time I spent in Queens. However, I will need to re-evaluate my support once we know which team will square off against the Detroit Tigers.

One thing for sure, no matter how long I live in St. Louis, my favorite hockey team will always be the Detroit Red Wings. For now, take me out to the ballgame so I could yell "Go Cards"!

DEAL OR NO DEAL

I enjoy watching the game show called Deal or No Deal. The show consists of one contestant each round, Mr. Howie Mandel is the host and 26 lovely young ladies carry 26 sealed briefcases. The young ladies are in beautiful dresses that are always very flattering to every right measurements of their bodies. The styles of some of the dresses are very suggestive such as plunging neckline and about 10 inches above the knees. A few look more like nightwear than to be seen on national broadcasting. The briefcases contain amounts from 1 penny to 1 million dollars. No one knows what amounts are in the briefcases.

At the beginning of the show, the contestant picks one briefcase he/she believes containing one million dollars. In comparison to real life, it is like marriage. Most of us choose someone to marry because we love the person and believe that he/she is the right partner who we would spend our entire life together in rich and in poor, through good and bad times, until death do us part.

Next, the contestant begins to randomly select six briefcases. As each briefcase is opened, the contestant and their support group of 3 people who are family members or close friends, and the audience (I am included) either celebrate if the amount is small (on the left side of the column) or become discouraged if the amount is in the six-figures (the amounts on the right side of the column are $100,000 or higher).

One contestant was so unlucky that the first briefcase he picked contained the 1 million dollars. After all six briefcases are open, the unseen banker would offer an amount to the contestant. At this early stage, the contestant usually turned down the offer by answering "No Deal" or just slam the cover over the red blinking button because the amount is very low.

In real life it would be like dating. You never know the person would like you enough to go on a second date or you can't stand the person that you could not wait for the date to end. Or the job offer that you turned down because after you were introduced to the manager, you know you could not work with him/her.

Next the contestant will open 5 more cases. If the large amounts are in place, then the offer will go up. Mr. Mandel will ask the contestant "Deal or No Deal". If the answer is "No Deal" then, the contestant will open 3 more cases. A higher offer is made if the 3 opened cases contain small amounts.

In real life, this is when we made major decisions such as accepting job transfer that require moving to another state or to go back to school. The last three years, I have been a regular customer of Stoner Dry Cleaner. I always try to have singles and exact change when I pick up my clothes. Last week I was informed that the owner sold the business and would be going back to school to obtain his degree in electrical engineering. I was assured that the services will be the same high level. I told Mr. Stoner that I admire his will for higher education and wish him luck in his future.

The show usually ends with the contestant either accept the offer when he/she, at the encouragement of the family and the audience, feels that the amount is high enough. Some people will leave with a few hundred dollars while others willing to take a risk and could be lucky to walk away with half a million dollars. I have not seen anyone won a million dollars yet.

Like the people in the audience, I become involved and got very nervous when the contestant picked a briefcase that contained large amount. The contestants are very emotional, crying, dancing, jumping, running around the stage, rushing to hug their family members or hugging the host, "Howie".

The show in some ways is the way our lives unfolding in the daily tasks and in the decisions we make. The briefcases represent the awards we receive or the unexpected problems in the choices we selected. When we accept or reject an offer, whether a date, a job or friendship, we say "Deal or No Deal" without knowing what will happen next.

We base our decisions on our experiences or the knowledge what could be. Sometimes we have regrets and wish we could turn back the clock or given another chance. In the end, we each select one briefcase, until we open all the other briefcases, we will not know what we have. If my family did not take the risk to escape Viet Nam by boat, we would not be living in America. We have to learn to make our own decisions to say Deal or No Deal.

BLOOD MONEY

Disclaimer: The following story is about my personal ordeal. The information is not intended to be used as suggestions or recommendations of investment or any legal interpretations. Please consult your financial advisors or accounting professionals before making decisions to invest.

I broke my left foot on Sunday, December 22, 2003. I forgot the fancy name of the bone that was broken. I do remember how it happened. I was walking out of the bookstore near my home. Somehow my shoe got caught in an opening of a broken moulding that was supposed to hold the carpet to the floor. As my body moved forward, my left foot was held back and I could hear the popping sound of the bone being broken. I could not walk and had to hop to my car with my healthy right foot.

I had to use crutches for a week before I was able to walk using an orthopedic walker. January 16, 2004, during my visit with the orthopedist to check how the bone was healing, I was told because of the restriction on the movement of my leg, I had developed deep-vein thrombosis (DVT), DVT is a fancy medical term for blood clots in deep veins.

I was kept at St. John Hospital overnight for observations and was given injections into the lower abdominal every six hours. The doctor explained to me that the blood clots could break off and travel through the body to block artery in my lung and that could be fatal.

The following weeks, I had to go to a lab for blood test first every other day, then once a week and then once a month. I was on Coumadin (medication for blood thinner) for six months. The blood tests were reported to my physician to adjust the level of Coumadin. If the dosage was too high, I could be bleeding internally or bleed to death from a minor injury.

After the first few blood tests, I noticed that the waiting room was always full. I began reading about the company and found out that there would be more labs open not only in St. Louis but nationwide. The company planned to begin distribution of the new diabetes kits for home usage. The kits were approved by FDA early that year. I purchased 50 shares at $61 per share. A year later, the shares went up to $92. Six months later, the company announced a stock split that resulted in the doubling of my investment to 100 shares. The stocks have been steady at $60 or more per share.

Looking back I realized I could have been dead if the blood clots were not discovered in time. The enduring of not able to walk normally for six months was not very pleasant. The only thing good came out of my broken left foot was strong returns on my investment. And that was my blood money.

MONEY DOWN THE DRAIN

Last month we had our first unpleasant experience with sewer back up that resulted in minor overflow in our basement.

It was around 8:30 p.m. on a Tuesday evening and we just finished our dinner. I did not have a business or community function to attend that evening and was looking forward to getting a few things done at home. I was in the kitchen when I heard a loud crashing noise coming from the basement followed by my husband's cursing. I rushed down the stairs to find my husband trying to get up from the floor that was flooded with sewer backup. C told me he was alright. I asked him to move his arms and legs to make sure he did not break any bones. Together we picked up the items that C knocked off the shelves trying to break his fall when he stepped on the wet area rug near the opening of the pipe.

C tried to fix the problem with a few tools he had. An hour later, we decided that we needed professional help. We looked up in the Yellow Pages and called Rooter Rescue because the advertisement stated that "60 Minute Service". Later we learned that "60 Minute Service" could be interpreted as the company would let you know within 60 minutes from the initial phone call whether an emergency specialist could be available or not. Then it would be another 60 minutes before a Rooter Rescue truck showed up in your driveway.

The Rooter Rescue technician named "Aaron" finally came to our house at 10:30 p.m. My husband took the RR person down the basement where the overflow took place. He quickly provided an estimate and explained that the flat rate is $250 and it would take about 1 hour to fix the problem. The labor rate for additional hour would be $40 plus other cost if more equipments were needed. We did not have any other options but to ask the RR person to begin his work. The RR person went to his truck, unloaded his heavy duty water-propelled "cobra" saw and carefully carried it down the stairs. He also showed my husband through his motorized video camera that tree roots had poked through a weak spot and created a partial blockage in our sewer pipes. For the next 45 minutes, from the living room upstair, I could hear the "cobra" at work cutting away the intruding roots.

The total cost turned out to be about $400 and Rescue Rooter accepted credit cards. We put it on our Discover Card so at least we would get some cash back! Finally at 2:00 a.m., the work was completed. We spent the next hour cleaning up the basement because the smell was unbearable. We took showers after that and went to bed at 3:30 a.m. The next day we both went to work.

A week later, we saw the headline in the local news, "Thirsty roots wriggling into sewer lines cause big mess". What a coincidence! We thought it only happened to us. According to the newspaper article, basement backups caused by blocked mains have grown to 775 in 2005 compared to 310 in the previous year. The report further explained that dry conditions in St. Louis had caused the roots to go deep into the ground looking for damp soil. Once the roots found voids or cracks in the sewer pipes, then it was "nutrient sink" for the roots to do the natural thing - grow!

For now Rescue Rooter guaranteed the service will last for six months. From this experience, we learned that the City offers an assistance program called "Sewer Lateral Repair Program". The funding came from an establishment of a $28 annual fee collected with the State Real Estate property tax. Because of the large number of sewer lateral repairs done in the first few years, the fund was exhauted. Since 2002, a cap of $3,000 per home was instituted. I inquired with others at my workplace and learned that the total cost to replace our clay pipes with PVC plastic pipes could be up to 10K or even 15K. $3,000 would not be enough to cover the excavation and repair, replace of the failed section of sewer lateral which could include patching of the driveways, sidewalks, curbs and hauling away pavement materials that were removed to make way for the repair.

This sewer problem sure smells bad and another ways that our hard-earned money gone down the drain.

THE FOOLS

There were two incidents happened this past weekend that Mr. T could have featured in his new reality television show for TV Land, I Pity the Fool, scheduled to premiere Wednesday, October 11, 2006.

Mr. T is an actor who is well-known for his roles as Sgt. Bosco "B.A." Baracus in the 1980s television series The A-Team and as a boxer playing opposite of Rocky in the 1982 film. His trademark is the distinctive Mohawk hairstyle he adopted because the style is of an African Mandinka warrior.

This past weekend, my workplace conducted a weekend retreat with the Board of Directors at a conference center at Lake of the Ozarks. We requested a full breakfast buffet since the meetings started at 7:00 a.m. We asked the banquet staff to remove the food at 9:00 a.m. but leave the coffee and refreshment until the meetings were over at 11:30 a.m. On Friday morning, the staff promptly removed the breakfast at 9:00 a.m. As instructed, the coffee pots remained in the room but there were no coffee mugs. It took about 15 minutes before the hotel staff brought back the cups as well as the creamer and sugar for the coffee.

The next day, the breakfast buffet was ready at 7:00 a.m. but there were no plates, utensils nor napkins. Again, we had to notify the hotel staff and it took another 15 minutes before plates, utensils were provided. When I registered my disappointment with the Conference Manager, she apologized for the mixed-up claiming that the person who was assigned to take care of our group did not come to work on Friday and was late on Saturday. I was not satisfied with her reason. Whoever was responsible for the setting should know that the guests needed plates and utensils to eat their breakfast and cups to drink coffee. How else would the guests drink the coffee or eat scramble eggs?

The second incident was at a shopping outlet. Believe it or not, I don't care much for shopping. I don't spend a lot of my vacation time at a mall. My husband and I had an hour to spend together before his (golf) scheduled tee time. After breakfast, we stopped by a shopping outlet. C went into a tool shop and I just started walking around. A woman in a wheelchair struggled to open the door of an American Eagle outlet. These doors were not automatic and definitely not handicapped accessible. Two young people, male and female, stood nearby chatting and laughing. I rushed over and opened the door for the woman. How could the young people not seeing the woman in the wheelchair needed help?

Common courtesies are the foundation of a civilized society. What happened to good manners? Don't people use to words Please, Thank You, and Excuse Me, anymore? Are we all turning into Fools?

IN THE NEWS THIS WEEK

What can a person buy with $125 million? How about a property with pricey marble and 24-karat gold fixtures decorate bathrooms? The famous seller is Mr. Donald Trump. There is no need to give description of who Mr. Trump is. Someone told me that Mr. Trump does not have or carry his business cards. His reason is that if the person does not already know who Mr. Trump is, then that person is not important.

If you think $125 million is too much, then there are other properties for less. An estate in Bridgehampton, New York is only $75 million and a house in Lake Tahoe, Nevada listed at a flat $100 million. Until I win the lottery, I will be happy with my humble ranch home in St. Louis. I definitely will avoid watching the show, "Lifestyles of the Riches and the Famous".


Back to reality, St. Louis Lambert Airport is planning to provide a wireless fidelity network or Wi-Fi to its passengers. Wi-Fi networks are short range radio waves to connect laptop computers and other wireless devices to the Internet. Lambert Airport is a late comer to wireless Internet compared to West Coast airports which began the trend in 2000. Personally I am excited about the news even though I don't travel much and I don't plan to bring my laptop when flying. Last weekend I brought along my recently purchased laptop to a work-related weekend at Lake of the Ozarks. I enjoyed using the hotel complimentary Internet connection. What a luxury to be able to pull up documents and find out the latest news! I could also envision the passengers while waiting for their flights, scrolling through messages on the Blackberry, checking bank statements, watching movies, shopping on-line, downloading music, and family members sitting next to each other talking on separate cell phones as if they were strangers. This is a very sad reality.

Enough about being poor and this sad hi-tech world, let's celebrate a special holiday, The Moon Festival. The day of the Festival often falls in September, though this year it comes on Friday, October 6th. The Moon Festival - also known as the Mid-Autumn Festival - is a favorite holiday in China and Viet Nam as well as many other Asian countries. The festival is celebrated on the 15th day of eighth month of the lunar calendar. On this night, families gather together to enjoy the moon's beauty and to find fulfillment in the closeness of being with other family members. I remembered as a child in Viet Nam, I was given pretty lanterns that were made of shining paper. The lanterns were made with bamboo frame, designed in the shapes of dragons, rabbits or flowers, covered with decorated bright paper and a lit candle inside.

I missed seeing the beautiful gift boxes contained the round moon cakes. My favorite fillings are sweet bean and tasty egg paste. I always ate the center egg first and then try putting the half eaten slice back into the tin for someone else. Other fillings including sweet combination of fruits and nuts, date paste and lotus paste. I also loved the story about the beautiful moon lady who could only see her lover once a year during the festival.

In the corner of my life in St. Louis, Missouri, these are some of the stories in the news this week.

ROOTS

It was a pleasant surprise when I found out about my Chinese roots in the book entitled, "China: Its Most Scenic Place - A Photographic Journey through 50 of Its Most Unspoiled Villages and Towns."

My husband and I would like to visit China and Viet Nam. Our plans was delayed a few years ago when the SARS epidemic took place. Last year we again delayed the trip because of the Bird Flu. We both would like to see the Great Wall and my husband would like to visit Viet Nam to see the village where I was born.

The book mentioned that more than 1,000 years ago, near the end of the Tang Dynasty, a group of Hakka people, also known as the Jews of China, built an earth towers, a ring-shapped, self-contained housing complex, resembling a circular fortress. The towers were so well-built that they protected the Hakka people from Japanese pirates while other provinces became much easier targets.

I learned from my brother L that my ancestors, the Hakka people, are nomads from Kwangtung. Nomads are members of a wandering tribe. This is so fitting that my ancestors left China in the early 1920's. After the communist took over South Viet Nam, my family were among the boat people in late 1970's risking our lives in the open seas in search for freedom and liberty.

It is also a perfect fitting that the nickname for my sister V is wandering feet. It explains why I am well-adjusted when moving from New York to Michigan to St. Louis without much trouble adepting to the new environment. It is in our roots that we found evidence that we are the people of wander. Our strength and our determination sustain us through our early years struggling to survive in America.

I only have one regret that my late father did not have an opportunity to visit China. Even though he was born and grew up in Viet Nam, he always considered himself as Chinese. He tried teaching us Hakka at home and made every efforts to send us to Chinese schools so that we learned to read, write and speak Chinese. I remembered the notebooks my father deligently wrote sentences with pronunciation of Hakka and their meanings in Vietnamese. The notebooks become the unofficial textbooks passing from me to my younger sister and then to my youngers brothers.

I still remember the words my father spoke to us, "Don't forget your roots." I hope to learn more about my Hakka ancestry and to visit China in the near future.

ALL IN A DAY'S WORK

"You must have a lot of free time", an acquaitance said to me during a luncheon meeting. She made the comment after I shared with her how I made the efforts to learn about the community when I first move to St. Louis. I explained that I picked up all the free community newspapers even the Seniors News. I believe that it is the best way to learn about issues that are not covered by mainstream media yet important to residents living in the community. I also mentioned that when I see an article or a business person receiving an award, I would send a note to the person as a way to begin or maintain the relationships.

No, I don't have a lot of free time. I just know how to effectively organize my time and set priority. I take care of things that are important and need to be done right away. I learn not to try to do all ten things if I only have fifteen minutes. I also learn to let the house get meshy for a few days. I set aside time to hand write notes and send by traditional mail (regular postal service). I still send my husband "love notes" to his office after 17 years of marriage.

I don't talk much about my work and community involvement to my mother and siblings. Because my husband and I do not have children and I make it known that I don't care for cooking, people always assume that I have a lot of free time. "Are you busy?", someone asked me last week when she called to ask a question related to residential construction. Sometimes I would give an answer such as, "I get paid for doing nothing at work." or "I am waiting for my nails to dry."

My work involved managing the office and membership activities for the Association. Phone calls to the executive director would get routed to me when he is not available. Setting committee meetings, Board meetings, and weekly account payables occupy my daily calendars. Organize golf tournaments ranging from 100 to 270 golfers and an anniversary party on the Eads Bridge for 400 guests are just a few projects that are part of my workload. At the Eads Bridge celebration, the Mayor of City of St. Louis presented the proclamation and there were many state representatives and senators attending.

This week I am working on putting together a bi-monthly newsletter, finalizing the details for a weekend retreat for the current and past Board members and their spouses. The retreat involves a Friday night dinner for 45 people and a Saturday night dinner for 30. Friday and Saturday mornings, with breakfast buffets, will be discussions about the future of the Association. The afternoons will be golf since it is part of networking and team building. The retreat will be at Lake of the Ozarks and I hope to relax and enjoy the fall scenery.

Upcoming events will be the annual Christmas Party and 40th Anniversary Gala for an estimate of 300 guests. In between these major projects are planning education seminars for the members and follow up correspondence.

In addition to regular office hours, I also attend Board and membership meetings that usually end around 9:00 p.m. There are weeks when my evenings are committed to Board of Aldermen meeting on Monday, membership meeting on Wednesday, training for Stephen Ministry with my parish on Thursday and weekends are reserved for football (college games on Saturday and NFL on Sunday). During commercials, I do housework, clean up my home office and catching up on reading the newspapers.

Whether attending meetings or being in the office, I consider the activities are part of a day's work. The most important thing is that there is a purpose and that I find fullfilment in how I spend my time.