TRAINING GROUND

"Mr. Z passed away this morning", the nurse at the front desk informed me when I explained the purpose of my visit. It was my second assignment after I completed the training to be a hospice volunteer. My first assignment was Mrs. Y who was in her late 70s. A stroke caused permanent damage and paralyzed her lower body. I visited Mrs. Y for about six weeks until her daughter moved her to another facility that was out of my area.

For a moment after I was told that Mr. Z died, I did not know what to do next because I forgot the instructions during the training. As hospice volunteers, we understood that the people we served would not have long to live. We also must not become attach to the patients. Yet, I was not prepared to accept death as part of my volunteer work.

I remembered an incident the second week I visited Mrs. Y. One woman cried out monotonously, "Help me, help me" as I passed by. She was among the residents forming a ring of wheelchairs circled around a lunch table. Their claw-like hands, bony shoulders and expressionless faces were evidences of stroke-damaged brains. Their stares were stony while their cancer-riddled bodies made them looked like rag dolls. The nurses were on the phone chatting away with their friends while casually keeping an eye on the residents who looked like they were sleeping, holding washclothes to their faces to catch the saliva from their stroke-slackened mouths.

Later the same woman again yelled out for me, "Hey Chinese, take me home with you." I understood and was not angry at her when she continued yelling, "Hey dummy, answer me." The nurse finally came to take the woman back to her room. Although I had no personal connection, I was sadden to witness the confined conditions that Parkinson's disease, osteoporosis, severe diabetes, or simply aging illnesses assaults on the bodies of the residents. I was told that two-thirds of nursing home residents do not have regular visitors. Holidays were no different from any other days as in this place, time does not mean much to the residents whose world is simply spent in their sickbeds or in silence circling the nurses' station.

I have also been part of a ministry called Angel Corp at my church. We visit people who are in the hospitals, homebounds or suffer from long illnesses. Since last year, my husband joined me in this ministry. Once a month, we are scheduled to make our visits. Last month, we visited an elderly man who was in his 80's and had lung cancer. He died a week later after we visited him in the hospital.

More than 5 years since my father passed away, I still experience grief. I still think of what I should have said to my Dad before he passed away. I still feel the pains each year when Father's Day comes around. I still long to share stories with my Dad. I still wish I could have provided my Dad a trip to China and many other places in the world.

The last three months I have been in training every Thursday evening to be a Stephen Minister. Stephen Ministry is a not-for-profit Christian training and educational organization based in St. Louis, Missouri. Dr. Kenneth C. Haugk is the founder and executive director of Stephen Ministries. Laypersons are trained by churches to provide the caring for its congregations. The training consists of 50 hours including instructions on how to care for people who are going through a period of crisis such as grief, chronic illnesses, unemployment, personal and families problems, and other life difficulties.

It is my hope that I would be able to provide the caring and support to others because I have experienced grief of losing a loved one. I have seen so much sufferings, both physically and mentally, at the nursing homes and skilled care centers. Despite all the training, I will be shocked when being told someone had passed away because it is human nature not to accept death. The pains has lessen but the wound is always there as the memories of my Dad will forever live in my heart.