EIGHT DAYS A WEEK

(I started this entry on Wednesday, Feb. 21st wishing that there were eight days in a week. My calendar was filled with evening activities and I was under the weather for a few days. Of course, there was no 8th day, thus more than 2 weeks later, I finally managed to find time to complete the entry.)

My adoring fans know that the Beatles is one of my favorite music groups because I have used the titles of their songs as titles for many of my blog entries. The entries were posted in the following order -
November 2, 2006 - Baby You Can Drive My Car;
November 3rd - I Want to Hold Your Hand;
December 9th - The Long and Winding Road;
December 11th - Here, There and Everywhere;
and on December 27th - I'll Follow the Sun.
The titles were good match for what I wanted to write about, not exactly what the songs were about.

My husband have said that I got involved in too many community activities and self-imposed too many projects. I do agree that I need to cut back and commit to only a few tasks. I also admit that part of me enjoy looking at my weekly calendar and see that I do not have any meetings or functions to attend after work.

Last year I was selected to serve on the Comprehensive Planning for the City. There were monthly meetings and documents to review and prepare for discussions prior to the meeting. The Committee focused on goals and objectives to critical issues in the City's future on topics such as economic and business stability, annexations, future land use, quality of life and future development. In December, the Committee submitted recommendations to the City for approval and implementation.

The second half of last year, I also committed to weekly training with Stephen Ministry. I realized I had spread myself too thin when each evening my calendar was filled with work-related meetings and community involvement. I questioned whether I was really committed or just trying to fill an empty void of wanting to be helpful. I know I do have the flexibility of not going to meetings or making up some excuses to resign from the assigned tasks. Whereas if I was to have children, there would be no flexibility when it comes to taking care of a child or telling the child that you were too tired to fulfill your duty as a parent. I have so much respect for my brother VL for doing a great job being a good father to his 6-year old son.

Since there was not an extra (8th) day in a week, I must seriously look at what I hope to accomplish and how I want to live my life. This weekend, I decided to pamper myself by going to the library, taking my time, leasurely wandering from one section to another and enjoying quiet time, not rushing, trying to finish all the errands.

I will report back in a few months whether I have slow down or accepting new volunteer assignments because I was bored with nothing to do with my time!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO RJS

According to Talane Miedaner, author of the book, "Coach Yourself to Success - 101 tips from a Personal Coach for Reaching Your Goals at Work and in Life", great personal and career coaches are those who spend time developing, supporting, training and caring about people. A great coach will accept only your best and will advise you, guide you and encourage you to reach your full potential. A great coach is someone who will motivate you to recognize your own greatness and challenge you to go forward when you become idle or felt discouraged.

RJS was that great coach and I was blessed to work for his company for five years (1989-1994). It was my first full-time job after moving from New York to Michigan. I still have the employment ad listing "Executive Secretary". I must admit that I was not too thrilled about the position of secretary. My dream after graduating from Hunter College was to work at United Nations and became a diplomat working for world peace. The full-time jobs I held while attending college were office work, not secretarial experience for an executive. I decided to send my resume to the company, thinking I probably would not get the job or would not last more than a few months. I worked for RJS a total of 5 years and 3 months.

In a recent email, RJS recalled that he "personally remember our first employment interview and was so impressed with your determination and education accomplishments. You exhibited extreme confidence in yourself during our second interview." Always the wonderful cheerleader, RJS further added, "I made one of the best decision's in my life by hiring you." The time I worked for RJS' company was one of the best years of my life and knowing RJS and his family was a blessing.

At the end of our first interview, I knew that I wanted to work for RJS because I believed that he would value my skills and ability beyond what the immediate position required. I don't remember exactly what RJS said or did, I only knew that he had the foresight to recognize and appreciate my talents. I just knew that it would be a win-win working relationship. I learned by watching how RJS took the time to shake hands with all the shop employees whether while they were running the machines or during lunch in the breakroom. He addressed each by name and asked about their families. I made the effort to do the same and greeted everyone when they came in for our PEP (monthly and quarterly) meetings.

I wanted to show RJS that he made me want to become better at my job. I was able to discuss potential projects with RJS and he in turn sincerely was interested in my new ideas. The company was involved in many community programs such as "Adopt a Highway", our division broke the records of employee contributions towards United Way campaign, and we shared the triumphs of featured stories about the company in both local newspapers and national magazine. I still have the article on the front page of the business section about the company celebrated its anniversary with a photo of RJS standing next to a new laminated machine. My husband still bragged about me being on the cover of Federal Express magazine, distributed nationally and internationally to all its customers. It was RJS who nominated me for the Administrative of the Year Award sponsored by Federal Express.

RJS was the best coach and the best mentor anyone could ever wish for. He inspired me to become a better employee and a better person. He fostered my talents, helped develop further my communication skills by assigning the duties of public relations coordinator. RJS was the positive influence in both my career and personal achievements. The one thing I remembered the most was the time when we attended a Chamber of Commerce luncheon. After stated his name, RJS said, "I work at AFCO Industries." He then turned to me, mentioned my name and said, "This is my associate". I remembered this as the best lesson from a person with characters and inner strength that he did not have to broadcast that he was the owner of the company and that I was his employee.

If Ms. MK was the employer from hell (please see my blog entry on Wednesday, January 24, 2007 - entitled The Unlikely Cheerleading Squad), then RJS was the heaven sent employer I could ever wish to work for. Compared to Ms. MK who told me to confine myself to the stock room, RJS encouraged me to reach for higher goals and to remind myself of my potentials. We continue to keep in touch after I moved to St. Louis. When I was overwhelmed with my martial problems and felt rejected as my marriage crumbled, it was RJS who continued to support and encourage me thru his letters and email messages.

Happy Birthday, RJS. You are the best boss, a great person and you are God's blessings to me. Thank you and may you enjoy many more years of good health, love, happiness and all the best things in life.

THE RED CARDINAL OF LIFE

I have been emotional exhausted the last few days writing about my Dad's passing. I realized that I never allowed myself to completely mourn. There were times when I felt at peace with the loss, telling myself to get over the guilt and bitterness. Other times I questioned what could have been if the cancer was discovered earlier or I should have spent more time with my Dad during his treatment.

Putting my feelings into words have helped me to recognize that the void of my Dad's passing will always be there. Physically I would never be able to give him one more hug, sharing one more conversation and watching one more soccer game. I just need to believe that the spiritual bond between us will never be taken away.

As if my Dad was listening and just like the way he always tried so hard to comfort and provide for his family, I looked out the window and saw on the tree, bare branches, covered with snow, a bright red cardinal resting, waiting for the storm to pass. "Sau con mua, troi lai sang - After the storm, there will be sunshine", thanks Dad for the reminder.

UNANSWERED PRAYERS

There is a saying, "Be careful of what you pray for". It is a kind of warning that whatever you pray for or wish to get might turn out to be not exactly as great as you thought it would be. What about unanswered prayers? How should a person of faith pray? Do you ask God for what you wish to receive or trust that God knows exactly how the situation should be?

In December 2000, when the doctor informed us that after two years of chemotherapy, the treatment for liver cancer did not produce results we had hoped and that my Dad only had three months to live, I began to pray every day for a miracle. My prayers were different each day from asking God for a complete recovery to bargaining with promises to be good so my Dad could live and be able to enjoy his grandson a few more years. After my Dad passed away, I blamed myself for my prayers that that it was God's will and asked that my Dad no longer suffered the physical pains.

The time I spent in hospice with my Dad, we never acknowledged that the end was coming. "When you got better, you could visit us in St. Louis to see the improvements we had done to our house," I said. My Dad smiled weakly and said "Sure, I hope so". Each morning I would describe the weather outside and told my Dad about my new job. We talked about current events and reminiscing our lives in the refugee camp and our early years in America. We shared a few laughs about incidents that took place and the silly things we did out of lack of knowledge of culture and language.

One night when I was not able to hold my pains, I apologized to my Dad for not being able to give him a grandchild to call him "Che Cung". I asked for his forgiveness for all the terrible things I did and for moving away. I told him my regrets that I had neglected my duty to our family. "I am your parent. I only want happiness for you and your own marriage. Look at me and your Mom, we left our parents in Viet Nam and were not there when they passed away.", my Dad responded and we cried together. Our tears as father and daughter allowed us to cope with the overwhelming fears to acknolwedge the end and at the same time avoiding the final goodbye.

As I sat holding my Dad's hand, I prayed that God would allow me to give 10 years of my life to my Dad. I imagined a conversation trying to bargain with God. I promised to be good and accept any kind of penance. "What if you only had 10 years to live, are you willing to give those years to your Dad?", God asked. "Yes, let my Dad live," I said without hesitation. "It was not possible because your Dad would not want you to die so he could live," God said.

At night I would sleep in a small Army bed nearby. I kept watch, listening to my Dad breathing through the machine. My Mom had told me that if my Dad was dying, let him go. Don't cry or say anything to prolong his depart. When my Dad's body began to shut down and he was not able to communicate or open his eyes, my Mom whispered to my Dad, "You could go now. Don't worry about us. Your children have grown up and they will be able to take care of themselves. You should be proud that you had taken good care of your family. Your children and I will be alright."

I kissed my Dad cold hand and watched him peacefully walked toward death. Rest well Dad. We are always proud to be "Con Ong L. V. H."

WE NEVER SAY GOOD BYE

My Dad passed away in February 2001. Six years later, I am still mourning, grieving and still asking why God did not let my Dad live another ten, fifteen years to enjoy the fruit of his labor. My Dad would love being grandpa, taking his first grandson to school, walking him home from school and watched him grow up. I am still hurting and bitter that we finally achieved a comfort level of living and we were not able to share with my Dad. I finally found employment with good income that would have allowed me to provide my Dad a trip to China. Born and raised in Viet Nam, my Dad always felt very strong about our Chinese heritage.

I remembered as if it was yesterday when my brother called me at work and told me that I should come to NYC. My husband and I took the first available flight that evening. We did not get to the hospital until almost 10:00 that night. The whole time during the flight I prayed that my Dad would not pass away before I arrived.

I broke down in tears when I saw my Dad lying in the hospital bed. He looked so frail and helpless. Two years of treatment of chemotherapy for liver cancer had destroyed his living body. I saw hopelessness in my Dad's sunken eyes. He was prepared to die but he did not want to acknowledge the ending. Perhaps my Dad wanted to be strong for his family, the same strength he displayed to keep us calm when the huge wave almost swallowed our tiny boat. My Dad smiled when he saw me. "Don't cry," he tried to comfort me.

I was with my Dad while he spent his last ten days in hospice care. I tried to hide the intense sadness watching my Dad struggle for every breath. I wept when he was not looking because I could not stand seeing his body suffered. I helped the nurse washed my Dad. He closed his eyes to cover his embarrassment while his body being exposed. He apologized for being a burden when I fed him and when I put lotion on his body to help ease the itchy skin. I struggled to find hope and yet, wanted to let go. I was living in the darkness of despair. One minute I was hopeful that my Dad would again be well and that he would walk out of the hospice room. When the doctor came and told the nurse just try to make my Dad as comfortable as possible, I was thrown into the cold, dark waters of reality that there was nothing else could be done to save my Dad.

My Dad passed away on February 13th. We never say good bye. I still feel my Dad is with me, helping me when I have a bad day or visiting me in my dreams. Death shattered our physical connection but it never disconnected a father-daughter bond between us.

We'll Never Say Goodbye (by Larry Howland)

I cannot see you with my eyes
Or hear you with my ears
But thoughts of you are with me still
And often dry my tears
You whisper in the rustling leaves
That linger in the fall;
And in the gentle evening breeze.
I am sure I hear you call.
A part of you remains with me
That none can take away.
It gives me strength to carry on
At dawning of new day.
I think of happy times we shared.
And then I softly sigh.
But this I know - - we'll meet again
And never say goodbye.

THE PURSUIT OF HAPPYNESS

(Note: This entry was started on Sunday, Jan. 28th but was not completed until today, February 7th.)

Mr. Christopher Gardner whose life story was made into a recently released movie entitled, "The Pursuit of Happyness" starring Will Smith, was at Webster University (St. Louis campus) on Monday, Jan. 29th. Approximately 1,800 people attended his presentation and waited in line for hours to get autograph for his book, "Rags-to-Riches Story: From Homelessness to Wall Street". My husband and I were turned away because the auditorium already reached its maximum accomodation. We were 15 minutes early prior to the scheduled of his appearance. We decided that we were too old to stand in lines (we were told it could be 2 hours) until Mr. Gardner finished speaking. It was too cold to be walking around the campus.

Perhaps in the future I could meet Mr. Gardner and share with him the story of my family coming to America and achieving a good life which is similar to Mr. Gardner's message of self-empowerment, beating the odds and breaking cycles. I read the amazing story of how unfortunate circumstances caused him to become homeless while trying to take care of his son. Upon learning that he was accepted into a training program at a brokerage firm, Mr. Gardner quit his job as a medical sales representative, only to be told that the program was terminated.

Without a job to go back and no money, Mr. Gardner did not give up the dream to create a better life for his son. While enrolling in the Dean Witter Reynolds training program, he and his son lived in a church shelter and getting their meals from soup kitchens. He worked hard from the start of the training, to passing the licensing exam, to becoming the top producer for the brokerage firm and finally achieved the high level of establishing in the business with his own company.

I would share with Mr. Gardner that my family too was homeless when we left Viet Nam and lived in the refugee camp for seven months. We were also people without a country. I would share with Mr. Gardner that my parents have the same love for our family as his love for his son that would not let him quit. That my parents turned down the opportunities to open a restaurant or a business so that my sister, brothers and I would be able to pursue higher education instead of working in a restaurant or a shop in Chinatown.

I would tell Mr. Gardner that have I great admiration and respect that he did not allow "racism" to define how he achieved success and always commited to his family. I know Mr. Gardner would agree that greatness comes from perseverance and inner strength, the same way coach Dungy led the Indianapolis Colts to the Superbowl championship. Mr. Gardner and coach Dungy are men of strong faith. Their spiritual life is the foundation helping them to overcame difficulties in life.

The greatest story is the story about anyone who dared to succeed in America without waiting for the government or someone else to validate their self worth. America is still the land of opportunity. Each of us is responsible for our own happiness and we determine the paths to achieve such "happyness".

KINDNESS OF STRANGERS

"Feel better?", MC said to me after showing me how to rub the Vaseline lotion on my hands and thru the fingers. We could not communicate much since my English was limited when we met one week after I started working at MK Company. MC just came back to work after a week of vacation in Florida. MC was responsible for rotating the displays of merchandise in the show room, working with photophers of various magazines to feature new items and selecting pieces of jewerly that would go well with certain outfits for the models at upcoming fashion shows.

After we met and MC saw how dried my hands were, during lunch MC went out to purchase a bottle of hand lotion to give to me. That was the beginning of our friendship. I will always remember the little things MC did to help me. Instead of eating in her comfortable office, MC would bring her lunch to the breakroom. While we ate, MC would talk to me and encouraged me to share with her what I learned from English classes. She corrected my pronunciation, grammar and taught me American expressions. During the summer months, when we walked around the blocks at lunch time, MC would teach me about New York City, about America and about being a young woman (I was 19 years old). I laughed so hard the first time MC asked me whether I had been kissed by a boy and if I liked it. Perhaps because the subject of kissing was such a taboo in conversations in the Asian culture, I laughed to avoid giving MC an answer. As I became aware of my maturity as a young woman, I asked MC many questions that I would not dare to ask my own mother. These questions probably would make mother very uncomfortable and I had no business discussing the topics until I got married anyway.

MC became a good friend and later my godmother. MC gave me new clothing (with the price tags tore off) and never expected anything in returns. We continued to keep in touch by phone after I left MK Company. During my breaks from school, I would visit MC and her husband, JC at their home on the weekend. They would take me to real nice restaurants for dinners and a few day trips. When we encountered acquantainces, MC introduced me as such, "This is our daughter".

MC provided words of encouragement during my years of working full time and seeking a college education. We remained good friends when I moved to Michigan. MC visited me when JC came to St. Louis to attend a convention for World War II veterans. We have continued to keep in touch regularly by letters, phone calls and now by email.

It was MC who listened for hours when I went through the painful struggle with my marriage in 2005. MC listened without judging or questioning my plan for a separation. MC continued to encourage me to be more assertive at my current workplace by listing my name and title in the Association's newsletter. "Why should anyone receive credits for your hard work?" MC commented after I sent her copy of the newsletter.

I felt so blessed to have such wonderful friends like MC and her husband. The kindness they extended to me and my family over the last 27 years has lessen some of the difficulties on my journey being a refugee in the new land. Very often in life, kindness of strangers is the thing we most likely depend on. Thanks, MC for all your support and encouragement.

THE UNLIKELY CHEERLEADING SQUAD

"You don't speak the language and you have no education. Who would give you a job? Where would you find another good job?" Ms. MK said to me when I gave her my two-week notice. Twenty-seven years later, I still remembered her every words, "I don't need your two-week notice. I could call the refugee agency right now with a replacement. You could leave this afternoon." I saw the anger in her eyes. "I was kind to you and your family. This is how you repay me," she continued as I stood up to leave her office. Ms. MK referred to the used clothing she gave me to take home and a few tokens as a bonus when I had to stay on Friday evenings beyond five o'clock to make shipments before the weekend. I don't think I was paid overtime for the extra hours.

I don't remember whether I said anything else or just left her office, picked up my coat in the employee breakroom and walked the two blocks to catch the subway home. I don't remember whether I ate my lunch or could not eat because I was too nervous about my decision to quit. I don't remember whether I stopped by the bank to cash my check so I could give mother my weekly contribution. I do remember that the gross pay was $150 per week and my take home was $117. I kept $17 for tokens and gave mother $100. That was my first lesson about the prilvilege of having a job and paying income taxes. All the way home, I was calm and felt strangely relief. I did not regret quitting and Ms. MK's angry words did not scare me.

It was my first job in America arranged thru the social worker at the refugee agency. (More about BL, the social worker from hell in future entries.) I started to work at MK Company one month after we arrived in America, from early February thru mid-October of 1980. The company imported fashion jewelries from the Far East. The job did not require language skills. My work was limited to opening the containers after they were delivered, putting the boxes on the shelves according to their categories (bracelets, belts, scarves etc.) and by assigned product numbers. My other duties included gathering the merchandise off the shelves to fill the orders, again by product numbers, putting the shipping labels on the boxes to be picked up by United Parcel Services.

After work, Monday thru Thursday evenings, I walked from MK Company on 31st Street & Lexington to a school on 33rd Street & Park Avenue to attend English classes. I walked because the distance was so close to waste a subway token and it probablly would take too long waiting for the train during rush hours. Prior to leaving Viet Nam, I received English lessons with a private teacher who did a good job at stressing the important of grammar. He explained that we should not learn to speak the language without the benefits of formal education such as writing complete sentences and using correct tense of present, past or past participle.

After a few months working at MK, I was blessed to have two wonderful friends, MC who worked in the show room and a bookkeeper named EK. (I will share details of the kindness MC and EK extended to me in future entries) During my unpaid lunch time (I don't remember if it was half hour or one full hour.) I would eat my sandwiches quickly so I could help MC or EK in their offices. I made copies, filed correspondence and listened to their conversation with customers. When Ms. MK questioned why I did not confine myself in the employee breakroom, I explained that I wanted to improve my English and to explore different job opportunities. Ms. MK told me that I should be happy where I was and that she did not pay me to learn or be anything beyond a stock clerk!

Ms. MK had a dog named Chichi. It loved to jump on people and only consumed certain kind of brand name dog food. I was not the only employee who did not care for Chichi. A month after I started working, Ms. MK asked me to take Chichi for a walk and I told her I was not comfortable with dogs. She made a comment (I don't remember her exact words) but it implied that for a lowly Vietnamese refugee, I should not be uncomfortable performing any kind of work when instructed to do so.

As the #7 train approaching and then stopped at Elmhurst Avenue station, I got off, slowly walked down the stairs, continued towards the apartment building, I began to get nervous. What would I tell mother that this week I only have $85 to contribute to the family income? After I explained that I left the job at MK, mother was not supportive. I understood her worry about how the family would survive with the only income from my father's job as a dishwasher.

Looking back at what happened, I admit that Ms. MK was the unlikely cheerleader and her words, though cruel and brutal, had strengthen my determination to reach for higher platforms both in employment and educational opportunities. In 1983, the stock clerk earned an Associate Degree attending classes at LaGuardia Community College while working at a night job as data entry operator. In 1988, the data entry operator earned a Bachelor Degree majoring in communication and political science from Hunter College, attending classes at night after a full day of work as an insurance premium collection clerk. Finally, in 1999, Saint Louis University awarded full scholarship and a graduate degree to the premium collection clerk.

Twenty seven years later, the stock clerk from MK Company has achieved the American dream working as a director at a trade association, a homeowner, a civic-minded citizen and an active volunteer in the community. Here is to Ms. MK, "I found another job and I did not have to confine myself to the stock room."

MAKING HISTORY - SUPERBOWL STORIES

Congratulations to coach Lovie Smith of the Chicago Bears and coach Tony Dungy of the Indianapolis Colts and their teams advancing to the Superbowl XLI.

The headlines the last two weeks were about Smith and Dungy being the first black head coaches to meet in the NFL's biggest game. I don't know neither coach and I am sure they have no idea who I am and that I am writing about them. Though our paths never crossed, I have admired coach Smith and was sincerely happy when he left the position of defensive coordinator to St. Louis Rams and became the head coach for the Chicago Bears. I shared the sorrows and the pains coach Dungy and his family experienced when his son unexpected took his own life in 2005. I have great respect for coach Dungy for his faith and his commitments to community services.

In a small, very small way, I have something in common with the coaches - making history as the first Asian American woman to break through the racial barriers. Back in 1993, I was selected as Outstanding Career Woman of the Year by the Professional Women Network of Western Michigan. I went on to represent the local chapter in the Statewide selection. The selection included group activity, individual presentation and in-depth interview. I was not chosen to go onto the next level which was to represent the State of Michigan for the national award. Ironically, the national convention that year was to be in St. Louis, Missouri where my husband was promoted and transfered to a subsidiary the following year.

There are many times in my life when I was told because I speak English with an accent and being Asian American, I am not "management materials". In her book entitled, "Breaking the Bamboo Ceiling - Careers Strategies for Asians", Ms. Jane Hyun explains that Asian Americans are recognized for their work ethics, as a well educated workforce, however as supporting staff but not qualified leaders in executive positions.

Last year, the Board of Directors at my workplace conducted a special retreat to discuss long term strategic plan as the Association celebrated its 40th Anniversary. The plan includes 5-10 year expansion in labor contracts, additional membership programs and succession planning for when the executive director takes his retirement in 10 years. I was told many times that if something serious happened to the executive director, I would handle all matters until a decision was made by the Board of Directors.

Giving the history of labor union and specifically construction industry, I would be the first woman and the first Asian American ever to sit at the collective bargainings negotiation table. When I shared this thoughts with my husband, he commented, "I don't have any doubt of your ability. Unfortunately, no matter how good you are, the only thing going against you is you are a woman."

The NFL "Rooney Rule" requires that a team must interview at least one minority candidate when there are openings for coaching positions. Since then the process has generated opportunities for minority coordinators and resulted in the current seven black head coaches. I believe that coach Smith and coach Dungy would not want the focus to be about their race or the extensive coverage only because they are African Americans. The focus should be on their coaching abilities, and that they have worked hard to earn, and not given, the chance to reach the highest platform of NFL - the winning coach of the Superbowl championship.

I don't believe in preferential treatments. I will continue to work hard and prove that I am the best person for the job. There will always be roadblocks, prejudice, and limitations. I will create my own opportunities just like the way my family through our own strength and courage, created a new life in America.

NFL PLAYOFFS

(Note: This entry was started on January 16th and I was not able to complete and publish until a week later, January 23rd.)

My sincere apology to all of my adoring fans who have been patiently awaiting for an update since my last entry about the St. Louis Cardinals Winter Warm-Up. Because of my full-time job and evening commitments, I am unable to update my blog until the weekends. As you are aware that the last two weekends were filled with exciting NFL playoffs schedule.

A few years ago during a visit to NYC, while enjoying a NY Giants game, I yelled out, "They should go for a 2-point conversion to tie the game and try to win with a field goal". My brother L, without realizing that his eldest sister has become a football fanatic, made a comment, "She talked as if she knew all about the game."

Yes brother, I knew all about the game, the teams and the players and I love football. My love of sports began with going to soccer games with my Dad while growing up in Viet Nam. My fondest memories will always be the time my Dad and I yelling at the players and the referees during the deciding games. In junior high, I also enjoyed playing basketball and table tennis (ping-pong). My love of sports (soccer) transferred to ice hockey when I started watching the games with my husband in 1996. Under the legendary coach Scotty Bowman magical transformations, the Detroit Red Wings won the Stanley Cup in 1997 for the first time in 42 years. The next year in 1998, the Red Wings swept the Washington Capitals to keep the Stanley Cup in Motor City. After this back-to-back victory, the Red Wings won its 10th Stanley Cup in 2002, its third title in six years. Scotty Bowman decided to leave the ice rinks as the most winning coach with nine Stanley Cup rings.

When did my love of sports turn to American football? I don't remember how it started, but in 2002 after watching Adam Vinatieri kicked the 45-yard field goal in a heavy snowfall with 27 seconds left in regulation to tie the game against the Oakland Raiders, my love for the New England Patriots and American football began. It was Vinateiri again in Superbowl XXXVI against the St. Louis Rams, with his 48-yard field goal giving the Patriots a 20-17 victory. Two years later, he did it again with a 41-yard field goal and only 4 seconds left to win over the Carolina Panthers. The new dynasty started.

That is why it was so hard to watch the matchup last Sunday between the Indianapolis Colts v. the New England Patriots. Vinatieri signed a 5-year deal with the Colts beginning with the 2006-2007 season. The previous weekend was fun because I did not have to split my cheering between two teams. It was also fun to watch Vinatieri helped the Colts to its victory with his five field goal kicks over the Baltimore Ravens without a touch down from Peyton Manning. The Colts won 15-6 over the Ravens.

The game between the Patriots and the San Diego Chargers was not as exciting because both teams made too many mistakes and the Patriots were sloppy including Tom Brady throwing three interceptions. The Patriots won 24-21 over the Chargers.

I was only half interested in the Chicago Bears v. the Seatle Seahawks game. The Bears won (27-24) advanced to the NFC title for the first time since 1988. We saw the Seahawks defeated by the Pittsburgh Steelers last year at the Superbowl XL in Detroit. Running back Deuce McAllister 134 yards rushing and 2 touchdowns and rookie Reggi Bush outstanding performance helped the New Orleans Saints defeated the Philadelphia Eagles 27-24. Last weekend, Bush's 88-yard touchdown catch and dash to the end-zone did not help the Saints as they were eliminated by the Bears 39-14.

I bravely went to work this morning to payoff a friendly wager to my co-workers for picking the New England Patriots and the New Orleans Saints as the teams advancing to the Superbowl XLI. The Colts defeated the Patriots 38-34 and the Bears defeated the Saints 39-14.

Here's to the better team to win the Superbowl XLI championship. If you ask me which team I personally will cheer for, my answer is, "the Vinatieri team"!

WINTER WARM-UP

This weekend my husband and I attended our first St. Louis Cardinals Winter Warm-Up. The event took place at a hotel in downtown St. Louis. The three-day annual baseball festival begins on Saturday morning thru Monday evening. Fans and families can get autographs, meet players, management team & team owners, bid on silence and live auction items, and purchase memorabilia from vendors. Admission ticket costs $40 each. All of the proceeds will be given to charitable organizations.

With the St. Louis Cardinals winning the World Series last October, all admission tickets were sold out. An estimate of approximately 15,000 fans were expected to attend the Warm-Up. People braved the bad weather of ice storms. Many were out of towners. On Friday night, we saw people in line with their sleeping bags, blankets and lawn chairs, willing to wait more than 12 hours to purchase autograph tickets ranging from $10 for less well-known players to $125 for a signature by David Eckstein and $150 for a chance to meet Cardinals first baseman, Albert Pujols. Eckstein is St. Louis Cardinals shortstop and World Series MVP.

By 10:00 Saturday morning, we were informed that all autograph tickets were sold out. More than 1,000 people paid $125-$150 per ticket for autographs from Eckstein and Pujols. So it paid off for those who were willing to spend the night on the floor of the hotel lobby. Because we were not willing to wait in line overnight, we did not get autographs for our World Series baseball and Game 3 tickets.

The nice thing about the Warm-Up is that it is a family event. We saw many fathers and sons, friends, large groups of people having a good time talking about the winning games, their favorite players and discussing their purchases.

After having our photo taken with the World Series Trophy, we decided that we should go home. We plan to attend the Warm-Up next year. Perhaps we would have better luck at getting autographs. Hopefully the lines will not be as long and the costs will not be too high for autographs. What are the chances of the St. Louis Cardinals winning the World Series back-to-back?

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY

Exactly 27 years ago, my family and I left a refugee camp in Indonesia to begin our new life in America. After our horrid boat journey from Viet Nam, we spent seven months moving from a hut on one island to a barrack on another island. Thanks to an uncle, a cousin of my mother, who agreed to be our sponsor, we were approved to resettle in New York City.

We boarded a bus from the refugee camp to the airport. I don't really remember much of this trip or recall what went through my mind. I don't even remember boarding the airplane that took us first to Belgium. I remembered my Dad went to search for ice cream. We teased him that the plane would take off and he could have been left behind. He came back all smiling with the ice cream cone. Was it chocolate ice cream? I will remember to ask my mother who got to share the sweat treat. Probably my brother L since he is known to have a sweet tooth.

From Belgium, we boarded another plan to NYC. We finally arrived NYC in the evening. It was dark when we walked from the terminal to the parking lot where uncle P parked his car. A big snow storm came thru the day before. We were not prepared for the freezing cold and the snow piling high. We wore thin layers of clothes and worn sneakers. To this day, I still remembered the comical scene when my uncle tried to explain that it was safe and encouraged us to get on the escalator to the upper level to get to the parking lot. All six of us took the stairs even though we were so tired and hungry.

When we arrived at uncle P house, his wife was so kind to have dinner ready for us. I remembered looking at the bowl of soup with big chunks of meat and not sure if I was dreaming. After seven months of canned sardines, ready-to-eat noodles and steamed rice, we shamelessly ate all the food put in front of us. Of course, my parents had to be polite, control their hunger and instead of eating, keeping the conversation with uncle P and his wife.

After the feast, we all went to sleep in the basement. The next day, we went to the refugee agency to fill out the paperwork. We were provided a bag of decent winter clothing and $200, and that was the beginning of our new life in America 27 years ago.

Along the way, we overcame the language barriers, adapted to the new culture and became productive citizens. Our American dreams were realized thru hard work, earning college degrees, professionals employment and home ownerships. I am so proud of my sister and brothers. I only wish my father was still living so he could enjoy the fruit of his labor.

To my family, Happy Anniversary, we have done good!

HAPPY BLOGGING

Thanks to my brother L who provided the technical support and comforted me to overcome my fears, I finally started my blog in August 2006. It took a lot of nudging from L the first few weeks, then I was off running and never looked back. I am pleased to report that I have been a very happy blogger.

Again thanks to L, I learned that TIME magazine named all the people who after a long day of work or a tough week of hard work, instead of watching popular television shows, enjoying their weekend activities, spending time on their computers, updating their webblogs, MySpace, YouTube etc. - PERSON OF THE YEAR in the special issue of December 25, 2006-January 1, 2007.

I probably will not be well known like the Book Reviews Lady or the Korean housewife turned citizen reporter or earned more than a few dollars from AdSense. I recognize that I would not be the most widely read blogger and I don't really have solutions to offer to solve problems in the world. Somebody wrote in the Wall Street Journal that "blogs are written by fools to be read by inbeciles". Just to be sure, I look up in the dictionary to find the definition for imbeciles (stupid person). As the character Sam in the movie, "Ghost", once said, "The Wall Street Journal is a frustrated old man" and I add, "who could not accept what he could not understand".

Blogging has changed my life. Writing blog entries has allowed me to have a voice. I enjoy writing and blogging has helped me putting together the story of my life. I enjoy reading and blogging gives me an outlet to share my brief version of book reviews. Most importantly, reading my brother's blog has re-established the connections between us. Living more than 600 miles away, with work, family and other commitments, we don't have the luxury to share what's going on in our lives. I look forward to reading L regular entries. I felt close to my brother. I appreciate what he is doing for our family, at his work and through his volunteer activities.

I have learned a lot about the vocabulary of blogging. For example, the word "moblog" is combination of "mobile" and "webblog" to mean blogging through mobile devices such as cell phones etc. It has nothing to do with mobsters or the Godfather! And the behind-the-scenes network tool called "ping" that notify search engine or directories that the blog has been updated. I don't write about heavy subjects because I don't want to be one of the bloggerheads who are in heated disagreements.

Andrea J. Lee, an author and consultant shared her advice on how to create a self-imposed deadline of writing a book without going insane - get a blog. The blog structure allowed Lee to write each post as a chapter and to receive comments through blog environment without the stress of writing in the traditional route. After thirty posts, the birth of a book was born. Lee's blog is at www.andreajlee.com.

For now, I am a happy blogger, putting my thoughts into words, seeing my writing published, knowing that at least one person - my brother L - is reading my blog, is good enough for me and that is what matters. Is it what life is about? Happy Blogging to all the good bloggers!

HAPPY NEW YEAR

Happy New Year. May 2007 be a year of good health, happiness, good fortune, blessings, love and all the good stuff you and your family wish for.

I thought the first entry of 2007 should be light and just the facts. So here is interesting information I found on Fax Times.

The first annual Times Square New Year Eve was celebrated in 1904. Not until 1907 that the tradition of Ball Lowering was used. Waterford Crystal company designed the current New Year Eve's Ball, weighing at 1,070 pounds.

According to the Times Square Alliance, 2,000 pounds of confetti are dropped every year. This event has become a universal symbol of welcoming in the New Year.

If you wish to see the lowering of the ball and cann't wait until New Year Eve, then head towards the United States Naval Observatory in Washington D.C. Everyday at noon, a time-ball descends from a flagpole at the Observatory.

A good year to all and to all a good year!

I'LL FOLLOW THE SUN

As I look back at events that took place in 2006 and review the items on my To Do list, I realized that another year has gone by and there are many tasks I did not accomplish.

Before making my new To Do list and New Year Resolution, I count the blessings in my life and know that I have much to be grateful for. I remember the positive aspects of our nation, my family and the solace I receive from my Christian faith.

I remember that my employment though is not the most exciting workplace, it is a good job. My job does not define who I am. I recognize that the title of the book "Do What You Love and Money Will Follow" by Marsha Sinetar should not be interpreted as do what you love and you will make more money. I guess when you love what you do, money is no longer important.

Using real-life experiences, the author show how people liberated themselves from unfulfilling jobs, overcame their fears, took the risks, utilized their unique talents and became the persons they wanted to be.

Featured articles in newspapers and magazines offer plenty of help on how to get your ducks in a row by following a few simple strategies. The list include secrets of resolution success on how to organize your home and office and get things done. There are advices on how to get rich and earn more money. Of course, there are suggestions on how to lose weight, find time to exercise, create healthy life style and getting rid of bad habits. Thankfully I don't have to worry about the three vices listed in the article - gambling, drinking and smoking!

According to an exclusive LIFE/AOL Coaches poll, 31% of the people answer "Losing Weight" to the question, "What is your #1 goal for 2007?" It is nothing new, except when Losing Weight (31%) compared to only 2% wanting to spend more time with family. Getting more organized and earn more money at 8% is also higher than spending time with family. Finally 18% would like to tackle the chore of organize family photos. Well, if you could not spend more time with your family, you would not have to worry about organizing family photos!

For now, I will continue to find the ways to achieve the kind of life I want. I will keep my list of resolution to myself. It is not just for 2007 but a life time of learning, growing and trying to be a better person.

STOP AND SMELL THE EGGNOGG

I did something very brave today, two days before Christmas and I went to the grocery shop. It looked like half of the town population was driving along the main road and the other half was in the stores. We already shopped for what we needed to make a nice Christmas dinner. Today I only needed a few items and did not feel the pressure to rush around like other people in the store.

I smiled and said Merry Christmas to a woman who almost ran me over with her cart piling high. She stared at me as if I committed a crime being pleasant among all the grumpy shoppers. I stopped to tell a store employee that she was doing a good job and thanked her for working so hard during the holidays. She started telling me that she worked 10 hours every day the last two weeks and how she still had to purchase gifts for her children.

As I moved along, I overheard an old lady asking someone where she could get the eggnogg. The person said he did not know. I turned around and pointed to the corner where I saw the eggnogg. Looking at the sea of shoppers, the old woman could not find the item. I decided to walk with her to the aisle that had the eggnogg. As I began walking away, she asked, "Is this the sale item in the newspaper?" I politely responded, "I did not see the newspaper but these are $5 for two large cartons." She decided to purchase one small carton for $2.99 each.

The store manager probably thought I had nothing better to do or just trying to repent for all the terrible things I did by helping the sweet little old lady. The person who monitors the store's security camera wonders why I was the only smiling shopper while everyone else rushing around with a frown on their face. I simply follow the advice of a wise man, "Stop and Smell the Eggnogg." Merry Christmas!

LUXURIES OR NECESSITIES

"Stuff. Do you really need it or just want it?", the article in USA Today (Friday, December 15, 2006) started with the question I have used as a guideline before I make purchases.

Very often we purchase a new cool item because other people have it. We convince ourselves that we really need the item and that the item is a necessity as we could not live without it. Another reason is to prove that we have achieved the level of wealth by becoming an owner of certain item, i.e. the Cadillac, the designer handbag or a cruise on the Freedom of the Seas.

Here is a comparison of what I consider necessities or luxuries compared to information according to a Pew Research Center survey conducted last month.

91% of the people in the survey think that a car is necessity. I agree with this response because living in St. Louis, I must have a car. If I lived in New York, I would be among the 8% of the people who consider a car is a luxury or would not want to have a car because of insurance and crimes.

Clothes washer and dryer are a must for me and these items are necessities (90%). I was surprised to read that 63% considered dishwasher a luxury. One of these people must be my mother because she uses the dishwasher as storage while I could not live without mine.

Living in St. Louis with its humid weather in the summer, every house must have central air conditioner. Late July and August and early September, the temperature could reach 95 degrees. No one would purchase a car without air conditioning. I am sure it is different if I lived in Alaska or Montana.

68% considered microwave a necessity. My mother would never agree with this. It would be a crime if she found out her delicious eggrolls are warmed up in the microwave. The only correct way to warm food is to use the oven toaster according to my mother.

51% consider home computer a necessity while 67% consider high speed internet a luxury item. Prior to September 2006, I would agree with this statement. Now, I could not live without my laptop, wireless keyboard and mouse and I refuse to go back to the dark day of modem.

Pauline Wallin, a clinical psychologist, pointed to the cellphones as the perfect example of a gadget infiltrates our culture. 49% of the people consider cell phone a necessity while exactly the other 49% consider a luxury; yet 74% of the people responded to the survey have cell phones. Whenever I forgot my cell phone at home, I felt so vulnerable and almost paranoid that something bad could happen to me and I would have no way to get help without my cell phone.

In 1995, I obtained the first cell phone for emergency protection while attending evening classes at Saint Louis University. After that the phone became communication tool to let my husband know when I have business meetings in the evening or running late for an appointment. Later to check what else was needed for the house while I was in the grocery store. Now we use the phone to find each other in crowded shopping malls or to decide on what's for dinner.

There are two items on the list that I still have not become a slave to, Flat screen or plasma TV and iPod. I am trying to cut back even though I don't spend a lot of time watching television. I usually watch hockey games, Sunday football and educational programs such as Discovery Channel, History and the Food Channel, especially The Secrete Life of ... with Jim O'Connor.

It is ironic that the items I currently consider necessities (computer, cell phone, television) were meaningless when I was living in the refugee camp. Back then, we only need food and shelter to survive. I wonder with the wealth he already obtained, what items would someone like Mr. Bill Gates consider luxuries.

AVERAGE AMERICAN

In his new book, "The Average American", Mr. Kevin O'Keefe provided a composite of an average person in America by crunching all the responses of nearly 300 million people. Here is a comparison of my personal data and the Average American (AA) according to Mr. O'Keefe's book.

AA (not Alcohol Anonymous) drinks 22 gallons of milk every year - I never kept track of how many gallons of milk I drink, probably 22 gallons, more or less. Perhaps this could be an item on my to-do list for 2007 (ya right!)

AA blinks 3,700,000 times in a year - I would like to know who does the counting?

AA spends 10 minutes and 24 seconds in a shower - I will remember to set the timer next time I take a shower.

Each AA household spends $80 on telephone charges every month - I am not sure if this information is accurate considering the explosive of cell phones and the hi-tech services of Bluetooth, Blackberry and other gadgets. It is typical for each family to have at least two cell phones, a home phone, and high speed (DSL or cable) internet services.

The list also mentioned that a person goes on 100 dates before getting married. My husband and I had less than a dozen dates before we got married since he lived in Michigan and I was in New York. My question is whether the 100 dates was with the same person and if physical intimacy was involved.

I was surprised that AA purchased 35 greeting cards annually per household. With the introduction of einvite, ecards and emails, I thought no one cares to take the time to send cards and write a few personal notes anymore. When my father passed away, I received an email with one sentence expressing sympathy to me and my family. Ms. Emily Post would have been very sad to see this level of cold and impersonal expression.

Additional information can be found on Mr. O'Keefe's website at www.theaverageamerican.com.

I also picked up the book "America by the Numbers, A Field Guide to the U.S. Population" by Dr. William H. Frey and his associates Mr. Bill Abresch and Mr. Jonathan Feasting.

According to "Population Structure" on page 4, my generation was the Late Baby Boomers (people who were born from 1956-1965). Under Asian American Diversity on page 44, I am one of the 30% of Vietnamese American who earned a college degree. I thought the number would be higher. The Taiwanese American is considered the most well-educated with 70% earning college degree.

I am among the 62% of the middle-class Americans with annual income between $50K to $75K (page 91). My excitement of having achieved the level of wealth in the American Dream was crushed when I read today's newspaper that 25% of the "super rich" (those whose household net worth more than $10 million) travel in their private jet to shop for holiday gifts while I had to fight for a parking space in a crowded mall.

According to Elite Travelers Magazine/Prince & Associates "2006 Holiday Spending Survey", the rich spent $91,000 on fine jewelry, $22,300 on spirits, and wearing their designer clothes while I have to wait for sales after Christmas.

In the words of a wise man, novelist F. Scott Fitzgerald, "The rich are different from you and me," and the response from another wise man, Ernest Hemingway, "Yes, they have more money." My question is "How much more?"

LIFE IS GOOD

Last week while browsing through a Discovery Store for possible toys or educational items for the kids, a t-shirt with an imprint "Life is Good" and a happy looking face on a stick-figure, caught my attention. There are other items such as pajamas, hats, coffee mugs etc. from the same brand name, Life is Good. The next day I visited the company's website www.lifeisgood.com and learned about how "the Little Brand That Could" got started.

In 1989 (same year I left New York to get married and moved to the little town by the lake in Michigan), Bert and John Jacobs designed their first tee shirt. For five years, the brothers sold their goods in the streets and door to door in college dormitories. They lived on peanut butter and jelly, slept in their van and showered when they could (the website did not disclose the locations where the brothers showered, whether at someone's house or public places).

In 1994, at a local street fair in Cambridge, Massachuesetts, the brothers sold all 48 shirts (their entire inventory) the most and the largest sales. The Little Brand That Could began to spread its products with an emphasis on humor and humility across America. Today, Bert and John Jacobs managed a corporation that employs 152+ people and a $50-million international business. The iconic smiling face of a happy little stick fiture fullfil what Americans are hungry for - something positive and focus on what is right and good.

The company created two annual outdoor festivals that raise money for Project Joy and Camp Sunshine.

Camp Sunshine provides accomodations at a week-long camp at no-charge to all families with children who have life-threatening illnesses. Meals, on-site medical services, counseling, and recreational facilities also provided free-of-charge.

Project Joy provides preschool teachers and daycare providers the training and resources to assist children who are survivors of acute and/or chronic trauma. The 4th Annual Life is Good Watermelon Festival is Saturday, July 7, 2007 in Boston.

I don't plan to purchase all Life is Good products. I will definitely consider the items as gifts when appropriate. It is refreshing to read positive stories in business world and how corporations are giving back by sharing their profits. At the beginning of the report in American Profile.com, a slogan "Do what you like. Like what you do" was mentioned as Life is Good founders' philosophy. I will remind myself this slogan as I evaluate what I have done in my life and what my 2007 resolutions should be and how I will make the most of the years ahead.

HERE, THERE AND EVERYWHERE

I don't know who started the so-call "Holiday letters" or "Braggin' letters" stuffed in with holiday cards.

Friends and families who send us their letters usually brag about how well the children do in school, good grades, honor classes their gifted sons and daughters are in. Others wrote about their vacations, with photos to prove that they were there. (With photoshop and all the hi-tech gadgets, I am not sure if the people really visited the Pyramid or just cut and paste themselves onto a postcard!)

So here is our braggin' holiday letter. 2006 has been a good year for us. There are so many blessings that we are thankful for, our family, good health, decent employment and peaceful living condition.

I celebrated my 45th birthday in February with a trip to the Superbowl XL in Detroit. The Pittsburgh Steelers defeated the Seattle Seahawks to capture the Championship. My husband and I were so excited to attend our first game (and probablly the only Superbowl tickets we could afford to purchase). For any serious football fans, the Superbowl is the ultimate dream. I would love to be able to attend the game in 2002 when Tom Brady and Company led the New England Patriots to a shocking win over the St. Louis Rams. Again in 2004, the Patriots captured their second Championships over the Carolina Panthers and the third time defeating the Philadelphia Eagles.

The following month (March) I went on a week-long cruise to the Western Caribbean with my sister V. We had a great time and it was a wonderful opportunity for me to learn more about my sister and how she has grown to be an independent woman with strength and convictions.

In July, my husband and I took a week-long driving trip to Colorado in the T-bird. I helped drive the 7-hour straight road through the State of Kansas on Interstate 70, going West, into Colorado. We saw a lot of cows, corn fields and flat farm lands as far as the eyes could see. Once we were in Colorado, C did all the driving, especially the twist and turn going up to Pike's Peak, all the way to the summit at 14,000 feet. At 9,000 feet the snow and rain started. At each turn, the signs, "Falling Rocks" and the stiff cliff next to my window, reminded me of the horrid journey by boat from Viet Nam. Except now I do have more to live for, a retirement fund, investments in stocks and many earthly possessions.

We also drove the T-bird on the Royal Gorge Bridge, the highest suspension bridge in the world, hanging at 1,053 feet above the railroad tracks and the raging Arkansas River. There was a sign the middle of the bridge, "No Fishing". The park rangers must have a good sense of humor.

In October, we attended Game 3, the first World Series game in the new Busch Stadium between the St. Louis Cardinals and the Detroit Tigers. The Cardinals captured the World Series championship and the City of St. Louis rejoiced.

That is the summary of our 2006 activities, here, there and everywhere. We hope 2007 will be another good year. Perhaps in next letter, I could write about the Detroit Lions winning the Superbowl or the St. Louis Blues winning the Stanley Cup!

Here is good wishes to people everywhere and peace to all nations.

'TIS THE SEASON OF GIVING

This weekend my husband and I made our first trip to the mall for holiday shopping. The last few years, we decided that we would give each other small inexpensive gifts and save the fund for a nice summer vacation. When we first got married, at Christmas time we spent a lot of time shopping for a total of 13 kids. My husband came from a big family of seven. I used to drag the hours when the kids tore up the wrapping papers, went thru each present without caring where the presents came from and robotically thanked everyone before rushing away to play with the new toys or to plan their shopping based on the gift cards received.

Later, our giving policy was simplified thanks to the popularity of gift cards. Another policy was no more Christmas gifts when the kids graduate from high school. This year, we only have to purchase presents for three kids under ten years old. For my nephew J, I usually send a check and ask my brother to purchase something J would like. Throughout the years, I would send J something when I found items I thought J would like and not waiting until the holidays.

At the risk of being a Scrooge, I consider gifts giving during the holidays an obligation and not necessary thoughtful and caring gestures. I am not suggesting that we should not give or exchange presents as a part of the celebration. I am simply saying that don't make gifts a major big part of the holidays.

I notice that fragrances are one of the big sellers and easy selections for men to purchase for their women. I could never understand the attraction of fragrances bearing names of famous people such as Ms. Paris Hilton or Ms. Britney Spears. A $65 bottle of fragrance by Estee Lauder would make me smell nice but definitely would not make me beautiful as the brand name on the label. Who would care whether I pay $25 for a handbag by an unknown manufacturer or Coach's $250 purse?

There are about three major shopping malls within 20 minutes of driving distance from our home. As previously mentioned many times that I don't like shopping whether to make purchases for myself or anyone else. There are times when I would not go to the malls for three or four months. When I do feel the urge to do some serious shopping, I would go by myself. I do not want to make my husband waiting with the other husbands sitting around the benches in the mall. Even though my husband told me that he would not mind waiting, I prefer to shop by myself.

Sunday newspapers are packed with advertisements and many offers of discounts. Some stores offer no interests on monthly payments until January 2008. Television commercials bombared viewers with jewelries and gift giving ideas such as a Mercedes or a Lexus that costs over $30,000. A brilliant marketing idea this year is the necklace with six diamonds to replace last year three diamonds of past, present and future. This year the six diamonds necklace pendant symbolizes a journey of love. I wonder what next year would be; perhaps nine diamonds as a symbol of eternity of the relationship since the pronounciation of nine in Chinese is similar to the word forever. Then why stop at nine, what about 10, 100. Maybe one diamond is enough as the saying goes, "Diamond is forever" whether just one or 1000.

THE LONG AND WINDING ROAD

"Where do you come from?" is a typical question non-Asians asked Asian Americans. And when a response such as "I came from Chicago, Illinois" is given with a perfect midwestern accent, the answer still not satisfactory to the inquiring mind. It is 2006, and yet most of non-Asians still assume that someone with an Asian face was born overseas, came from somewhere else and not from downhome Alabama or as American as apple pie.

Most of the time when someone asks me the question, "Where are you from?", I respond with a question, "How far back do you want to know?" I used to say that I came from Jupiter. When I am not in a friendly mood I would say that I am saving the information for my biography and ask whether the person would like to be on my mailing list to purchase the book.

Next month, January 2007 will be 27 years since my family & I came to America. We left our birth country, Viet Nam in May 1979. We survived the horrid boat journey and lived in the refugee camp in Indonesia for about 7 months. An uncle, a cousin of my mother, sponsored our family to relocate to New York City. A major snow storm visited the City the week before we arrived. Coming from tropical region, we were not prepared for the bitter cold and strange beauty of snow covering the parking lot.

I moved to Michigan in December 1988 when I got married. My answer to the question, "Where do you come from?" became, "I came from New York."

In October 1994, I again moved to St. Louis, Missouri. My answer to the question, "Where do you come from?" became, "I moved here from Michigan."

I understand that people will ask me the question of my background to create relationship or to seek understanding of Asian culture. However, it is not my job to entertain people who are not sincere in their inquiries. It is a waste of time to share my life story with someone whom I most likely would not meet again. I really dislike people who ask me the question, not to know me as a person of interesting background, but as an open line of bragging about their vacations in China or Viet Nam.

The story of where my family came from is a story I hope to record and preserve so that my nephew J will appreciate and understand the struggle and how we overcame the difficulties on the long and winding road from Viet Nam to America.

TRAINING GROUND

"Mr. Z passed away this morning", the nurse at the front desk informed me when I explained the purpose of my visit. It was my second assignment after I completed the training to be a hospice volunteer. My first assignment was Mrs. Y who was in her late 70s. A stroke caused permanent damage and paralyzed her lower body. I visited Mrs. Y for about six weeks until her daughter moved her to another facility that was out of my area.

For a moment after I was told that Mr. Z died, I did not know what to do next because I forgot the instructions during the training. As hospice volunteers, we understood that the people we served would not have long to live. We also must not become attach to the patients. Yet, I was not prepared to accept death as part of my volunteer work.

I remembered an incident the second week I visited Mrs. Y. One woman cried out monotonously, "Help me, help me" as I passed by. She was among the residents forming a ring of wheelchairs circled around a lunch table. Their claw-like hands, bony shoulders and expressionless faces were evidences of stroke-damaged brains. Their stares were stony while their cancer-riddled bodies made them looked like rag dolls. The nurses were on the phone chatting away with their friends while casually keeping an eye on the residents who looked like they were sleeping, holding washclothes to their faces to catch the saliva from their stroke-slackened mouths.

Later the same woman again yelled out for me, "Hey Chinese, take me home with you." I understood and was not angry at her when she continued yelling, "Hey dummy, answer me." The nurse finally came to take the woman back to her room. Although I had no personal connection, I was sadden to witness the confined conditions that Parkinson's disease, osteoporosis, severe diabetes, or simply aging illnesses assaults on the bodies of the residents. I was told that two-thirds of nursing home residents do not have regular visitors. Holidays were no different from any other days as in this place, time does not mean much to the residents whose world is simply spent in their sickbeds or in silence circling the nurses' station.

I have also been part of a ministry called Angel Corp at my church. We visit people who are in the hospitals, homebounds or suffer from long illnesses. Since last year, my husband joined me in this ministry. Once a month, we are scheduled to make our visits. Last month, we visited an elderly man who was in his 80's and had lung cancer. He died a week later after we visited him in the hospital.

More than 5 years since my father passed away, I still experience grief. I still think of what I should have said to my Dad before he passed away. I still feel the pains each year when Father's Day comes around. I still long to share stories with my Dad. I still wish I could have provided my Dad a trip to China and many other places in the world.

The last three months I have been in training every Thursday evening to be a Stephen Minister. Stephen Ministry is a not-for-profit Christian training and educational organization based in St. Louis, Missouri. Dr. Kenneth C. Haugk is the founder and executive director of Stephen Ministries. Laypersons are trained by churches to provide the caring for its congregations. The training consists of 50 hours including instructions on how to care for people who are going through a period of crisis such as grief, chronic illnesses, unemployment, personal and families problems, and other life difficulties.

It is my hope that I would be able to provide the caring and support to others because I have experienced grief of losing a loved one. I have seen so much sufferings, both physically and mentally, at the nursing homes and skilled care centers. Despite all the training, I will be shocked when being told someone had passed away because it is human nature not to accept death. The pains has lessen but the wound is always there as the memories of my Dad will forever live in my heart.

EMPTY WOMB FULFILL HEART

"Is something wrong with you?", the person asked me. Her question was directed at me after I told her that my husband and I were not able to have children. Reactions from people after learning that I am married yet without children, were mostly assumptions that my body was being defective. After all, women are the ones who carry the child, and are responsible for giving birth, not the men.

Mardy S. Ireland, a psychologist with a clinical practice in Berkeley, California, wrote that traditional women who have failed to be mothers, who as childless women are perceived as a vast, unfillable empty womb and their bodies as black holes, unable to make contributions to society by producing a child. In her book "Reconceiving Women - Separating Motherhood From Female Identity", Ms. Ireland conducted a survey and found that 40% of American women do not have children. Women who biologically are denied by their bodies to carry children are labeled as traditional childless women. Society made these women feel so abnormal because of their failure to have children.

While society is most familiar and more accepting of these traditional childless women because of their medical condition, the transitional women are labeled as selfish since these women delayed child-bearing to pursue their careers until it is seemingly too late to have a child. These women who like me are not mothers have found source of personal fulfillment and purpose of our identities.

I never felt the need to explain to anyone the reason my husband and I could not have a child of our own. I also did not care to explain that we have tried to adopt but the adoption took too long and very costly. I did not care to admit that I would not be able to love a child born as a product of artificial insemination. Our childless situation was a medical condition that even expensive treatments could not correct. For more than two years, we were willing to take injections that left our bodies with bruises and dutifully taking and recording tempature on the charts everyday.

I remembered the times when I broke down in tears in the doctor's office or looking at the pretty little dresses imaging about the daughter I would never have. I remembered the times when I lied to strangers showing photos of my daughter, T. and son, W. (T and W are children of my best friends, M.) Recently when someone asked, I would tell them that my son is Brady Quinn, the quarterback of University of Notre Dame! Actually, at my age I could have a son in college. Of course, my son would receive full scholarships and we would not have to work two jobs, or worry about second mortgage to pay for the tuition.

If I could, I would trade all the fancy vacations and the investment porfolios for a child of my own. When my nephew J put his arms around my neck and said he loved me, and when I cradled his head in my arm while reading Thomas the Train story, my heart is filled with joy. I have learned to accept that I will be a childless woman. I am at peace with reality that having children isn't what makes me a woman or a person with fulfill heart.

I learned to accept my identity as a childless woman and as a complete person outside of the institution of motherhooad. I don't need affirmation from society that I am a woman with my own strong foundation. My heart is fill with love that could be shared with my nephew, children of my friends and many other children around me.

IN THE COLORS

The headline "Black Friday" prompted me to look in American Idioms Dictionary, Second Edition by Richard A. Spears, to learn more about the usage of colors in the English language. I also notice how Asian cultures assigned different meanings to the colors when compared to the English language.

While the term "black" is often used to describe something negative, Black Friday is a positive term for retailers. It is the term used to describe the day after Thanksgiving when crowds of frenzied people, mostly women, waited hours prior to the official time when the stores open at 5:00 a.m. hoping for some bargains. Black Friday is the official kick-off for the holiday season shopping.

I was never among the Black Friday shoppers. I don't like shopping and I don't need any new clothes or anything else. My brother L did the crazy thing this year and he wrote that he would never get up at 3:00 a.m. for Black Friday again. I will be sure to remind him next year.

In accounting term, "in the black" is good. When the company is in the black, it has no debt and is in financially profitable condition.

While the color red symbolizes good luck in most Asian cultures, it is bad luck in the English language when it comes to budgets and accounting. "In the red" means the company has a lot of debts and could be filing for bankruptcy.

When a person is "being a black sheep in the family", he/she is not successful as other family members (i.e. unemployed, has less education, live in a mobile home etc.) and is in trouble with the laws. I never saw a black sheep before.

Sometimes I considered myself a black sheep when compared to other successful Asians or Vietnamese Americans. I am not good with math or computer. My friend, RL, did not have a college degree, yet he is an owner of an insurance agency and a travel agency. He bought a nice house for his parents and he himself lives in Long Island with a wife and two kids.

Red could be used in negative manners such as "red tape" and "red herring". According to the dictionary, the government departments in England used red tape to tie up bundles of documents. Red tape being used to imply unnecessary delays were caused by too much rules and regulations.

Red herring is the term used when a piece of information introduced to draw attention away from the real issues. Herring is a type of strong-smelling smoked fish that was used along the trails to mislead hunting dogs.

Where as colors carry different meanings, I hope I will be "in the pink" as being in the pink means I am in very good health, physically and emotionally.

SMALL TOWN CHARM

My husband and I enjoy taking day trips to nearby historic towns such as Kimmwick, Washington and St. Genevieve. These are Missouri small towns with old world charm and rich in history. Without children and the demands of soccer games, dance lessons, or swim competitions to attend, we spend our weekend driving the Thunderbird to these small towns.

First stop is Kimmwick, Missouri, a historic riverfront town, just 22 miles south of St. Louis. In 1859, Theodore Kimms, a German dry goods merchant, purchased the land of 160 acres and named the town after himself, Kimmswick. Wealthy German merchants and stonecutters were among early settlers as the town prospered due to easy access to railroad and river transportation. The coming of automobiles sealed the fate of Kimmswick at the turn of the century. Today, the town is known for its unique antiques shops, historic buildings and landmarks, gift shops, annual Apple Butter Festivals in October, Strawberry Festivals in June, and The Blue Owl Restaurant and Bakery well known for its 40 different selections of pies and the Levee High Apple Pie (I measured the pie at 7 inches high!)


Washington, Missouri, is named after George Washington (who else?) and the family of Daniel Boone settled in the area starting in 1799. Washington was a strong supporter of the Union during the American Civil War. The town became a railroad and steamboat transportation center, and its manufacturing industry has remained strong from the end of the civil war until today. Missouri Meerschaum, Inc. the world largest corncob smoking pipe factory headquartered in Washington. There are 445 historic buildings, Bed and Breakfast inns, charming restaurants in old masions and plenty of gift shops.

The village of Ste. Genevieve, Missouri was established somewhere between 1722 and 1749. It is about an hour of driving from St. Louis. The villege is the only original French Colonial Village left in the United States. When in Ste. Genevieve, we take a walk around the town square, enjoyed looking at items in antique shops (we are not collectors and we don't know how to tell whether the old water pitcher is worth $50 or just a piece of junk), and have taste tests at various wineries. One of the historic houses is The Commandant's House which was a center for government activity during the final days of Spanish rule before the French took back the territory and sold it to the Americans. Jean Baptise Valle, its owner, came from colonial Ste. Genevieve's leading family, which had prospered in mining and mercantile business.

If you desire to leave your cell phone, pager, laptop and enjoy a weekend with peace and quiet, come to Kimmswick, Washington and Ste. Genevieve, Missouri. Here in these charming towns, you will experience the laid-back comforts of fine dinings, bed and breakfast inns while stepping back in time browsing antiques shops. Slow down and Have some good old times.